Cleaner invited friends over AIBU

[Nestingbirds]

We have an arrangement with our cleaner that she takes care of our animals when we are away for a few days. She usually stays in the annexe but this time stayed in our house due to refurbishment.

We had an agreement when this started that we would prefer she didn’t have visitors apart from her long term boyfriend. He is away atm. She was totally on board, and said she would feel the same if it was her house.

We pay her really really well, and leave her lots of treats including fresh flowers. She told me she likes the time she has to herself, and all is well.

Only our neighbour texted me to say there are people coming and going from our house and sent me her ring doorbell footage. Not only is she having friends over, she isn’t actually spending time with the animals or cleaning (we pay her separately for both) as the rest of the time she has been out. We never leave our dog all day. Whilst we obviously don’t mind her going out, and want her to be happy, I just feel taken for a ride as she is clearly not there doing either.

I have messaged her to see how she is, hoping she would be honest about her friend coming over and staying for hours in our house, but she has continued to lie to me.

I feel like I can’t trust her now. Wwyd?

There's a certain type of person - irrespective of culture or background - who thinks that others are there to be used. That's what has happened here.

At last, you've got it. You got there in the end.

There’s absolutely no way I’d leave my animals with someone who’d variously impersonated me, burnt clothes, had to be told about watching films while supposedly working, stole clothes meant for a charity etc, etc. Why would anyone keep employing such a person, let alone entrust animals to them? Mind boggling.

Agreed. The cleaner is absolutely using the OP. Getting paid and not doing what she’s getting paid to do.

Of course she can't still work for you.
the lack of care for your poor dear Dog alone would make me absolutely furious.
I would be letting the woman know exactly what I thought of her.
Your Husband is being ridiculous even entertaining this.

Think about the animals she neglected OP. That should rouse your anger. Good luck!

Good luck! You are definitely not in the wrong here! I would not like strangers in my home - absolutely no way! I wouldn't let strangers in off the street, and this is no different. And your poor animals......

Yeah you need to find your anger. Not walking your dog at all, I’m furious thinking about that.

Yes, definitely keep your poor dog in mind to help maintain your determination.

I hope things go ok for you when you contact this lady op. Have you checked the garden yet? If there is a lot of dog poo in the garden it is further confirmation that your dog hasn't been taken out at all. As a dog owner I know that having totally trustworthy carers for your dog if you go away is vital and, like you, I would feel most strongly about the neglect of my dog. I am fortunate in being able to leave our dog with my daughter, who left ves dogs and has one of her own. If this option isn't available there is a lovely local lady who does dog sitting in her own home. Only ever takes a maximum of two and they are never left together overnight or if she goes out ....just in case 🐕😃. They are walked twice a day with photos sent and my dog loves her ....bounds into her house tail wagging on the taste occasions we use her. She won't take a dog to stay until she's met the dog in its home environment and has been happily walked by her first a couple of times. There are good conscientious people out there op. Hope you find one soon. 💐

When you're a non-confrontational type, it's very hard going against that instinct, but I think in this case you have to be firm but fair.

I totally understand and empathise with your anxiety - if you're not a confrontational person, this stuff is more stressful to you than it might be to others.

Try to channel it into a cold, firm and focused anger rather than letting her derail it into apologies, recriminations, drama and turning herself into the victim. You don't need explanations or excuses, you just need to act decisively to end this situation that has got out of hand.

Please don't blame yourself for being soft or naive - if you have a good heart, you tend to give others the benefit of the doubt. But it's clearly a learning experience for you about starting with firmer boundaries next time. We're all here to learn!

(This, btw, is why diligent and trustworthy workers are being called back into the office - the minority of dishonest shirkers like this can't be trusted to WFH and spoil it for everyone...).

Good luck! Don't expect this to be comfortable, but ending her employment is the win here!

oh hopefully it's all over now OP but good luck.

Find your anger for your dog at least.

I would be livid with her. Not walking your dog, leaving it alone all day and not cleaning your cat's litter tray is terrible and very upsetting. Sounds like she was living it up in your house entertaining friends, drinking your wine, having takeaways with no concern for your pets. Thank goodness that your observant neighbour alerted you and you were able to come back from your holiday early.
I would definitely not be having her in the house again. It's her loss as you sound like a kind, caring person who has treated her really well but she has just taken advantage of you. Get her to return your keys and change the locks.

She asked me to text as she is at another clients house. So I did. Outlining what we know and saying how upset we are.

She hasn’t even tried to defend it, she just apologised immediately and said she would understand if we didn’t want her to come back

😢 So deeply disappointed in her

Tbh I’d not call her, in part to avoid direct confrontation but also to keep it detached and clinical. I’d send her a detailed text/Whatsapp stating: that you were forced to come home early because you’d been contacted by a neighbour who was concerned for your dog and the security of your home. You were hoping it was a misunderstanding but security camera footage clearly shows that your dog was left alone, went unwalked and that visitors were allowed into the house. All of this was a breach of trust, as well as the the verbally agreed contract between you. You and your DH are utterly appalled as well as deeply hurt by her actions. As a result you are terminating your business relationship immediately and will be hiring another cleaner and will seek professionally qualified dog sitters going forward. As a consequence of the level of neglect shown to your pets you will not be paying her nor will you be furnishing her with a reference.

Then block.

ETA - see you have already texted. Glad it is resolved.

Definitely don't have her back. I wouldn't entertain the idea of having someone back who left my dog alone all day. I would be furious and devastated.

I'm glad she made it relatively easy. Ask for the keys back, or even get the locks changed. Then draw a line under it. She knew she fucked up, big time. How dare she, what an utter piss taker.

It sounds like she was expecting that?

I did wonder if this weekend may have been a last hurrah for her and if she was planning on leaving anyway?

Or is she saying she understands if you don't want her back, to make you feel a bit guilty and thinks you will relent once you've had your say?

Anyway, it seems like she has made it easy for you and at least your dog and your house are OK and youve dealt with it, tho you may have to go on holiday again to get over it all (just joking)

If you know who they are, I'd contact the other client as a heads up.

She’s just not that into you op. Sounds like that’s hard for you to hear

Well, she was probably trying to control the narrative, but now it's in writing and she's acknowledged it. This is solid.

More drama won't help. Just get on with changing your locks and maybe your passwords, checking anything she might have had access to.

And have lots of doggy and moggy cuddles! ❤️

It Beggars belief!
If you paid her in advance ask her for money back including deliveroo and other food of yours she ate.
Ask her for the money for the expensive bottle of wine she took. Getting locks changed will be pricey . Maybe just a ring doorbell cam. Perhaps out the back too in case she has key to garden doors.

Im not sure that saying you don't have children is a lie, if you then say you have 2 step children.

The rest is a shit show and is very silly thing to do

find someone else and then tell them you had to let the last person go as your neighbour keeps an eye on whats going on and sent you video evidence

What do you mean? She's a liar and a thief. Why would the OP care if she was 'into her' or not?