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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ultrasound childcare

213 replies

Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 14:51

Mondays my mom usually looks after my eldest son at my house while I'm working from home, they are both retired but we only ask them for help on one day a week.

She told me that they couldn't do one particular Monday because they had decorators come in for the entire week and both my mom and dad need to be there to move furniture around. I thought it was odd but I said that's fine I'll just work around it however I've now been referred for a growth scan for my second child and they have asked me to come on the first day of my parents decorating.

This was the first appointment available I was able to attend and without thinking I booked it, the lady on the phone was extremely rude to me about it being so far in the future but the other times were just unachievable with our other child.

I asked my parents while I knew they had decorators if just my mom could spare a couple of hours on that day to look after my eldest and they said no because they both need to be there to move furniture around for the decorator I said wouldn't your furniture have been moved the day before, still they declined and creating a drama out of the decorators coming, my last message to them was that my husband would have to miss the scan because we have no other childcare and I'll have to go my own and my own mother has completely ignored it.

I'm so upset about the lack of support here, we don't ask a lot of them compared to a lot of people I know, this is obviously an ad-hoc request but it is on a day they would normally have him anyway if it weren't for the decorators.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MostlyHappyMummy · 21/10/2025 15:23

Who was going to mind your child if you didn't have the scan booked and you were at work? Or are you on maternity leave?

ResusciAnnie · 21/10/2025 15:23

I’m sorry OP, it sucks to feel that way. Surely one of the main benefits of having a healthy parent-child relationship is that you can rely on each other, support each other, and help each other out. This situation is perhaps a sign that the relationship is not so healthy, and so that’s a double dose of disappointment. I’ve been there op, sympathies!

Original poster
Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 15:26

supersonicginandtonic · 21/10/2025 15:10

Your husband doesn't need to be there at all. I had weekly growth scans with one of mine so it would have been impossible for him to come to them all. He came to the 12 and 20 week but rhat was it.
My last baby was in covid so there really was no option. Put your big girl pants on and go on your own.

It isn't COVID now and his work are flexible. He wants to attend scans to support me and see his baby, I don't think that is unreasonable.

How extremely rude your last sentence is, you can have an opinion without being rude with it.

OP posts:
ACR7 · 21/10/2025 15:27

I know most are saying yabu but I can’t imagine my mam and dad not helping in this scenario. Grandparents obviously don’t have to help but I like think when mine is grown up if I can help her I would. As you’ve mentioned you’ve had trauma in pregnancy before so I can only imagine how anxious the scan might be for you. Hopefully you get it sorted.

Original poster
Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 15:28

CatsorDogsrule · 21/10/2025 15:23

One day a week childcare is a huge commitment from them. I'm very surprised you feel you don't ask much of them and seem dismissive of their time.

YABU. It's a shame they can't help out, but they aren't unreasonable to prioritise their needs, however irrational you find it. They gave fair warning and ultimately it was your mistake.

I hope all goes well with the scan and baby.

Maybe it is in fairness, just in comparison to all of my close friends they have parental help 3/4 times a week .

OP posts:
Londonrach1 · 21/10/2025 15:29

Yabu. Your mum said she couldn't do it. Solution would be dh stays with your first or any of your mum friends able to do it

dizzydizzydizzy · 21/10/2025 15:30

Sorry OP, but I think YABU, even though it is unfortunate. Has your DS got any friends who he might be able to do a play date with?

CatsorDogsrule · 21/10/2025 15:31

ACR7 · 21/10/2025 15:23

It didn’t cross your mind to bring your husband to your 12 week scan? I find that bizarre. Fair enough if he genuinely can’t make it but surely the ideal is to go together? Plus I know a few people who got bad news at that scan so would be awful to be alone if avoidable.

Edited
Show quote history

You should try re-reading the post. They did not say what you think they did.

ACR7 · 21/10/2025 15:33

CatsorDogsrule · 21/10/2025 15:31

You should try re-reading the post. They did not say what you think they did.

Show quote history

Fair enough they didn’t say 12 week scan but I still wanted my husband to come to them all if possible so I still find it odd. Maybe I was just more anxious than most. I was certain I was going to get bad news.

Londonrach1 · 21/10/2025 15:35

Please don't bring your first to the appointment.. They not even allowed in the hospital waiting room in the hospital I had dd. although your dh could sit in the hospital cafe. Dh stays at home with his first child so easy solution.

WilliamBell · 21/10/2025 15:38

CatsorDogsrule · 21/10/2025 15:23

One day a week childcare is a huge commitment from them. I'm very surprised you feel you don't ask much of them and seem dismissive of their time.

YABU. It's a shame they can't help out, but they aren't unreasonable to prioritise their needs, however irrational you find it. They gave fair warning and ultimately it was your mistake.

I hope all goes well with the scan and baby.

This. They do a lot for you. It's a shame they can't be available to help out on this occasion, but I'd focus on being grateful for the help you do have.

I and many others on here could only dream of having grandparent childcare for a day a week, so honestly try and see the positive of that rather than the negative of it not working out for the scan date.

I also don't understand this bit:

the lady on the phone was extremely rude to me about it being so far in the future but the other times were just unachievable with our other child.

If your child is in childcare every other day why weren't any other days viable?

Station19 · 21/10/2025 15:39

You sound very entitled OP.

Your parents are welcome to say no to doing childcare whenever they want for whatever reason they want.

You think it’s “odd” your Mum wants to be around for the decorators being in. Maybe she thinks it’s “odd” that your DH wouldn’t just look after your child and you attend the scan alone.

I have four children but no parents able to do any childcare for me.

I had weekly scans in my last pregnancy as it was high risk. DH has a flexible job and could have come with me but I told him not to bother.

You do just need to get on with it I am afraid. The most important thing is you having the scan as soon as possible. Just do that.

NotEnoughKnittingTime · 21/10/2025 15:39

Only one day of grandparents babysitting? I would love that. 🙂

nellly · 21/10/2025 15:40

You think you ask very little of them but they have your child a whole day a week! You know most people don’t have anywhere near that amount of free childcare right ?!

you’re being unfair, they’ve got one week blocked out and you’re still hassling them to change their plans

Original poster
Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 15:43

WilliamBell · 21/10/2025 15:38

This. They do a lot for you. It's a shame they can't be available to help out on this occasion, but I'd focus on being grateful for the help you do have.

I and many others on here could only dream of having grandparent childcare for a day a week, so honestly try and see the positive of that rather than the negative of it not working out for the scan date.

I also don't understand this bit:

the lady on the phone was extremely rude to me about it being so far in the future but the other times were just unachievable with our other child.

If your child is in childcare every other day why weren't any other days viable?

Show quote history

Yeah that's fair enough you have a good point.

We booked a special weekend away for him as a last thing we're all doing together before everything changes for him.

We wouldn't be able to take him another time and we would lose all the money too, obviously the money isn't important just wanted him to have something special.

This was the only other appointment they offered me.

OP posts:
gallivantsaregood · 21/10/2025 15:44

Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 15:03

My parents said they both need to be there for the decorator to move furniture around which I can't really work out why that would be required

Show quote history

What about your mum comes with you. DH and wee one go to mum's and help dad move the furniture? Would that work even for a short time?

Alternatively your hubby and wee one go with you, but wait in the waiting room. Not ideal but probably the best option you have at the minute

Irritatedandsad · 21/10/2025 15:44

Just go on your own. It doesnt need two of you to go to a scan.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/10/2025 15:46

Could you not ask a friend to go with you to the scan for support?

I was going to say go alone until I read about the previous experiences but I do get why you want someone there.

Sounds like your husband is most useful looking after his own child though.

Your parents gave lots of notice that they can’t make that particular date. I think they’re entitled to do that without getting push back and “just an hour or so” etc, especially when your husband could be looking after his child.

Original poster
Momofboys97 · 21/10/2025 15:46

Station19 · 21/10/2025 15:39

You sound very entitled OP.

Your parents are welcome to say no to doing childcare whenever they want for whatever reason they want.

You think it’s “odd” your Mum wants to be around for the decorators being in. Maybe she thinks it’s “odd” that your DH wouldn’t just look after your child and you attend the scan alone.

I have four children but no parents able to do any childcare for me.

I had weekly scans in my last pregnancy as it was high risk. DH has a flexible job and could have come with me but I told him not to bother.

You do just need to get on with it I am afraid. The most important thing is you having the scan as soon as possible. Just do that.

That's your choice to ask him not to bother though?

Husband wants to be there and I would like him there, I have no issue with them being unavailable I always work around it as I regularly do, it's just quite upsetting to have a decorator prioritised over something as important as this, if you can't understand that you have a severe lack of empathy.

OP posts:
PirateDays · 21/10/2025 15:49

NotEnoughKnittingTime · 21/10/2025 15:13

And if you don't have any childcare for your child? Bring them along?

Show quote history

No, but some commenters here are acting like OP is being ridiculous for wanting her husband there. With her history, I can 100% understand why she feels very anxious about attending alone.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/10/2025 15:49

All that said, I had a traumatic experience finding out my dd had a serious heart problem in my first pregnancy. She’s fine now (17) but it was awful at the time.

My then husband wasn’t able to come to all of the scans with DS as we were both self employed in busy jobs at the time: it was just one of those things (dd was at school by this time so not childcare reasons, but we don’t live near family anyway).

It’s hard but it is possible.

NotEnoughKnittingTime · 21/10/2025 15:50

PirateDays · 21/10/2025 15:49

No, but some commenters here are acting like OP is being ridiculous for wanting her husband there. With her history, I can 100% understand why she feels very anxious about attending alone.

Show quote history

I totally understand OP having had miscarriages and birth trauma myself but I don't see what other choice she has if her parents won't babysit? I totally get it though.

Digdongdoo · 21/10/2025 15:51

They've got plans, they gave you plenty of warning. Find a babysitter or leave DS with DH. It's just one of those things, sometimes it can't be helped. Tis the beginning of the juggle with 2DC.

PirateDays · 21/10/2025 15:51

ACR7 · 21/10/2025 15:27

I know most are saying yabu but I can’t imagine my mam and dad not helping in this scenario. Grandparents obviously don’t have to help but I like think when mine is grown up if I can help her I would. As you’ve mentioned you’ve had trauma in pregnancy before so I can only imagine how anxious the scan might be for you. Hopefully you get it sorted.

I agree, and OP's parents are not both going to be constantly moving furniture all day surely - even if they just set the 3 year old up with some snacks and the TV for a couple of hours they would be helping OP out massively. Under the circumstances, I think they are being really unreasonable and adding stress to an already stressful situation for OP.

gamerchick · 21/10/2025 15:53

Ah dude, it sounds as if you're taking them for granted.

Maybe they don't want to do one day a week anymore. You probably should sort something else out