Cleaner invited friends over AIBU

[Nestingbirds]

We have an arrangement with our cleaner that she takes care of our animals when we are away for a few days. She usually stays in the annexe but this time stayed in our house due to refurbishment.

We had an agreement when this started that we would prefer she didn’t have visitors apart from her long term boyfriend. He is away atm. She was totally on board, and said she would feel the same if it was her house.

We pay her really really well, and leave her lots of treats including fresh flowers. She told me she likes the time she has to herself, and all is well.

Only our neighbour texted me to say there are people coming and going from our house and sent me her ring doorbell footage. Not only is she having friends over, she isn’t actually spending time with the animals or cleaning (we pay her separately for both) as the rest of the time she has been out. We never leave our dog all day. Whilst we obviously don’t mind her going out, and want her to be happy, I just feel taken for a ride as she is clearly not there doing either.

I have messaged her to see how she is, hoping she would be honest about her friend coming over and staying for hours in our house, but she has continued to lie to me.

I feel like I can’t trust her now. Wwyd?

Just get rid. You can give her an excuse. But really, you don’t have to give her an explanation. You can just say your circumstances have changed for the moment, and you won’t be needing her, thanks for all her help 🫣. Then get an agency cleaner in temporarily at least till you find a new one. You sound lovely, but she abused your trust. PS you’re lucky you have good neighbours. I’m sure you’ll find another solution for your dog.

I will do that in the morning just for peace of mind, thank you. Dh is in the study checking our accounts now. Not sure this thread has helped his blood pressure 😑

So sorry - might have been better to couch that suggestion more sensitively, but I would make sure all future deliveries are returned with ‘not known at this address’.

I’d watch your neighbour’s footage though …. see what turns up.

Anyone who stays in or visits your house, even a cleaner a few hours a fortnight,I believe you have to really dig deep into your instincts to see whether you trust them. I have a cleaner now and though I really trust her, I don’t know that I would leave her on her own in my home, but I am a very private person so that might be part of the reason.

I’d then get a doorbell camera pronto! Maybe even an alarm system if you have nice things (sounds like it, when you mention the wine)

Gosh, do you two live in some select streets in Mayfair? £25 to 30ph, that's immense. £20 round here.

I don’t mean to alarm you but I’d change the locks, you don’t know that she hasn’t had a copy made!!

Check in the recycling bin to see if the good wine bottle is in there. Although, could have been taken and not drunk at the time.

Trust has been breached, wouldn't have her back. What a shame. It's so hard to trust people in our homes.

We have been using Trusted Housesitters for years now. We don’t pay them and they don’t pay us. It’s a brilliant solution.
We are away right now and the couple at our house are on their third sit with us. Our other favoured sitter has been half a dozen times now. Our dog gets to stay in our home and our cats have fresh laps to enjoy.

I would tell her she owes you £xx back for the time not spent cleaning or dog sitting and to pay for the wine that she has stolen.

My niece and her BF are doing this in Australia at the moment, travelling all the places they wanted to and dog or cat sitting in each place. They love it and it’s saved them a fortune on hostels.

It’s a depressing fact, and I’m sure many will shoot me down for this and argue I’m wrong - but ppl are generally shit. Most ppl, not all, but most, look after themselves and usually their immediate family first and if things coincide with that it’s all good, but never ever assume everyone, or anyone, has the same moral standards as you and would think and act like you.

We would all prefer to think of ppl we like and trust as worthy of that trust, but you can never know what goes on in their mind or what they do when they think no one is watching them. As this person has proven. Thank god for your neighbour’s surveillance!

I'd be livid if someone left my dog in all day and didn't walk them. I don't understand why you haven't confronted her. It would clearly show on the footage if she's been walking the dog or not.
£25 an hr for a cleaner is extortionate. Also I would find a boarding place for your dog (not kennels) or a trusted sitter with reviews

I would ask for your keys back next time you are with her, make up an excuse, as if she gets suspicious you've found out about her activities she could take copies for god's knowledge what.

Depends how long before you go home and if anyone could step in

Also if shes usually good id hear her side, the friend being there doesnt mean they werent caring for the animals together.

If i had a relatve or friend i could rely on, id send her home. But either way id wait to speak to her once i was home

Taking your clothing donations and wine is stealing, she could have asked you, and wearing them around without saying anything is really weird. Pretending to be you with contractors is also weird. (And again in front of you!) You sound incredibly nice but please don't keep overlooking these red flags.

‘Busy spending our money’

we’ve been so kind to her giving her our old stuff

’cultural differences’
omg
your attitude is awful 😞

I would get my locks changed if I were you.

I would also assume every drawer/room has been snooped through.

Of course you aren’t being at all unreasonable OP.

When I had to fire my cleaner after she had visitors, I just made an excuse. I didn’t want to get her back up by calling her out on the visitors. I just wanted rid of her. You’re not her mum or her teacher! Just as I’ve had a cleaner who stopped working for me. I believed her reason but she could easily have told me a white lie because she had a better job.

We pay our cleaner £50 for 3 hours in London zone 3 but plenty charge more than this.

On the wine front, I’ve had a friend coming to babysit in the past who helped herself to our wine - I would happily have offered her some but it was the fact that she opened a bottle without asking that riled me (she arrived before I got home with the DC as I’d given her a key). Some people just feel entitled!

What a strange post

You could just tell her you won't be needing a cleaner for a while, change the locks and put it in the past, looking at video footage isn't going to make you feel better,

A kennel would be an option. She's a CF.

There are plenty of registered dog sitters. Not difficult to find one. She has betrayed your trust. She is a liar and the animals h5ave suffered. Lwt her go.

You don’t need to have an alarm system fitted to protect a wine rack.

so she has been busy spending our money

Her money

I can't believe you didn't say anything