Unsolicited rude video

[ThatJollyGreySquid]

AIBU to feel annoyed at being sent a masturbation video by a man I’ve been dating for about 5 weeks? It happened last night after I got home from a date with him. To put it into context, we have slept together and were engaging in some sexual “flanter” over WhatsApp, but it was more playful, complimentary and sexy than downright dirty. He’s been lovely to me, and I was feeling quite positive over the way things were developing. I had told him previously I am not interested in the sharing of intimate photos. This has made me feel weird. Does any woman actually like receiving dick pics or wanking videos?

Yes, I think you’re right. It wasn’t really crude sex talk, more along the lines of “I really loved it when you did this or that” or appreciating body parts, techniques etcetera. Maybe I took it too far….I am more likely to be aroused by verbal communication than visual.
A couple of weeks before intimacy he sent me a message saying “photo incoming” and it was a photo of a castle-I said, “ thats a relief, I was worried that you were sending a dick pic which would have been disappointing as you don’t seem like that type of guy.” Maybe that wasn’t clear enough.

With 1 in 3 women being subjected to sexual abuse you look like an idiot policing women’s language about men. Too many of us have received similar vile videos or had awful experiences to care about watching what we say about them on a woman’s forum. If there’s a man here who’s upset he can speak for himself.

Yes- juvenile- he’s 50!!

Knob!
he’s clearly done this before, real life sex isn’t enough for him- grim, dump

I am not policing anyone, but I take note that you patronisingly call me "an idiot" for having a different opinion. 😂

You are acting a lot worst than the "men" you hate, and if don't get intimidated by men, I am sure not going to be intimidated by the likes of you.

And yes, it's possible to be female and have an opinion, spare me the "you must be a man" because you ran out of arguments.

Just reminding you that mumsnet is not a "woman's forum" though 😂

Now you know why he's still single, when the first few weeks pleasant

Well, sadly his wife died a couple of years ago-that’s why he is single.

They like the thrill

I hate them and I’m incredibly sexual.

I’d make it clear that’s not a turn on for you.

I’d tell him if it turns him on to watch himself he can enjoy his own videos, but most women do not find them sexy.

I can top this story.

I was dating a man from tinder. On the fifth date, we had sex and I was lying in bed. I rolled over the other way for a moment. He grabbed his mobile phone. I rolled back and saw him taking a picture of his erect penis and texting it to someone else.

While he was in bed with me!

Men are like dogs. This same man said it to me himself he said on an earlier date to me that "men are like monkeys, all they think about is sex".

Luckily I wasnt emotionally invested in this guy and I got rid of him.

But they are awful!

Men are so stupid about dick pics and wanking videos. They think their penis looks like something that God created. They think their dick is a massive marvel and that a woman will be wowed when she sees it.

Eh no , dick pics are just ugly. And most women are disgusted by them.

I was actually chatting to a gay male friend abiut dick pics once. I said "why do you think men send dick pics

He said "because men think that their penis is the most beautiful thing to ever exist. It is like a statue. They want to show off how amazing it is. They think women will be impressed".

I said "most women just think that penises in dick pics look ugly".

He said "men would never be able to even grasp that concept of what women think. They are so convinced that their penis looks amazing"

He’s shown you he’s a sexual boundary crosser at this early stage. You said you didn’t want wank videos and he sent you one anyway.

If you “accept” this behaviour you won’t be able to trust him in bed because you might say,for example, “I don’t want to be strangled” and he might do it anyway; if you allow him to cross one sexual boundary, he’ll see you as agreeing to have all sexual boundaries crossed.

I’d be very wary of this man.

It’s fine cos you already had sex

Of course if it was a colossal turn-off for you, and you'd already told him you had no interest in receiving explicit photos, YANBU to dump him.

Personally, I don't really understand the viscerally horrified reaction that people are having on this thread to the mere idea of receiving pictures/video of someone's dick when it's a dick you're already intimately acquainted with. For me, if I'm happy to get up close and personal with it in real life, I'm more than happy to see it in pictures. And outside the realms of Mumsnet, lots of women (including me) do like watching their partner touch himself. It's also a very popular category of porn for women.

I do find it interesting that everyone is saying 'Eww, gross, disgusting, what woman would ever want to receive a pic/video of their boyfriend wanking' because I'd really like receiving that from someone, providing I was already in a sexual relationship with them, and I definitely know plenty of other women who would too. I wouldn't send them pics or video in return, but I'd happily receive them.

Do the people who find it gross to see that in a video also find it gross to see their partner touch themselves in real life? Would you never want him watch him do that in the bedroom either? (Genuine question, no judgement.)

Of course I'm not saying you (or any of the other people on the thread) are wrong - each to their own and you are completely entitled to feel the way you feel. And of course he should never have done it if you'd specifically told him that wasn't something you were into. I guess I just hadn't realised it was something so many people would be shocked about.

You can bet your last penny he is sending sausage selfies to other women too. Anyone lacking those boundaries have no problem doing that, and has no problem performing to their video camera on their phone. Technology sure has brought out the worst in mankind. Back in my day, at least the flashers had to find a big coat, and go out in the park to perform their disgusting habits. Nowadays all they need is broadband.

I think that it shows an utter lack of empathy in men who do this.. THEY want to see pictures of women wanking because it turns them on. So they assume, because of course everyone thinks exactly like they do, that women will want to see pictures of THEM wanking and it will turn them on.

They cannot understand that a lot of women do not think the same way, that many women are turned on differently, and they presume to believe that if they like it, you will like it.

And the lack of empathy is often visible elsewhere in their lives.

The more that ive dated men recently , the more i think i want to turn lesbian

You are acting a lot worst than the "men" you hate,

What a stupid thing to say. Go cry somewhere else because someone said something about some men that you’ve never met.

Who are you writing that to?

As far as I can see, no one wrote that they hated men

I don’t think that is particularly clear that you NEVER want to receive intimate pics. Not defending him, I’ve done OLD and received my fair share of unsolicited ones!

For me it depends on how much you like him. You could have a conversation about it and move on. But if not then of course end it.

Yeah but that was before you’d had sex with him …

I get why you are grossed out but I’d honestly just have a proper face to face conversation with him. Rather than going frosty / ghosting. Unless of course there is no going back for you …

Personally I can see why he’s made a genuine stupid error of judgment. You were engaging in sexual talk about your mutual shared experience - became aroused and clearly thought it was appropriate to share a video of that arousal to you. Clearly he needed to find out for sure this would be welcome but it feels much more contextual to me than an unsolicited dick pic or video.

At the start of online dating I make it very clear that I don’t do pictures, sex talk anything of that nature. But I wouldn’t expect that to taken as forever after once we started having sex and talking about sex in messages.

Given he’s otherwise decent plus a generous skilled lover unless other red flags I’d discuss and see his response.

Zanyzebra.

I am not policing anyone, but I take note that you patronisingly call me "an idiot" for having a different opinion. 😂
You are acting a lot worst than the "men" you hate, and if don't get intimidated by men, I am sure not going to be intimidated by the likes of you.
And yes, it's possible to be female and have an opinion, spare me the "you must be a man" because you ran out of arguments.
Just reminding you that mumsnet is not a "woman's forum" though 😂

It was disrespectful for him to send the video. This is a huge red flag. I would end it.

You are not making any sense.

What would worry me is whether that video was for you or if it’s something he has sent to other women in the past. My gut would say the latter and that would kill any attraction for me