Unsolicited rude video

[ThatJollyGreySquid]

AIBU to feel annoyed at being sent a masturbation video by a man I’ve been dating for about 5 weeks? It happened last night after I got home from a date with him. To put it into context, we have slept together and were engaging in some sexual “flanter” over WhatsApp, but it was more playful, complimentary and sexy than downright dirty. He’s been lovely to me, and I was feeling quite positive over the way things were developing. I had told him previously I am not interested in the sharing of intimate photos. This has made me feel weird. Does any woman actually like receiving dick pics or wanking videos?

If you want to potential keep seeing him I think you need to tell him exactly how unhappy you are about what he did. If he minimises it then you’ll know to end it. If he’s mortified and apologetic, and just a bit out of his depth with modern dating, you could try to get past it on the understanding that it never happens again. My instinct is to say ditch him, by I appreciate that’s easy to say when I’ve been happily married since before it was possible to do this sort of thing.

Do any women like receiving dick pics/videos? I know my gay male friends send them but that makes more sense given generally men get turned on by visuals

I know two wrongs don't make a right, but I'd be tempted to find a random wanking video on the internet and send it back to him. If he complains about being sent it, then he'll know how you feel!

Tbh it wouldn't have bothered me if we had slept together previously and were having sexy chat at the time- but maybe im a pervert going off all the other responses hahaha.

Either way, im not saying hes right in what he did - as obviously it has impacted you. But perhaps hes dated other people like me and missread the situation.

If you really like him I'd just explain you arent into that sort of thing, just say you get turned on with the verbal rather than visual. If he doesnt respect this then maybe call it a day.

Are you serious? She’s been seeing the guy five weeks and slept with him 3 times. They clearly were not texting to the extent shed welcome this. Or even know each other well enough, the simple fact she’s slept with him 3 times doesn’t change it. They aren’t at the stage in their relationship where she welcomes this and quite frankly he should have asked first. Just as you “really like it” doesn’t mean you’re in the majority.

@ThatJollyGreySquid YANBU OP. I love sex, but find dick-pics (even worse videos!) an absolute turn-off. And the thing is, you'd made it clear to him in your previous texts that you do too. If you want to respond to him (I'm not saying you should), I would do so quoting your previous text and saying how disappointed you are because you think it should have been clear to him, from that text, that you aren't into dick-pics at all. The way he responds after that should tell you if you want to give him a second chance (assuming you haven't already made that decision).

Yes, I have to agree - I don't think a passing joke about 'didn't think you were that kind of guy', before you'd ever slept with him, is really making it clear that you would be disgusted to receive intimate pics once you were in an established sexual relationship.

I think a lot of people are missing your later post where you say you already slept with him a few times. That changes things a bit. I think most posters are assuming it's the first time you saw him naked in a sexual way which is far more shocking. The fact that you were already talking about a previous sexual experience with him does blur the lines a bit.

At what point in a relationship do we stop asking for consent? If my husband wants to walk into the bedroom when I'm getting changed he doesn't ask for consent. If I want to slap him on the bum when I'm walking past at home I also don't ask him for consent. Perhaps he felt you were now in an established relationship and so he wasn't crossing any boundaries?

To be clear, I'm not saying that he's innocent, but I can see where the confusion lies and why he might not have realised it wasn't welcome.

The real key is how he reacts when you tell him how uncomfortable it made you feel. I think a frank conversation is needed.

The bullet you've dodged is being further involved with him. I'd block him and end it.

Err, no I didn’t miss that post. I would still want to end things after the video, regardless of having started a sexual relationship. Sending an unsolicited sex act video is like chucking sex at someone. It’s uninvited and not consensual or something I would enjoy. It’s disrespectful. No way.

Honestly, I’d just say “I don’t like that. Please don’t do it again” and then his reaction will be the red flag. Yes it’s not very nice and is an ick but you said otherwise he was nice. Just be honest with him and go from there.

The suggestion of implied consent is very uncomfortable, and it’s not something I’d be educating a man I’ve known for five weeks about.

It was taken that evening.

I agree with op who said you should speak to him and then decide after that

It's the one thing that really puts me off dating again the thought of getting wank videos from guys online 🤢🤢

so gross. I've told my H many times that if I die or we were to split up he must remember that NO WOMAN on earth wants wants a photo of his penis and the poor old goat looks at me like I'm crazy.

I always say 'I've just read yet another woman got an unsolicited dick pic that's why I'm reminding you dear' 😅

It's so disgusting and I can't fathom why any man would think it's a good idea but apparently many of them do bc it keeps happening. Sexy text chat is not an invitation for a jerk off video ewwww

I’m saying that because when I was in the early days of several very lusty relationships this wouldn’t have grossed me out at all. I’d have been quite up for it. However I can think of other relationships I’ve been in when this would have been pretty jarring - hence it being a sign the OP isn’t really into him.

I didn't say he shouldn't have asked. Of course he should have asked.

Neither did I say I'm in the majority. Like I said - each to their own. The OP is totally entitled to be disgusted and feel the way that she feels. I was pretty clear about that in my post, no?

My question is one of genuine interest because I'd love to know why - for plenty of women, it would seem - seeing a picture/video of someone's dick is more personal/intimate/shocking/inappropriate than actually having sex with its owner. Obviously a lot of people on the thread feel that way. But if I'd slept with someone a few times I wouldn't be horrified to see a picture of their dick, given that I've already had it inside me on at least three occasions. I'm really just interested to know why people feel the way they do - I'm not saying they're wrong. It's obviously a completely personal choice. I'm just interested in how different people are, really.

@BauhausOfEliott I don't think people are saying it's too personal, or too intimate, I think it's common for women to be attracted to men but not find penises particularly attractive, visually - and that's setting aside the contextual issues about dick pics generally, and that the OP wasn't in a stage in the relationship where it might be reasonable for him to think he had consent.

I think men's feet are pretty gross, it doesn't stop me being attracted to men but I wouldn't want them sending me a close up foot pic!

I would have a word with him and explain that's not really your thing.
If he does it again you know he is not really your thing.

Just block. He doesn't deserve an explanation.

Hi @ThatJollyGreySquid
Sunk fallacy comes to mind here - slept with him 3 times. Nothing changes that but do you want to keep dating someone who you told that you didnt want to exchange intimate shots because you already slept with him?

My privates would snap shut like a clam but I am not you. You posted because it has set something off in your "spidey sense". Listen to that message. What is it telling you?

The person you were falling for was a mirage (unless you typically fall for seedy boundary crashers). It wasn't cool or sexy unless you said you were up for that. It was gross... You can do better. You deserve better. He showed you who he really is. Believe him

Yeah that's a massive no from me!

I think men's feet are pretty gross, it doesn't stop me being attracted to men but I wouldn't want them sending me a close up foot pic!

Sure - but I don't think it's quite the same, because I'm guessing you wouldn't be sucking a man's foot or wanting him to put it inside you either. I know I wouldn't!

But if I've enthusiastically put something inside various bodily orifices for fun on a number of occasions, I'm not going to be repulsed by a picture of it.

I don't think people are saying it's too personal, or too intimate

I was referring to the poster who said it was inappropriate because 'only sleeping with him three times' meant that the OP 'didn't know him well enough' to see a picture of his dick.

To me - and I fully accept that I'm perhaps the outlier here - getting up close and personal with someone's dick in real life probably means I know them well enough to see a picture of it, as it's a lot more intimate/close/personal to actually get naked with someone and shag them than it is to see a picture of sexual activity.

The fact you had already told him this was not something you would like is enough to tell you he's not for you.

On what planet is shagging someone three times and dating 5 weeks any form of established relationship?
honestly I’d think you were a guy bemused as to why women didn’t want to receive dick pics and wanking videos.