Cleaner invited friends over AIBU

[Nestingbirds]

We have an arrangement with our cleaner that she takes care of our animals when we are away for a few days. She usually stays in the annexe but this time stayed in our house due to refurbishment.

We had an agreement when this started that we would prefer she didn’t have visitors apart from her long term boyfriend. He is away atm. She was totally on board, and said she would feel the same if it was her house.

We pay her really really well, and leave her lots of treats including fresh flowers. She told me she likes the time she has to herself, and all is well.

Only our neighbour texted me to say there are people coming and going from our house and sent me her ring doorbell footage. Not only is she having friends over, she isn’t actually spending time with the animals or cleaning (we pay her separately for both) as the rest of the time she has been out. We never leave our dog all day. Whilst we obviously don’t mind her going out, and want her to be happy, I just feel taken for a ride as she is clearly not there doing either.

I have messaged her to see how she is, hoping she would be honest about her friend coming over and staying for hours in our house, but she has continued to lie to me.

I feel like I can’t trust her now. Wwyd?

Sneery and twatty comment. It was general impression OP gave re her home, if you read the thread.

Same

Perhaps it's just me, but I actually think it's weird and inappropriate that your neighbour is filming her without her knowledge. You obviously know that your neighbour's ring doorbell flims ingress and egress to your house, but does she know? I think you should inform anyone who stays in your house of this going forwards. I would like to know that I was being filmed and that that film would be sent to my employers.

I also actually think it's an unreasonable request to ask her to stay but not have friends over. It kind of implies you don't trust her friends (which you don't). However, you did ask her and she agreed, so she is in the wrong to lie about rhis.

(Out of interest, was it several friends, or one? At first you seem to imply several, then you say just one. There is some difference, I think. If it was just one, maybe that friend had an emergency and they needed to meet as an urgent matter. And she didn't want to leave your dog alone any longer to do this? But she should still have text you to check it was ok, if you stipulated clearly no visitors).

I also can't see how you know she hasn't spent time with your dog, or that she hasn't done any cleaning, unless you are filming her in the house too?

The stuff about her step children seems completely irrelevant. She does not owe you her life story because she is employed by you.

I agree you should stop employing her, because she has gone against your request to not have other people in your home. As stated I think it's an unreasonable request personally, but that's up to the person who chooses to work for you.

But I don't think some of the other accusations are valid so if I wouldn't repeat them to her if I were you. I would just stick to the visitor.

And I would expect her to be angry about the filming - I certainly would be. I would feel pretty violated actually, and would ask for assurance that footage would be destroyed.

And you need to be clear with people you employ in the future that they will be monitored by your neighbours, who will be sending you video footage of their comings and goings. It's out of order to do this without their consent, in my view. Workers have rights too.

It’s VERY easy!!! Very easy to hack into someone’s credit file and add your name onto there as an alternative name and take out credit cards loans etc in your name using someone else’s good credit and also their address but having things delivered to your address - VERY common scam

Sorry I think I have missed something - she spent your money? She has stolen cash or cards? In that case you should report her to the police. I think I have missed some crucial posts somewhere before I posted, really sorry.

(What is the unbelievable kindness you have shown her, out of interest? Again, I don't think it's very kind to film someone (or encourage others to do so) without their consent. This doesn't seem to matter to anyone else but I would absolutely hate this. But maybe that's because I have had it done to me by an abusive ex. Maybe most people don't mind it. )

Anyway, I shouldn't focus on that now, as she has stolen money from you so of course I do understand your distress, filming her aside. Really sorry this happened, and I hope you get it back.

Wow you’ve had an odd time on this thread OP. From the range of your neighbours camera to how much you pay and if you ought to have offered your clothes for charity elsewhere!

anyway you’ve done fine. It is was it is. I remember accidentally finding out our cleaner only stayed for 2.5 hours out of 4 any time we weren’t there ( I was looking for a parcel delivery on the camera and realised the car was gone early). Rotten feeling. Hope you get sorted.

great idea to do house sitting as a retirement wind down job!

She hasn’t stolen money. She has simply spent the money that OP paid her to house sit. Though it does seem as if one of the best wines is missing.

Not sure how the cleaner can invite people into the house and be seen leaving “several hours later”, and also still be out of the house all day? Is she Schrödinger’s house sitter, simultaneously in and out?

Perhaps a housekeeper would be better suited to your needs going forward.

Then why didn't your husband confront her? Did he say anything at all to her while you were gone with the dog?

Just to answer a few questions. She stayed more than one night, so her friend came over a few times, she was clearly shopping all day on another day etc. She used the dog sitting and cleaning time for this. My dog was left alone for a long time.

If she wanted to see friends, she could have just met them in the numerous coffee shops seconds from here. There was no need for anyone to come into the house. She didn’t have to agree to the job in the first place if she felt friends visiting inside our home was important to her.

We have always said help yourself to drinks, but she has drank at least one expensive wine we use for special occasions. You could argue she didn’t steal it, as we had offered but we meant coffees, tea etc as she well knows. I just see she has pushed so many boundaries now.

I can’t sleep for thinking about it.

On closer inspection last night I noticed there is dust everywhere. She seems to have just polished taps and put bleach down the loos. Most of the mirrors, sinks and surfaces haven’t been touched. She must think we are complete idiots not to notice.

I think I am just afraid to change her, and really resisting doing so as we have our routines, but she is taking us for fools.

I’m sorry that this has happened to you. I also hate confrontation. The last time we had to get rid of a cleaner, we lied and said that I was stopping work. Why is it the British are so rubbish at dealing with staff? I was terrible at managing some of my team at work.
We have had the best experience with our current cleaners - two of them come together and they are the best! I would trust them with anything. The only downside is that they are quite elderly and do cleaning to keep fit and to pay for their holidays. I don’t want them ever to retire.
And also with Trusted Housesitters - again a fantastic service with reliable people. The couple in our house just now are terrific and although they have had some problems with our appliances and broadband, they have dealt with it all leaving me to enjoy my holiday.
I hope that you get it sorted with your cleaner and you find the strength to get shot of her.

We have house sitters when we go away. I actively encourage my sitters to invite friends over, I know they live in a small flat and it's hard for them to socialize but I trust them completely to respect our home as I'm sure their friends do. They also go out as the both work but it's not long hours. We are often away for 3-4
Weeks and they absolutely love our dogs so I know they are really looked after . I would talk to her and get her explanation, her leaving for hours and hours may have been a one off. If you have never had reason to be concerned before maybe this was a one off event

Years of sketchy untrustworthy behaviour.

And the OP leaves her home and her dog in their sole care.

Just… weird

She didn’t have to agree to the job in the first place

Well given you say she was your only option!

Why would they be dirty if no one has been using them? And you were away for a long weekend….

And dust collects over a long weekend 😵‍💫

We were using them before we left. I am not sure what your question is?

Wr live in a very old period house, dust is and has always been an issue. She hadn’t dusted anywhere or cleaned any surface apart from the kitchen in the entire time she has been here.

We would have had to look for an alternative, or just booked holidays and taken our dog with us. She was under no obligation to offer.

We had a lovely religios lady that stayed with our dogs before, and she eventually got married and moved away. We had her for years without a single issue, and our current cleaner replaced her, she offered and understood the set up from the start.

So after years of her cleaning, you have only noticed now that she’s crap at cleaning?

So you did have options aside from the person who had repeatedly demonstrated very sketchy untrustworthy behaviour over years?

She is not usually ‘crap’ at cleaning. She just hasn’t done it this time.

Mesage/email

X,

A number of things have left us feeling disappointed about the arrangement we had with you this weekend. Firstly, the house has not been cleaned, the surfaces are dusty, secondly we know you had a visitor over repeatedly which I specifically asked not to happen and you agreed. Finally, we are aware that the dog was left for hours, much longer than we ever would have done. The photos that you shared were sent when you were not with him. We feel that this was done to deliberately mislead. The trust that we need to continue this working relationship has broken down as such, we no longer require your services.

Nesting Birds

I wouldn’t mention the bottle of wine or the camera footage. I wouldn’t really engage much further even if she denies. Just pay her for the weekend and move on with your life.

So years of good cleaning

and just this one weekend went completely off the rails?

We will explore our options now locally.

Singular events over a period of years did not raise alarm bells, no. We are all human and we accept no one is perfect. Outright dishonestly however is not okay.

How did your DD feel about leaving the house and dog in the sole care of someone that she’d witnessed doing some pretty sketchy things re pretending to be her mother for example?

You have given multiple examples of you and family members seeing in the past examples of outright dishonesty

I don’t agree. There has been no outright dishonesty like this before now.

I fail to see how your posts are helpful. She clearly hasn’t cleaned very well/at all. She has broken our trust by inviting people into our home without asking. She left the dog for long stretches unattended. Why wouldn’t I be upset?