Ultrasound childcare

[Momofboys97]

Mondays my mom usually looks after my eldest son at my house while I'm working from home, they are both retired but we only ask them for help on one day a week.

She told me that they couldn't do one particular Monday because they had decorators come in for the entire week and both my mom and dad need to be there to move furniture around. I thought it was odd but I said that's fine I'll just work around it however I've now been referred for a growth scan for my second child and they have asked me to come on the first day of my parents decorating.

This was the first appointment available I was able to attend and without thinking I booked it, the lady on the phone was extremely rude to me about it being so far in the future but the other times were just unachievable with our other child.

I asked my parents while I knew they had decorators if just my mom could spare a couple of hours on that day to look after my eldest and they said no because they both need to be there to move furniture around for the decorator I said wouldn't your furniture have been moved the day before, still they declined and creating a drama out of the decorators coming, my last message to them was that my husband would have to miss the scan because we have no other childcare and I'll have to go my own and my own mother has completely ignored it.

I'm so upset about the lack of support here, we don't ask a lot of them compared to a lot of people I know, this is obviously an ad-hoc request but it is on a day they would normally have him anyway if it weren't for the decorators.

AIBU?

Of course it’s stressful and it’s a rubbish situation for you.

but you really understate what your mum does for you - nursery isn’t cheap and you get a days free childcare a week! That’s a lot. She’s told you she can’t do that week, you’ve belittled her reasoning and then started to kick off, when she’s already told you why she can’t do it.

you can either go alone, ask a friend to come with you while DH stays with your son, or ask a friend to stay with your son so DH can go with you.

OP, in the kindest way possibly, I absolutely promise you most of us have been in a situation like this. It's just life with multiple kids. You just manage as best you can, and make the compromises you need to.
I appreciate that you are upset but you need to channel that energy into a solution, not burning bridges.

People are just being realistic. I have 100% been in this situation, in fact I had a c section alone as it was an emergency and we couldn’t get childcare quickly. It wasn’t the best but it is life and you have to deal with what it throws at you

Honestly, I don’t understand this need for men to attend every scan or appointment. Especially when you already have a child. Your child should be your priority and that means your DH looking after them and you going alone. I really do think less of somebody asking all around the houses for childcare for a medical appointment that you are perfectly able to attend alone.

Op it’s fine to be miffed that they are being so inflexible. I’m guessing the decorating is anxiety inducing for them, they have a plan and feel they need to stick to it when in reality of course they don’t need to both be there.
Also one day a week child care is fantastic and it’s wonderful they want to do that for you but your by no means taking the piss with one day a week. It’s great but they are are not being put upon.
i think unfortunately this is one of those times you have to suck it up it’s unfair but there’s nothing you can do. Your dh could drop you off and collect you. At least you had a scan two weeks ago and all was well. I don’t know if you have had other extra scans but I found they were more abrupt than the 12 and 18 weeks.

But it’s not unfair is it? Her parents (presumably older) have agreed they’ll both be at home to move furniture around and OP was given advance notice.

You're giving mixed messages.

On one hand you said the scan was urgent due to timing, the staff were annoyed you couldn't come in earlier, and the situation surrounding needing the scan is causing lots of stress.

But on the other hand you were happy to delay it for personal reasons.

So.. is the scan urgent or routine e.g. just because your last child was low weight?

I think your anger is misplaced.

As an aside having two kids there will be hundreds of issues like this. One child needing hosptial or appointments, or being sick etc. You are exceptionally lucky to have local parents who do so much for you - something to be really grateful for.

Op is not that people are being unsympathetic, it’s more a case of being realistic.
Also you seem to be prioritising your plans but minimising your DM’s plans.
You must see that that isn’t fair and it is up to you, not your DM, to come up with a solution.
With regards to the text you sent your DM that you’ve not had a response to, what response would you have wanted?

I think given your mum and dad have existing plans, then if anyone needs to cancel something, its you and dh

I get wanting dh there. I also get asking mum and dad to have lo whilst you attend, but for whatever reason they have said no, and their reasons are important to them since it sounds like they are normally very supportive and involved in childcare.

Therefore you and dh need to decide which is most important, your weekend away or him being at the scan.

You are exceptionally lucky to have local parents who do so much for you - something to be really grateful for.

This is how it used to be. Family stuck together, lived close and were on-hand (as much as they could be) to help out. Communities used to be tight-knit. Now they're scattered.

My in-laws are 8 miles up the road. They can always swing by, and often do.

It's quite eye-opening for me to learn this seems to be a rarity now.

Just read the whole thread, the constant digs at the your poor parents is unnecessary. You keep saying you want DH there but you won't use a babysitter so you can't have him there.

Ask one of your friends- I’m sure they would look after your DS for a few hours.

Things can be unfair and no one’s fault

But it isn’t unfair because she has other childcare. She just refuses to use it.

I think despite what you clearly think. One day a week childcare every week is actually quite a lot of support. She told you ages in advance that she couldn't do one particular date and you forgot and booked in and now you're annoyed with her which seems really unfair to me. Her reasons are valid to her. Your husband will just have to miss this one scan,

Any tradespeople I’ve had in recently have been very particular about needing furniture moved from one spot to another - it’s not their job to do it. I would imagine it would take two people to move pretty much anything and if they’re short on space they’ll need to move things through the day. Just go to the scan on your own, you’ll be fine.

Sorry if I’ve missed it but could they mind him at theirs, like is there anywhere he could sit and watch something on a tablet while they do whatever needs to happen for the decorators?

And if paid childcare is an option on other dates it’s worth trying to move the appointment. Or ask around for other babysitters etc, can a nursery friend recommend anyone?

I don’t think your parents are being unreasonable here to be honest, they have a commitment and are probably stressed out about the day themselves and think you should be able to make alternative arrangements.

Hardly. Growth scans are done when there are concerns that the baby isn't growing properly so there can often be bad news at these scans so OP would like to her her DH there for support if the news isn't good.

Yes, and delaying one could make all the difference. Though I’m not sure how long the OP is putting the appt off to prioritise both her dh being there and a weekend away over her unborn child. But everyone has different priorities and can make their own choices.

This.
The child will do fine with a babysitter.

Yanbu your parents are batshit.

They don't both need to be there the whole time, and why the fuck aren't they worried about you needing a growth scan? Why wouldn't they help?

The decorator will not move furniture. If space is small they may have to move things back and forth. Is OP OK with her dad shifting heavy cupboards. Large TVs books ornaments etc on his own.

So its ok for op and her husband to prioritise a weekend away to delay the scan but the parents cannot prioritise their existing decorating plans?

For whatever reason, they dont want their grandchild there whilst decorators are there. Their decision

If having dh at the scan is so important then op and dh need to take the weekend appointment and cancel their trip

OP can’t be that concerned about it as she doesn’t want to cancel her weekend away so is delaying the scan to a date where the hospital are annoyed that it’s left so long. It’s not an emergency in OPs view.

If they were unwilling to help you why help them now?