Page 16 | Cleaner invited friends over AIBU

Nestingbirds · 2025-10-27T06:43:59+00:00

We have an arrangement with our cleaner that she takes care of our animals when we are away for a few days. She usually stays in the annexe but this time stayed in our house due to refurbishment. We had an agreement when this started that we would prefer she didn’t have visitors apart from her long term boyfriend. He is away atm. She was totally on board, and said she would feel the same if it was her house. We pay her really really well, and leave her lots of treats including fresh flowers. She told me she likes the time she has to herself, and all is well. Only our neighbour texted me to say there are people coming and going from our house and sent me her ring doorbell footage. Not only is she having friends over, she isn’t actually spending time with the animals or cleaning (we pay her separately for both) as the rest of the time she has been out. We never leave our dog all day. Whilst we obviously don’t mind her going out, and want her to be happy, I just feel taken for a ride as she is clearly not there doing either. I have messaged her to see how she is, hoping she would be honest about her friend coming over and staying for hours in our house, but she has continued to lie to me. I feel like I can’t trust her now. Wwyd?

Notsoother · 28/10/2025 06:35

Nestingbirds · 28/10/2025 06:34

I don’t agree. There has been no outright dishonesty like this before now.

I fail to see how your posts are helpful. She clearly hasn’t cleaned very well/at all. She has broken our trust by inviting people into our home without asking. She left the dog for long stretches unattended. Why wouldn’t I be upset?

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Woah

your benchmark for what constitutes dishonesty is…. Low

Notsoother · 28/10/2025 06:36

Oh I’d be upset
very upset but I never in a month of Sunday would have left my home and precious dog in the sole care of someone who had shown my repeatedly over years that they were sketchy!!!

BackToLurk · 28/10/2025 06:44

Notsoother · 28/10/2025 06:36

Oh I’d be upset
very upset but I never in a month of Sunday would have left my home and precious dog in the sole care of someone who had shown my repeatedly over years that they were sketchy!!!

Someone sketchy who coincidentally chose this weekend to entirely forget how to clean.

Notsoother · 28/10/2025 06:44

BackToLurk · 28/10/2025 06:44

Someone sketchy who coincidentally chose this weekend to entirely forget how to clean.

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Yep

All very odd

JustAnotherDayWorkingAtHome · 28/10/2025 06:45

Please speak to her directly don’t make assumptions. Say your neighbour checked in with you as noticed a lot of people coming and going and see what she says. She deserves a chance to explain yiu can then decide what to do.

NotForTheMoneyandNotForTheApplause · 28/10/2025 06:49

BackToLurk · 28/10/2025 06:44

Someone sketchy who coincidentally chose this weekend to entirely forget how to clean.

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How does not doing something equal forgetting how to do it? That doesn't make sense

Original poster

Nestingbirds · 28/10/2025 06:49

I have arranged to speak to an agency this morning to cover the cleaning.

I will also watch the whole footage so I can be sure (although I am 99% certain nothing will change the situation, as she def had people over as I have seen them)

Then I will contact her and ask her to explain why she did this without asking me, and why was it okay to leave our dog for such a long time.

OP posts:

NotForTheMoneyandNotForTheApplause · 28/10/2025 06:51

Notsoother · 28/10/2025 06:44

Yep

All very odd

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Why are you being so weirdly aggressive?

You must have come across people who behave differently to you before

Original poster

Nestingbirds · 28/10/2025 06:53

Those are the two biggest issues. I have barely slept, and having slept on the situation I am really quite furious this morning.

I am the kind of person that leaves her chocolates and thank you notes every now and then, I buy her gloves in the winter in her favourite colour. I offer her a bottle of rosé to take home on a summer’s evening. She has always said we are the nicest family to work for. Why would she ruin it all?

Yes maybe I have been a complete idiot, and she has translated this into weakness rather than kindness, but I have always been this way. We have always had such good relationships with the people we have worked with over the years, and stay in touch with most of them.

OP posts:

JustAnotherDayWorkingAtHome · 28/10/2025 06:55

Nestingbirds · 28/10/2025 06:49

I have arranged to speak to an agency this morning to cover the cleaning.

I will also watch the whole footage so I can be sure (although I am 99% certain nothing will change the situation, as she def had people over as I have seen them)

Then I will contact her and ask her to explain why she did this without asking me, and why was it okay to leave our dog for such a long time.

I would ask her more openly. Say can you confirm the hours you were at the house so I can pay you appropriately as my neighbour thought you were out all day one day and also mentioned a lot of people coming and going so she checked in with me what was going on as she was concerned.

SparklyGlitterballs · 28/10/2025 07:11

Hi OP. I've only read your responses, not the 16 pages of other replies, so someone may have already suggested this.

When we had a bigger dog, we hated leaving her in kennels as it wasn't something she liked or was used to. Instead we used a company called Home From Home. Your dog goes into a family home and is treated as their pet for the duration. You can request that your dog is the only dog in the home. Host homes are vetted, and hosts can state their own preferences (big or small dogs, one dog at a time etc). You are given the name of a potential host and can contact them prior to the hosting, to make sure you find them suitable (can request an alternative if something seems 'off'). They weren't cheap, compared to kennels, but our dog was always spoiled and came home happy. Maybe investigate if there's a similar company near you? The one we used was national and had families all over the country.

I hope your dog is ok today. I bet they were thrilled to see you when you got back 🐾

Original poster

Nestingbirds · 28/10/2025 07:18

I don’t think I am being petty but she hasn’t even changed the cat litter either 😕

OP posts:

Freysimo · 28/10/2025 07:25

Ignore the nasty comments, you are entirely in the right. She's not done the job she's paid for and worse, not cared for your pets. You are under no obligation to her at all. I agree you should watch the footage first though.

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 28/10/2025 07:29

Not sure why people are siding with the cleaner. She’s lied, not done either of the jobs she’s paid for and broken your trust. I’d be angry and upset. I feel for you as it’s in your home. Your sanctuary.

InboxOverload · 28/10/2025 07:30

Irenesortof · 27/10/2025 08:04

I have step children and say No if asked if I have DC. She doesn’t have to be open about her personal life, but if the neighbour is right, she’s behaving very badly. But do check your facts before confronting her because the neighbour
may have got the wrong impression from just occasionally looking at the ring footage.

You wouldn’t say, “I have stepchildren.” ?Odd to pretend they don’t exist.

Muggletum · 28/10/2025 07:31

I hate confrontation too, and completely understand how you have acted. I also get why you would be angry - not walking your dog or changing the cat litter are two obvious duties of someone pet-sitting, and I would also hate having strangers in my house when I wasn't there.

It is understandable that the other things that have happened, over the years, have built up gradually to the point that you've either overlooked them or found ways to justify them. You are obviously a nice person, and you see the best in people. Maybe you needed something like this as a catalyst to act. She is not the only cleaner around, she's not even a particularly good one, and at the end of the day you have employed her for a job that she didn't do well.

Don't feel guilty, you don't have to make a big song and dance about it if you don't feel you want to (many may disagree about that, but they're not you!) You could just say you've decided to cut back now and won't be needing her to clean any more. Simple and straightforward. But please don't be fobbed off with "give her one last chance" as you'll never trust her again, and your pets - and you - deserve much better.

andthat · 28/10/2025 07:33

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 15:31

I am going to thank her, pay her and line up a replacement asap and let her go. Today my priority will be to get the keys back, and dog walked.
I am not great with confrontations, and prob just make an excuse and not tell her the real reason. No doubt she will guess, she isn’t stupid.

Come on @Nestingbirds

Assert yourself!!

Why the hell would you pay her?

At the very least you need tell her why you are letting her go.

CautiousLurker2 · 28/10/2025 07:35

Nestingbirds · 28/10/2025 07:18

I don’t think I am being petty but she hasn’t even changed the cat litter either 😕

I think she was going to have a whizz around a few hours before you got home but you scuppered that by coming home early. Tbf, though, you wouldn’t have expected daily cleaning? The issue here, from what I can see, is less about the cleaning and more to do with the welfare of your pets - your dog was crying/sufficiently distressed that a neighbour contacted you; your dog was left alone for hours and was not walked; the cat’s litter tray was not attended to - and the fact that she appears (subject to reviewing the NDN’s footage) to have had multiple visitors against your express instructions violating your privacy and undermining your home security is also unacceptable. Even if the contract between you is informal/verbal, she is in breach. I’d not even pay her, frankly, as she’s not done was she was being paid to do, and moreover, she’s had free room and board for the duration (plus wine).

I’d change the locks and put up your own Ring doorbell and chalk this up to experience - very important to keep clear boundaries between you and people you employ. We have a cleaner who is lovely and efficient when she comes, but also a bit elastic with the truth. She will call and say that she cannot come because she or DSS is ill and then post about his special assembly on FB later that day!! I could care less, and if she just said she’d forgotten about DSS’s school thing I’d have been fine, but because I know she needs the money I used to bend over backwards to accommodate a make-up shift at the weekend when we are all home and it was a bit intrusive. I don’t do that now.

Iwasneverafan · 28/10/2025 07:36

Jesus, some of the replies on this thread!
I swear these people just come here to give out their daily dose of contrary, anonymous evil as payback for their own shit life because it’s the only place they can be a total arseholes to someone feeling vulnerable and get away with it.

OP, please stop justifying yourself and your resolve about this girl to all the goady twats questioning why you’re upset now and have changed your mind about her. She’s obviously been a very clever manipulator and her time is up.

Your AIBU was about her inviting people into your home which you had specifically told her you didn’t want her to do. Stop getting drawn on all of the other shit people are throwing at you.
The trust has gone, that is it!
Get a new cleaner / dog sitter …. There are loads of them.
You are perfectly justified to trust your friend/ neighbour and call this girl out on her cf-ery behaviour in your home.

You and your family sound like lovely people who have been taken for granted and deserve so much better; as does your beautiful dog. 💐

Blueskiesandrainbows · 28/10/2025 07:40

Iwasneverafan · 28/10/2025 07:36

Jesus, some of the replies on this thread!
I swear these people just come here to give out their daily dose of contrary, anonymous evil as payback for their own shit life because it’s the only place they can be a total arseholes to someone feeling vulnerable and get away with it.

OP, please stop justifying yourself and your resolve about this girl to all the goady twats questioning why you’re upset now and have changed your mind about her. She’s obviously been a very clever manipulator and her time is up.

Your AIBU was about her inviting people into your home which you had specifically told her you didn’t want her to do. Stop getting drawn on all of the other shit people are throwing at you.
The trust has gone, that is it!
Get a new cleaner / dog sitter …. There are loads of them.
You are perfectly justified to trust your friend/ neighbour and call this girl out on her cf-ery behaviour in your home.

You and your family sound like lovely people who have been taken for granted and deserve so much better; as does your beautiful dog. 💐

Very well said, it was what I was just thinking … some very goady posters on this thread.

AliceMaforethought · 28/10/2025 07:41

MrsDoubtfire1 · 27/10/2025 09:20

'...leave her lots of treats including fresh flowers.'
Like who cares if you leave fresh flowers or not?! Also, this is the price you pay for having loads of “Accoutrements”, Do your own cleaning, look after your own pets and you won't have any gripes. Problem solved!

Don't be ridiculous. It's ok for the cleaner to be dishonest? Why should OP 'do her own cleaning' if she is busy?

AliceMaforethought · 28/10/2025 07:43

Some of these posts absolutely drip with class envy. It's pathetic. It's people who can't bear that some people can afford help and a nice life, and are desperate to stick the boot in.

Iwasneverafan · 28/10/2025 07:44

AliceMaforethought · 28/10/2025 07:41

Don't be ridiculous. It's ok for the cleaner to be dishonest? Why should OP 'do her own cleaning' if she is busy?

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……. This is exactly what I’m talking about.
This reply is no use to the thread at all other than to be a twat.
Do you feel better now ?
….. Off you fuck!

ETA… this is obvs in response to the witch you are calling out and not your comment @AliceMaforethought 🫶🏻

Muggletum · 28/10/2025 07:45

CautiousLurker2 · 28/10/2025 07:35

I think she was going to have a whizz around a few hours before you got home but you scuppered that by coming home early. Tbf, though, you wouldn’t have expected daily cleaning? The issue here, from what I can see, is less about the cleaning and more to do with the welfare of your pets - your dog was crying/sufficiently distressed that a neighbour contacted you; your dog was left alone for hours and was not walked; the cat’s litter tray was not attended to - and the fact that she appears (subject to reviewing the NDN’s footage) to have had multiple visitors against your express instructions violating your privacy and undermining your home security is also unacceptable. Even if the contract between you is informal/verbal, she is in breach. I’d not even pay her, frankly, as she’s not done was she was being paid to do, and moreover, she’s had free room and board for the duration (plus wine).

I’d change the locks and put up your own Ring doorbell and chalk this up to experience - very important to keep clear boundaries between you and people you employ. We have a cleaner who is lovely and efficient when she comes, but also a bit elastic with the truth. She will call and say that she cannot come because she or DSS is ill and then post about his special assembly on FB later that day!! I could care less, and if she just said she’d forgotten about DSS’s school thing I’d have been fine, but because I know she needs the money I used to bend over backwards to accommodate a make-up shift at the weekend when we are all home and it was a bit intrusive. I don’t do that now.

Edited

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Completely agree with this, she probably thought that the dog could have a nice long walk an hour or two before you got home, the cat litter could be fresh for you getting back and the house would be clean and tidy then. She didn't reckon on getting caught out early, and a neighbour who was aware of her inviting friends over and being out all day.

Can you look at the doorbell footage to see when /how often the dog was walked, too? If he's used to a half-hour walk morning and night (and she knows that) then your poor dog not being taken out for the walks at all, is a clear-cut reason to let her go.

Sorry it's making you lose sleep, and is so stressful. I'm look forward to hearing what is on the videos, and I'm glad you have a nice neighbour looking out for you.

Notsoother · 28/10/2025 07:52

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 28/10/2025 07:29

Not sure why people are siding with the cleaner. She’s lied, not done either of the jobs she’s paid for and broken your trust. I’d be angry and upset. I feel for you as it’s in your home. Your sanctuary.

No one is siding with the cleaner

but a number of us are 🤔 that the OP left her cleaner in sole charge of her home and dog when this person has repeatedly shown some very odd and sketchy behaviour in the past.

Added to which, it would seem after years of satisfactory cleaning suddenly this weekend she’s done sweet FA and the OP has noticed it