Cleaner invited friends over AIBU

[Nestingbirds]

We have an arrangement with our cleaner that she takes care of our animals when we are away for a few days. She usually stays in the annexe but this time stayed in our house due to refurbishment.

We had an agreement when this started that we would prefer she didn’t have visitors apart from her long term boyfriend. He is away atm. She was totally on board, and said she would feel the same if it was her house.

We pay her really really well, and leave her lots of treats including fresh flowers. She told me she likes the time she has to herself, and all is well.

Only our neighbour texted me to say there are people coming and going from our house and sent me her ring doorbell footage. Not only is she having friends over, she isn’t actually spending time with the animals or cleaning (we pay her separately for both) as the rest of the time she has been out. We never leave our dog all day. Whilst we obviously don’t mind her going out, and want her to be happy, I just feel taken for a ride as she is clearly not there doing either.

I have messaged her to see how she is, hoping she would be honest about her friend coming over and staying for hours in our house, but she has continued to lie to me.

I feel like I can’t trust her now. Wwyd?

That’s shocking! As a pet sitter I am offended by her lack of care. I would never do that.

@Sandtheedges

Lol, WTF? Op is employing her services, not dating her! Who cares if this woman is “into”, OP?
silly comment.

It almost sounds like she doesn't care too much about keeping your goodwill or her job! She's been taking the piss for a while and this is the culmination of that. The least she should have done was walk the dog and empty the cat litter. When you get someone new be very clear about your expectations and boundaries. Perhaps now is a good time to write down a list of do's and don'ts for your next cleaner/dog sitter.

Considering her response, I agree she knew she would run out of road at some point. Her apology was weak, defeatist and lacking any real explanation.

I think she has been quietly eroding our boundaries for a long time, and getting away with it, and stopped valuing us at some point as a result. Seeing us as mugs rather than the decent, honest family we are.

Anyone that truly cared would never have compromised their job for this kind of dishonesty. And if they had done this mistakenly, they would be mortified and profusely apologetic. I don’t see this at all from her.

I am glad to be rid of her now. She must be pretty toxic underneath the veneer and probably just mirrored her way through her work here. She is not a genuine person, just an out for all they can get type of person.

You had all my sympathies until you said “busy spending our money”. If she had done the job as asked, cleaned/looked after the dog etc, and later gone on a shopping spree or booked herself a nice holiday would that still be spending your money?!

I can’t believe how shameless she is, what a terrible person.

Bit harsh.
the cleaner hadn’t exactly earnt this money.

But she DIDN'T do those things, did she!? So she did in effect steal the money. WTF are there so many apologists for this cleaner on here!?

Anyone that truly cared would never have compromised their job for this kind of dishonesty.

Well, no. It's all about attitude to work and being a decent person. Do you think she didn't really want the job anymore or just got complacent? Probably thought she wouldn't get caught out. She obviously doesn't care about having a decent reference from you or guarding her local reputation.

At least you've told her, and she knows that you're aware if the truth. She's lost a regular client now. Sounds like she's used to it and perhaps does this often when she's won clients trust. I'd definitely leave a factual review on her services.

What I haven’t seen is a shred of remorse, genuine remorse.

It really has made me question my own judgement. I thought she had her issues, but was fundamentally a genuine and honest person.

She sent me a message to say she ‘resigns’ as she knows we won’t be able to forgive her, and it is unforgivable. Do I translate that as the game is up and I’m moving on from her?

Are you 12?

Where's her apology to your poor dog? What a shameless creature.

At least she hasn't tried to style it out. Just forget her, OP.

Change your locks.

Beaten to it by herbaltincture

Please change your locks

Do try not to beat yourself up, none of this is your fault 💐

Oh dear OP, that is awful.

You say you came back a day early - she was probably planning on doing a clean on the last day, change cat litter and maybe even schedule it so that she was just getting back from a dog walk when you arrived back, and everything would be lovely and you wouldn't have a clue.

Thankfully your neighbour had the gumption to notice and alert you.

Are you the lazy, neglectful, deceitful cleaner who steals her employer’s clothes and wine and gets paid for doing nothing?

Why does someone you employ have to "be into you"? I don't get it

She has resigned- i would have responded - no you have
been sacked.

Ignore the many 'goaders' shall we say... they get cheap thrills from attention... 🤣

I am so sorry this has happened OP, she took the piss and ultimately ruined it for herself. I am sorry for your dog but she will be fine, I promise - you're back now and can make a big fuss. I think we mostly expect people to behave decently and it's a shock when they don't.

If reply you haven’t resigned as I’ve already dismissed you.

I’m not sure what you said in your text or how you worded it. But I’d reply saying no you haven’t resigned I have dismissed you with immediate effect due to gross misconduct.

I have said to her it is irreparable and she can’t return, that we need to be able to have trust and honesty. That I felt horrified she has been trusted so many times before, and I basically can’t believe she would do this to us. She knows never to come back. It’s over. I will never have that woman back in our home.

I have the keys back, but will change the locks anyway.

It oddly feels really personal. Like I lost a really old friend, I guess because she has been with us for so long and she knows us in a way most people don’t. Not even our close friends.