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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Ultrasound childcare

213 replies

Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 14:51

Mondays my mom usually looks after my eldest son at my house while I'm working from home, they are both retired but we only ask them for help on one day a week.

She told me that they couldn't do one particular Monday because they had decorators come in for the entire week and both my mom and dad need to be there to move furniture around. I thought it was odd but I said that's fine I'll just work around it however I've now been referred for a growth scan for my second child and they have asked me to come on the first day of my parents decorating.

This was the first appointment available I was able to attend and without thinking I booked it, the lady on the phone was extremely rude to me about it being so far in the future but the other times were just unachievable with our other child.

I asked my parents while I knew they had decorators if just my mom could spare a couple of hours on that day to look after my eldest and they said no because they both need to be there to move furniture around for the decorator I said wouldn't your furniture have been moved the day before, still they declined and creating a drama out of the decorators coming, my last message to them was that my husband would have to miss the scan because we have no other childcare and I'll have to go my own and my own mother has completely ignored it.

I'm so upset about the lack of support here, we don't ask a lot of them compared to a lot of people I know, this is obviously an ad-hoc request but it is on a day they would normally have him anyway if it weren't for the decorators.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 21/10/2025 14:54

Your mum told you way in advance she couldn’t do that day. She’s given you plenty of notice.

sorry

takealettermsjones · 21/10/2025 14:56

How old's your child? There surely must be some solution here - swap his nursery days, ask a local childminder, one of your friends?

Jellybunny56 · 21/10/2025 14:58

YABU. She told you well in advance she was not available, it is very common to attend a growth scan alone so dad can look after the other child.

Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 14:59

Octavia64 · 21/10/2025 14:54

Your mum told you way in advance she couldn’t do that day. She’s given you plenty of notice.

sorry

I'm aware of this, the growth scan was completely unexpected and I'm only a few weeks away from my due date unfortunately so have very little time to get it in

OP posts:
Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 14:59

takealettermsjones · 21/10/2025 14:56

How old's your child? There surely must be some solution here - swap his nursery days, ask a local childminder, one of your friends?

He's 3, we've tried the nursery unfortunately they have no availability for the date/time of the scan and we have noone else in "our village"

OP posts:
Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 15:01

Jellybunny56 · 21/10/2025 14:58

YABU. She told you well in advance she was not available, it is very common to attend a growth scan alone so dad can look after the other child.

I get this but we had such a traumatic experience in previous pregnancies in terrified to go alone and my husband doesn't ideally want to miss it either..

OP posts:
Doublechins · 21/10/2025 15:02

My DH never attended any of my growth scans because he was at work. Could you ask your mother to attend the scan with you if your DH is having to stay with your child

Coulddowithanap · 21/10/2025 15:02

Can you take him with you?

BoldBlueZebra · 21/10/2025 15:02

What’s your plan for the birth?

Overthebow · 21/10/2025 15:02

You knew she’s unavailable that week to help. You don’t need your DH at the growth scan, it’s perfectly fine to go by yourself and different to the 12 week scan. I had a few in my pregnancies and it didn’t even cross my mind to bring DH.

noidea69 · 21/10/2025 15:02

Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 14:59

I'm aware of this, the growth scan was completely unexpected and I'm only a few weeks away from my due date unfortunately so have very little time to get it in

Does you're mum know you are having a scan, thats why you want her help?

If she does & she is still prioritising helping the decorator, then thats a pisstake.

What about your in laws?

Jellybunny56 · 21/10/2025 15:02

Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 15:01

I get this but we had such a traumatic experience in previous pregnancies in terrified to go alone and my husband doesn't ideally want to miss it either..

Then you will have to find paid childcare last minute OP.

Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 15:03

Doublechins · 21/10/2025 15:02

My DH never attended any of my growth scans because he was at work. Could you ask your mother to attend the scan with you if your DH is having to stay with your child

My parents said they both need to be there for the decorator to move furniture around which I can't really work out why that would be required

OP posts:
Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 15:04

Coulddowithanap · 21/10/2025 15:02

Can you take him with you?

My trust don't allow children into the scans unfortunately

OP posts:
noidea69 · 21/10/2025 15:04

Overthebow · 21/10/2025 15:02

You knew she’s unavailable that week to help. You don’t need your DH at the growth scan, it’s perfectly fine to go by yourself and different to the 12 week scan. I had a few in my pregnancies and it didn’t even cross my mind to bring DH.

personally any bloke who doesnt want to attend a scan with his wife i would think less of really. Sure he doesnt need to be there for the scan to take place (same way he doesnt need to be there at birth) but he's there to support (imagine if bad news?)

Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 15:05

Overthebow · 21/10/2025 15:02

You knew she’s unavailable that week to help. You don’t need your DH at the growth scan, it’s perfectly fine to go by yourself and different to the 12 week scan. I had a few in my pregnancies and it didn’t even cross my mind to bring DH.

I completely forgot when I was booking it on the phone, obviously I'm already panicking about the growth scan anyway and it was the first appointment they could give me, my due date is very close so need it before that

OP posts:
mixedcereal · 21/10/2025 15:05

Can you drop your child off at your mums so she can be at her own house?

not unreasonable to feel disappointed but a bit of an “it is what it is” moment. Yes you’d like your husband there, but you have another child that can’t go int he scan and no childcare - so you deal with it

NotEnoughKnittingTime · 21/10/2025 15:06

Your DH will have to miss the scan. We had the same problem so he missed most of the scans etc. If you need support you could ask one of the hospital staff.

Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 15:06

noidea69 · 21/10/2025 15:02

Does you're mum know you are having a scan, thats why you want her help?

If she does & she is still prioritising helping the decorator, then thats a pisstake.

What about your in laws?

Yeah she does, my husbands parents both died when he was quite young so we only have my parents in "our village", we have paid childcare but they have no availability on this day

OP posts:
NotEnoughKnittingTime · 21/10/2025 15:07

noidea69 · 21/10/2025 15:04

personally any bloke who doesnt want to attend a scan with his wife i would think less of really. Sure he doesnt need to be there for the scan to take place (same way he doesnt need to be there at birth) but he's there to support (imagine if bad news?)

Well my husband wanted to but no childcare so no choice. She isn't allowed to bring her child to scans I presume so I don't see much choice in the matter.

Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 15:07

mixedcereal · 21/10/2025 15:05

Can you drop your child off at your mums so she can be at her own house?

not unreasonable to feel disappointed but a bit of an “it is what it is” moment. Yes you’d like your husband there, but you have another child that can’t go int he scan and no childcare - so you deal with it

We did offer this but they said no, they live in a bungalow so everything out of the rooms being decorated would be in such a small space already, it would be quite difficult for them

OP posts:
blossombubblesbuttercup · 21/10/2025 15:08

I get it, I had a lot of growth scans with my second but luckily my first is in school. I think you’ll just have to accept it, they’re obviously not going to change their minds. Take your husband and child with you but just leave them in the waiting room. At least then your husband is there for you immediately after you come out.

BritishDesiGirl · 21/10/2025 15:08

Go alone, OP. I went to every scan and every appointment for each of my previous 2 pregnancies and now the same for the third one.

Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 15:09

Jellybunny56 · 21/10/2025 15:02

Then you will have to find paid childcare last minute OP.

We've tried our nursery and no availability, I don't feel comfortable at all leaving him with a complete stranger we've never used before 😭

OP posts:
Breli · 21/10/2025 15:09

Can your husband wait in the car with your child, then if there is any bad news he can be with you immediately.

It’s probably a good time to sort out some alternative childcare options now before the baby is born. There are a few apps you can use, ask others for recommendations.

We don’t have either grandparents living close for childcare, but we make it work.

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