Cleaner invited friends over AIBU

[Nestingbirds]

We have an arrangement with our cleaner that she takes care of our animals when we are away for a few days. She usually stays in the annexe but this time stayed in our house due to refurbishment.

We had an agreement when this started that we would prefer she didn’t have visitors apart from her long term boyfriend. He is away atm. She was totally on board, and said she would feel the same if it was her house.

We pay her really really well, and leave her lots of treats including fresh flowers. She told me she likes the time she has to herself, and all is well.

Only our neighbour texted me to say there are people coming and going from our house and sent me her ring doorbell footage. Not only is she having friends over, she isn’t actually spending time with the animals or cleaning (we pay her separately for both) as the rest of the time she has been out. We never leave our dog all day. Whilst we obviously don’t mind her going out, and want her to be happy, I just feel taken for a ride as she is clearly not there doing either.

I have messaged her to see how she is, hoping she would be honest about her friend coming over and staying for hours in our house, but she has continued to lie to me.

I feel like I can’t trust her now. Wwyd?

Oooo fabulous idea. Maybe I’ll take up short story writing…

Just to say, hope your dog's ok tomorrow. Maybe you know this, but just in case. Vet will probably want a urine sample. If you can catch one and take it with you it will save a bit of time.

Can the posters who dislike the thread and are just being rude, please leave and stop clogging the thread for others.

it’s ok to have different opinions- but if it’s that ludicrous to you then move on.

OP - I hope you’re ok and that your pets are ok. Hopefully once you know they’re ok you can feel more relieved.

OP isn’t her employer.

Hope the appointment with the vet helps tomorrow.

No idea why my post was deleted - 1st time for everything. Was just commiserating how this thread does seem to have fallen victim to a growing presence/ type of negative poster (the kind of person who uses the derogatory term snowflake). MN clearly didn’t appreciate the sentiment.

Try to not rip up your couch with your claws, as your cattiness is quite unpleasant.

Is this how you try to make yourself feel better? Bigger? More important?

Epic fail. 🙄

I think what's happening here with the posters who find this thread incredulous is that they are not taking into account that this wasn't the typical relationship of 'having a spot on a self employed cleaner's schedule' as it usually is, therefore, although the service is quite a personal one, and always requires trust it's a purely professional one where feelings and emotions and knowing all about the cleaner in a personal capacity just doesn't happen.

I have read all the OP's posts now and a lot of the posts where pps are arguing, and what the argumentative people are getting wrong here is that this person wasn't a typical self employed cleaner with say two or three clients per day to service, she had become more of a housekeeper/housesitter/dogsitter/friend to the OP and also take into account she only had one other client, so a very personal and much more intense relationship has developed within this scenario that some people are not understanding.

THIS is what has caused all this hurt, OP trusted this person as WAY more than just a cleaner/client relationship, it has became very personal over the years with roles and trust lines blurred, and the mistreatment of her dog and her home is shocking in any case, and would need to fire the cleaning/dogsitting service and replace and move on, but as described, it must feel like one of your trusted friends letting you down horribly. I can really understand the level of hurt of the betrayal, it's so bad. Before this, OP thought there was a mutual kindness and personal caring for each other!

It's not just a cleaner acting badly (ie the advice just get another one and stop going on) it's a trusted friend which hurts like hell. 💐

@AnnoyedAsAllHeck yeah- she has been constantly nasty. You have to be pretty unhappy to behave like that.

She's really unpleasant and I think envious.

There is definitely something wrong with her- sad that some posters feel the need to take their problems out on others.

I think it's possible you've ignored what some other posters have said TBH. As you rightly say this doesn't appear to be a 'typical' cleaner/client relationship and this is precisely what has been explored. Largely by suggesting that the OP is/was doing herself no favours by letting the relationship develop in such a way. A couple of people have talked about 'blurred' boundaries. This doesn't excuse the cleaner, but avoiding this in the future could reduce the likely of a repeat.

There is also the fact that the OP has talked in one breath about discussing all sorts of personal things with the cleaner, about the cleaner knowing more than some of her friends and about the end of the relationship feeling like losing an old friend, then in the next breath talking about the cleaner as a liar, who burns clothes, steals from charity bags, and loses her shit with delivery drivers and workmen. I suspect a lot of the PP who find the thread ludicrous find it hard to reconcile these two apparently contradictory positions. And while you might keep a person like this on to clean, I think some of us find it difficult to understand why you would trust them to look after animals. Initially I had thought that maybe the OP was a bit stuck. That they were maybe a lot older with few friends or family who could help, but she has stated clearly this isn't the case. In short, you talk about the cleaner being trusted and you may be right, but I think lots of us think, given the scale of her peculiar behaviour over years "why?"

In addition, there does seem to a peculiar 'and another thing' tone to some of the OP's posts. A kind of drip feeding escalation, which is, frankly, fascinating in both its execution and reception by others.

Just gotta leave the lodge, Fergie.

Wrong thread? 🤔

Sorry you’ve had nasty spiteful people on this thread op. I don’t know why people enjoy that behaviour.

but I’m glad you are rid of the cleaner. And well done for changing the locks. I really hope your dear pets are ok and a vet visit sounds good. Hopefully you can settle them back to normal in a few days.

your trust has been shattered but you did not know that this was happening behind your back. Now you are aware you’ve acted immediately and you are now keeping your family safe. I hope you feel better soon and same goes for sweet dog and cat. It’s outrageous and disgusting behaviour from your cleaner.

@LavenderRagdoll told ya! Sad af! 🤣

I saw that the poster gets jealous comments early on but apparently it has blown even further.

Dear Poster, your house, your animals, your money to chose to spend on cleaner or not.

The fact this woman has been sacked but prepared < a gift > and expected to be welcomed to bring it to the front door, seems she is quite an abusive person and has gotten the idea that you don't really count as the Mistress of your own house but apparently pay her with your husband's money???? I hope she never thought of trying to chat him up

Parading as the owner of the house, taking clothes, stuff and wine and signing with your name???? = these are not things one hears every day about cleaners.
My two daughters were both living in nannies, they never have done anything like that

you seem to have dodged a bullet there, in what shape, size or form you don't know and tbh, you don't need to know. Changing the locks is a wise idea. Be blessed and hope your animals recover

it is interesting though and a bit layered

Just a quick update on the dog, she is completely fine. No sign of infection, just out of her routine the vet suspects. I am following pp
advice and praising her outside.

Thank you for everyone’s concern for us, and especially our pup.

Have a lovely stress free weekend everyone, and thank you for your kindness on this thread 🐾

i am glad she is ok.have a stress free weekend and relax xx

Good to hear. I am sure a lot of people were worrying about how your dog was. Hopefully she is getting more back to normal now she has you home. Onwards and upwards now and don't look back!

Thanks for the update OP, so glad your neighbour told you about what was going on so your dog and cat didn’t have to endure another night under her “care”.

Hi OP I am so sorry this happend to you all. From the pets point of view, please think about a boarder in the future. There are a lot of us out there who offer th service as we are animal lovers. Any good ones would chat and meet with you first to see if it is an option you could use if you wanted to go away where it wasn't possible to take the pup. They can also offer pop in's to feed and let the cat in and out.

Just make sure they are fully insured and licenced from the council Boarders offer a home from home environment and are an excellent alternative especially for nervous or older dogs who just want the snuggles on the sofa. You might need to meet with a few to get the right one but from experience they are worth looking at.