Cleaner invited friends over AIBU

[Nestingbirds]

We have an arrangement with our cleaner that she takes care of our animals when we are away for a few days. She usually stays in the annexe but this time stayed in our house due to refurbishment.

We had an agreement when this started that we would prefer she didn’t have visitors apart from her long term boyfriend. He is away atm. She was totally on board, and said she would feel the same if it was her house.

We pay her really really well, and leave her lots of treats including fresh flowers. She told me she likes the time she has to herself, and all is well.

Only our neighbour texted me to say there are people coming and going from our house and sent me her ring doorbell footage. Not only is she having friends over, she isn’t actually spending time with the animals or cleaning (we pay her separately for both) as the rest of the time she has been out. We never leave our dog all day. Whilst we obviously don’t mind her going out, and want her to be happy, I just feel taken for a ride as she is clearly not there doing either.

I have messaged her to see how she is, hoping she would be honest about her friend coming over and staying for hours in our house, but she has continued to lie to me.

I feel like I can’t trust her now. Wwyd?

No worries, I got what you meant! I totally agree that @MrsDoubtfire1 was being a complete goady arsehole.

I think she needs to be sacked.

But unless youre home and have cover for the dog id wait til i was back. Its a shame, but sadly so much has eradicated the trust you cant go back

I do domestic cleaning and pet sitting, and I wouldn't dream of having anyone else in a client's house, other than people they've pre-approved. My sister occasionally helps me to clean one house, but the owner has met her and approved. And I would never ever leave the dog I was sitting for longer than a couple of hours, and again, that would be pre-approved by the client. If their dog/pets weren't able to be left at all, I would charge more and comply with the requirements, because that's what's being paid for.
This person is completely taking the pee, taking money but not doing the job, actually endangering your pets and your home's security, and you've got to fire them in afraid. It's a crap thing to have to do, but what they've done is much, much worse.

You sound like a really good client. I have a couple like this, who's houses and pets I look after, and they feel like friends/family after all this time. You should be being cherished, not have someone taking the absolute pee like this 😓

night I noticed there is dust everywhere. She seems to have just polished taps and put bleach down the loos. Most of the mirrors, sinks and surfaces haven’t been touched.

you were away for a long weekend so presumably it was in a pretty shitty state 3 days ago before you left?

There’s also an element of thinking that the OP could start articulating what she wants if she doesn’t want a repeat in the future. Take the door answering while she was there. Either 1) the cleaner asked if she would answer the door, in which case if the OP wasn’t happy she should have said 2) the cleaner was asked by the OP to answer the door or 3) the cleaner just did it without asking and the OP should have pulled her up at the time. Whatever happened the OP let it slide (while also apparently discussing it with her daughter). Even now she doesn’t want to address what’s actually happened (and for all the “the poor howling dog” people, we don’t know that’s what went on. That’s been embellished on each telling). I understand not wanting to be confrontational, but jeez have boundaries.

But yea, mainly it’s who the hell leaves their home and pets with a woman who the OP obviously had some serious concerns about.

OP, I’ve read just your posts on this thread and therefore only the ones you’ve responded to as well. I’m absolutely astounded at the excuses made for the cleaner, the whataboutery and the sheer bloody victim-blaming you’ve had to endure. I genuinely wonder what goes through some people’s heads.

if that was my poor dog I’d have gone nuclear, I think your restraint is remarkable.

It’s easy to let small mistakes slide when they’re rare and inconsequential at the time, people just brush just them off. However, having her cleaner blatantly lie to her is bound to shake her and will change how she sees her. Little things once ignored, will start to feel more important and that exactly what the OP is doing now, going back to see if there's any signs that she's missed. Sometimes, it takes a big event for people to see the full picture.

Nailed it

Have you read what has happened in the past? “Small mistakes”??

So? The cleaner is paid to clean! It doesn't matter what state the house is in.

Head. Wall. Bang.

The Op has only just noticed that the house is in a poor state.

It would have been in a poor state 3 days ago!! Ie before she went away ie the house is not being properly cleaned!

What did your husband say to her when you were out with the dog and he was there by himself with her?

What are you on about? Dust settles, which is why cleaners come in weekly! My cleaner comes in twice a week sometimes.

I wouldn’t have her again and I’d be changing the locks.

For goodness sake.
Please do not compromise your poor Animals anymore.
Sack her immediately IMO. It's a no brainer!

Over 3 days there was dust everywhere and the mirrors etc were dirty.

my point is…. Clearly amongst all the other shit this cleaner has been up to for years, she wasn’t even a decent cleaner!!

I have had similar a few years back, and I too am a complete coward. I let my DH talk to her and sack her on the spot. And even then I was thinking 'well, she wasn't too bad, maybe we could give her another chance?' But actually my DH was right, you can't let a dishonest person into your private vulnerable space unless there is 100 per cent trust and honesty.

I agree with others who say you've had some right weird and nasty comments on this thread. I suspect it's probably envy: social position and money.

I also agree that this cleaner views kindness and friendliness as weakness, quite a few people are like this.

The main thing is that she's gone. Try to forget about it, OP.

She has seriously breached your trust and sadly there can be no going back. This is who she really is.

Your home is your private haven and she has violated you in a terrible way, not to mention leaving your poor dog, knowing it would cause upset and discomfort.

Why oh why was she so stupid and blind when she had it so good.

There are genuine people out there, you just have to find them.

You are a kind good person, so do not feel guilty letting her go 💐

The reason your house seems a little uncared for ( your words , dusty & car litter tray needing to be emptied )
Is she has probably in the years you've been away , treated your house and pets disregardingly until the day you are due back , then done a massive tidy up for your return .
You coming back early has shown that .

Or, you know, a normal house that was due a weekly visit from the cleaner.

So years of being a stand up good cleaner

and this weekend everything went to shit

I’m not justifying the cleaner’s actions.

but I don’t believe the house can have been in such a state after 3 days. Also the OP came back early. What would be the point of it being pristine on day1.

the cleaner really needs to go but the OP needs to learn, if she is going to hire people in her home, to treat them as professionals.

they don’t need flowers and chocolates, they are being paid, or questions about their personal life. But what they do need is feedback on whether they are doing a good job or not, and why. and calling out if they are clearly taking the piss.

grumbling about it to other people, and strangers on the internet is pretty pointless.

that’s not envy or inverse snobbery, but people treat cleaners so weirdly with this fuzzy boundary.

I have a great relationship with my cleaner, who I trust with anything, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have a professional relationship

Are you just not very bright? Houses get dusty! That isn't the fault of the cleaner! The fault is when they don't then clean them.

So it would seem, not sure what point you're trying to make