How would you feel about this if I was your DIL?

[MickeyThunder]

It’s my husband’s 40th next year, and we’ve been talking about booking a holiday to celebrate. The idea came up in front of my parents, and they said they’d love to come along. My husband was fine with that, so I went ahead today and booked flights for a 4-night break. It’ll be me, my husband, our two kids and my parents.

It’s only just hit me that we/I haven’t mentioned it to my husband’s parents or invited them, and I’m wondering if they might be upset when they find out...

There’s no plan to invite them, Id rather not go if they did to be honest! (and my husband isn’t bothered at all about them being there), but I’m just not sure if we’ll get any backlash or if they will be really hurt.

For context, we get on much better with my parents. They’re very easy-going, and my husband would definitely agree. My FIL, on the other hand, can be quite difficult, and I’m not particularly close to him or my MIL.

Op aibu?
responses - near unanimous. yes Yabu.
Op repeated follow up posts but Ianbu ianbu ianbu…Cherry picking the tiny number of people who agree with her.

If you don’t care fair enough. But why post if you genuinely are not planning on doing anything other than what you have already arranged.

I would be so hurt by this, imagine if one of your own kids did this to you when they are an adult!

I’m glad you’re not my dil

I think you can fully expect them to be annoyed and hurt, yes. You either go away just you DH and your DC, or you invite all the parents. You can't go away for your husband's 40th with your parents and exclude his. That's just weird and rude. If anything it should be his parents who tag along, not yours.

I think it was a bit inappropriate for your parents to invite themselves along anyway, knowing it was for your DH's 40th. It's lucky your husband doesn't mind because they put him in an awkward position.

The best way to deal with this is to not mention to his parents that this is in any way a holiday to mark their son's 40th. It's just a few days away with your mum and dad. Hopefully they won't make the connection.

Also, to people saying people are answering with their own perspectives- that’s literally what the OP asked for in her thread title.

How would you feel if your child went away with their partner & the partners parents to celebrate their 40th birthday and didn't think to invite you. I imagine you would be incredibly hurt - as would I if it was my child.

No problem with my children going away with their partner & their parents at any other time of year but to do so to celebrate their milestone birthday along without me would hurt me if I wasn't invited. If it was just the 2 of you it would be fine but it isn't.

Im not sure if any parent wouldn't be upset by this.

I think you've been incredibly thoughtless & should spend some time thinking about how you would feel if it happens to you in the future. If you were my dil I wouldn't have positive feelings towards you right now.

Well your family will get even smaller now ! As the mother of sons I am absolutely shocked that you are trying to justify this ! Do you have any sons ?

Why on earth would neither of you want to go on holiday with mean-minded, hostile people who never go out of their way for you or your kids? They sound adorable. You're obviously carrying out a long-term plan to wrench your husband away from his devoted parents, forcing him to develop an emotional detachment that will eventually come back to bite you. No other explanation is possible!

Its his 40th but your parents?

Its lovely you want a holiday with your parents but your timing seems inconsiderate. If his parents are hard work you could have just gone on holiday without parents.

I suggest your husband arrange something really nice with his parents for all of you.

Im surprised your husband just went along with it - men are confusing at times.

Well I'd be hurt but I like to think I'd never be difficult enough that this is something any child of mine would do.

I'd probably take it as an opportunity to seriously consider what's wrong with my relationship with my son that he doesn't care if I'm there for his big milestones or not and would rather spend time with his wife's parents than with me.

I would know that you actively dislike us, I'd think that you were judgemental and I'd secretly pray that my DS got a divorce.

I think if you don't usually do things together on birthdays don't give it another thought. I hope you all have a lovely time, and your dh has a great birthday relaxing with the good company that he has opted for.

I agree apart from the divorce part - thats a bit worrying!

Men are happy once there wife is happy, they are simple creatures as long as their needs are being met. I wouldn't blame myself at all if this was my DS.
I'd be upset if it was my DD.

I’d be very hurt. It’s such a nasty thing to do to his parents.

You’re making excuses. None of that is relevant. You wanted to know how people would feel if this was their son/DIL. I’d be gutted. How much better you both get on with your parents than his is beside the point because you can hardly use that as your reason when you have to explain it to them (“sorry we didn’t invite you, but you’re quite hard work and we just get on better with/prefer my parents”) That would be even worse!!!!

Even if I did believe it, I wouldn't be any less hurt to know I wasn't thought of when my sons wife made plans for his birthday as that still shows what she/they think of me in general!

OP I would be very hurt. But if neither of you have a good relationship with them..

It sounds a bit like you’ve cultivated the dynamic / narrative where your parents are the golden ones / do no wrong and his are awful. I think you know their feelings will be hurt but you don’t really mind given you don’t like tgem.

I get it, but the other way around. My in laws do so much for us, and we could call them anytime and they'd be there. They love celebrations and social gatherings. I love my parents because they're my parents, but I couldn't rely on them ever for anything, and they definitely wouldn't want to come to anything like a birthday celebration, even if I was for me. Sadly, sometimes the people we are close to and can rely on changes over time.

I'd like to think I'd do a good enough job of raising my son that he won't be "a simple creature".

He most likely opted because it was organised, I'm assuming had his family been originally included, he would have been okay with that also.

I’d think you were nasty and spiteful and I would blame you more than your DH because it’s your parents going along.

My dh woudnt agree to this. He'd say lets do the holiday at a later date. And thats fair enough.

It really irks me everyone thinks men cant be held accountable. I think both are being inconsiderate.

It's a dick move but you knew that when you did so not sure why you've posted here looking for a thumbs up

Oh me too, if he meets a woman who doesn't like you/me, we'll be slowly forgotten.
There is a million rules that mothers of DS must learn when they get married.