Unsolicited rude video

[ThatJollyGreySquid]

AIBU to feel annoyed at being sent a masturbation video by a man I’ve been dating for about 5 weeks? It happened last night after I got home from a date with him. To put it into context, we have slept together and were engaging in some sexual “flanter” over WhatsApp, but it was more playful, complimentary and sexy than downright dirty. He’s been lovely to me, and I was feeling quite positive over the way things were developing. I had told him previously I am not interested in the sharing of intimate photos. This has made me feel weird. Does any woman actually like receiving dick pics or wanking videos?

What? Are you a man? I don't understand why you would say that?

I don't think many women would appreciate a video of a man wanking unless you're already in the throws of exchanging explicit videos or photos and fully in the moment. Tbh I'm not convinced many women like them even if you are! I certainly wouldn't be, even if it was a partner I was fully attracted to.. just doesn't do anything for me to watch them do that 😂

That's fucking grim OP. It's so horrid when you're developing feelings for a man and he turns out to be (literally) a tosser.

Gross and juvenile. Just block him. Don’t be tempted to explain how you feel about it. He already knows because you told him yet he’s done it anyway.

thank goodness, otherwise most of us would be single and it's really not the case.

In a world of Bonnie Blue and other "celebrities", I would be pissed off to hear men saying "all women are ..."

Shame the very small minority is having such a big impact, that's the problem.

Actually, I was very sexually attracted to him and he is an amazing and generous lover….this seemed out of character, but maybe I misjudged him.

do what feels better for you.

Dump him, obviously, but if you already had sex, what makes you feel more positive? Block him and delete him from your life, or message him "that was gross, what a sad little man you are" and then block.

nothing wrong with sleeping with a man if it was good while it lasted. Life's too short for not having great sex, even out of a serious relationship. Your feelings are based on your ideal image of him, not the real him. Start dating other men, best way to move on and forget.

you are just not compatible , don't blame yourself.
Some people enjoy exchanging explicit videos of themselves. I am not judging, it's not my thing but it's nothing against you if you find it very unappealing too!

Am I being thick... but a video of himself wanking?

Why? Im stunned.

Block…
but if you wanted to help him understand for future “dates”: Send him link to cybeflashing crime definition. Then add “I gave no consent to you sending me these images. That makes it a crime.”

Block! What the hell is wrong with some men? Why would they think that is ok? FFS!

This is about consent

I assume you’ve never been on a mens forum.

I can’t work out what on earth goes through some men’s minds where they think unsolicited dick pics or wanking videos are welcome.

Is because they like receiving pics from women and assumed we feel the same. It doesn't make sense.

Sounds like he got carried away with the sex talk. Talk to him and explain that what he did was not appropriate.

If you still feel uncomfortable, either about the video or even that you had to have a talk about it, then this relationship probably isn't going to go anywhere.

It's a little odd that he videos himself wanking and then thinks it's an appropriate video to send someone. How clear to him did you make it that you don't like dick pics?

I would hate this too OP. There’s a consent issue here too in that he’s sent such an explicit video straight to you - I’d have deleted it too. It really would be a deal breaker to me, I couldn’t move past it (even just the image of him propping up his phone at home then having a wank 🤢) but I guess it’s up to you if you want to tell him how off putting you’ve found it, or just walk away.

No! You told him you didn’t want to share intimate pics.

men with similar views sharing their "views" on a forum.. doesn't mean they're a majority.

Or do you conclude from MN that all women are obsessed with housework, hate having friends let alone hosting them, hate going on holiday and think of nothing else than watch tv every evening, and spend their weeekends in their PJS watching tv, batch cooking and changing bed sheets and towels? Thanks 😂

I dont think I could ever look at him the same way again.

He knew you didn’t want to see that and sent it anyway. He doesn't respect your boundaries. Therefore he doesn’t respect you.

Please see it for what it is.

It isn’t normal, isn’t romantic, it isn’t sensitive, it isn’t thoughtful. It’s disrespect and self obsession. I also think it’s a bit of a power trip on his behalf.

You had 8 dates, be thankful it wasn’t 30. Say I don’t think we are right for each other and end it. Without fail he will be sending a wanking video to another women pretty soon.

Then you can find someone lovely, that listens when you have a boundary and respects it.

I don't agree with the video, or even see why would anyone be interested in making one or sending one, but when 2 people are having sex AND engaging in sex talk, it's not that outrageous.

For some people, sex talk on phone/ messages/ whatsapp IS unsolicited, unpleasant and just a big no.

Jus tell him, yuk , block and move on. No need to be offended on the OP's behalf.

In fairness “most” could be 51% of men. When you consider the amount of men addicted to porn , even amount of men being convicted of viewing child pornography, it’s hardly a gross exaggeration.

A large % Men appear woefully informed about what consent is, what the law is on abuse, pornography, sexual crimes etc. it doesn’t hurt them till they fall foul of it. Whereas women have to navigate a world being exposed to these behaviours all their lives. So yes, women have to train men on what is legal and acceptable behaviour. No one else is.

yep, the “not all men” is true. But those men are tuning out to who is creating hte problems and doing nothing about it. I don’t see those “not all men” being active around closing down porn hub, legislating male mp tightening up on abuse laws , battling against the acceptance of prostitution as legitimate “sex work”, jumping up and making noise about the increase in any trafficking though surrogacy and the misuse and entitlement of women’s bodies. Mostly they stay quite and say nowt cos it doesn’t impact them one jot.

I suppose it depends entirely on you.

Do you think you can get over this? If not 100% then finish it. Regardless of him becoming a saint if you cant move on then its pointless.

Or if you think you can move on but only if he apologises and has an adult conversation with you and accepts that the way he acted was disgusting to you and he must never ever go down that route or anything similar again. You need to make it clear to him that this includes any future thoughts on sexual practices he 'thinks' may be fun etc.

You are 8 dates in. Have said he is nice and pretty normal. You have had sex 3 times so he may not have introduced you to his other preferences in bed yet. Lots to deal with but if, and only if you feel you can move on then have the adult chat.

It’s fucking weird and totally inappropriate to send something like this out of the blue, but:

I had told him previously I am not interested in the sharing of intimate photos

I think this is what makes it unforgivable. He knew, without a doubt, that you’re not interested in even receiving photos like this…so he went one step further and sent a video. This feels suspiciously like a man testing your boundaries, and it’d be entirely reasonable to call it a day over this, especially as you’ve only been seeing him for five weeks.

Foul. What the fuck are men thinking??
Do they really think that women like that sort of thing?
I’m sure they’d love to receive a similar video from their partner, but they can’t be that bloody clueless.

I would definitely call it a day.

I’ve had bottles of milk in my fridge for longer than 5 weeks.

Would you say the same about it if he’d tried to penetrate her without consent just becuase they’d had sex 10 mins earlier, or becuase she’d said 10 mins wilier she wanted sex?
this is whole point of consent.
you need explicit consent for each act.
she explicitly said she wasn’t into videos etc
but even if she hadn’t …she also had not agreed before he sent the images.

luckily the law now recognises this. It is a crime.

same as if he wanted her to have a cup of tea. Simple
https://www.google.com/search?q=consent+is+like+tea&client=safari&sca_esv=4371f740622c0d3e&channel=ipad_bm&sxsrf=AE3TifP-62yPhE6OX3GM0n1Z_j2Rq60i8Q%3A1761746485555&source=hp&ei=NR4Cac7aH4_rhbIPhLCRkQs&iflsig=AOw8s4IAAAAAaQIsRd8-ijnGm6uXQF7mjY8tiINAN2fh&oq=comsent+is+lime&gs_lp=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-pkgcEMTEuNaAH648BsgcEMTAuNbgHuAvCBwgxLjIuMTAuM8gHSg&sclient=gws-wiz#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:b497b738,vid:oQbei5JGiT8,st:0