Ultrasound childcare

[Momofboys97]

Mondays my mom usually looks after my eldest son at my house while I'm working from home, they are both retired but we only ask them for help on one day a week.

She told me that they couldn't do one particular Monday because they had decorators come in for the entire week and both my mom and dad need to be there to move furniture around. I thought it was odd but I said that's fine I'll just work around it however I've now been referred for a growth scan for my second child and they have asked me to come on the first day of my parents decorating.

This was the first appointment available I was able to attend and without thinking I booked it, the lady on the phone was extremely rude to me about it being so far in the future but the other times were just unachievable with our other child.

I asked my parents while I knew they had decorators if just my mom could spare a couple of hours on that day to look after my eldest and they said no because they both need to be there to move furniture around for the decorator I said wouldn't your furniture have been moved the day before, still they declined and creating a drama out of the decorators coming, my last message to them was that my husband would have to miss the scan because we have no other childcare and I'll have to go my own and my own mother has completely ignored it.

I'm so upset about the lack of support here, we don't ask a lot of them compared to a lot of people I know, this is obviously an ad-hoc request but it is on a day they would normally have him anyway if it weren't for the decorators.

AIBU?

That's a bit rotten and I feel for you, but I think it sounds like your parents do an awful lot already.
If you explain to the trust you may be able to get a cancellation on a different (sooner) date ?

If you were inflexible with dates just because you want a 'special' weekend away, why does your Mum then have to bend her plans?
No, you're not unreasonable to want your husband there, yes you are absolutely unreasonable to be pushing your Mum on this, trying the emotional blackmail, and not respecting how she gave you plenty of notice and you went ahead anyway.
As PP suggested, try a professional agency. If you want your husband there, it's a perfectly good option.

Well something's got to give and it's up to you to sort it.
Take your parents out of the equation - they've said no can do.

Your options are - you go alone and your husband minds DS, you ask one of his nursery friends for a play date, or you pay an agency nanny, or you cancel the appointment. Which is your choice? Going round and round in circles is helping nobody.

This is what we did at one of our many scans when our childcare fell through due to a last minute emergency. Not ideal but once the doctor had seen that all was ok she called in DH and DS so that DH could have a Quick look (our trust also don’t allow DC in scans but think the consultant was in a good mood that day).

It was booked months ago, it's this weekend, baby is due in a couple of weeks so unfortunately we can't move it.

I didn't purposely book a scan for them to move their plans, it was completely out of the blue I needed one and completely forgot about their decorating, that is my fault. I understand this.

I just can't understand why they need to be available for 8 hours to move furniture when someone is decorating already.

What an extremely rude thing to say, of course you're entitled to your opinion but saying having another child is a mistake is absolutely crossing the line.

If you won't reschedule your plans, why do you expect your parents to?
Stop sulking and make other arrangements.

God what a rude comment.

OP, some people are being really horrible on here, try and ignore.

I feel for you and I have a daughter, and if she ever comes to me needing this kind of favour for this kind of reason I would 100% help her. I'm sorry your parents won't help you for this.

Agree. My parents went from heavily involved in first grandchild ( my siblings child), a little help with my first, to now with 4 grandchildren its pretty much emergency care only and only then if they havent got anything on like lunch with friends, golf, watering the plants, cutting the dogs toenails 😂
I think they just feel like they are getting older and entitled to their own life and time,
they helped out with the first grandchildren a little and now its over to us to deal with the lives we have created for ourselves and the children we produced.

You are prioritising a weekend away over your scan, your parents are prioritising their decorator who’s already booked in. You say the weekend away it’s important to you, but their commitment is important to them, enough that they gave you notice in advance. Can’t you see it’s the same thing? Quite honestly if you’ve been asked to go to a growth scan I would be prioritising that rather than a weekend away and getting the scan asap, as growth problems could indicate an issue. It’s your choice if you don’t want to but you can’t really then complain that your parents are prioritising something else too.

Sorry OP but that is life with a 2nd child. I'm in hospital with one of our dc at the moment. I would have loved to have had dh with me but we have other dc at home so it isn't possible. Hospital is an hour away from where we live so i can't even ask a friend to sit with him while i escape the hospital for an hour. We were supposed to be going home yesterday evening so i am running out of snacks, underwear and tampons. If we don't go home tonight i will have to make a dash to the shop downstairs but I really don't like leaving him in case he starts vomiting again.

It isn't a week, just one weekend for my eldest before his life completely changes.

I already had a scan a not even two weeks and everything was fine

Your dh drives you to the hospital with your older dc and stays in the public area, if there is an issue I’m sure the hospital will allow him to come to you

So sorry this is happening to you, hope you can get out soon!

It doesn't matter if you don't understand their decision. They told you they were busy, at which point when you realised your mistake, you should have rebooked.
For whatever reason - decorators, or anything else they maybe can't move/won't tell you about - it isn't fair to behave how you are, especially when they already provide free childcare every week.

Thank you 🫶, I feel the same way

I'm not sure if you've read this properly but this was the only available one before it's too late for
the due date, there's not a lot I can do about that.

I'm not sure what you think I'm doing, I've not hassled them about it anyway other than our initial conversation about it, I'm allowed to be upset about the situation.

@Momofboys97

i think your friends are very fortunate, most people get very little help, occasional babysitting maybe but certainly not weekly. Envy of what others have is always a mistake because your don’t know what strings are attached or favours being banked!

This is very true! It's hard not to dwell on it sometimes though isn't it.

Yabu you knew she wasn’t available, you’ll have to go without your husband unfortunately if you cannot find a babysitter.
Also just to point out that you said in your OP that you don’t ask a lot of them but you said they have your child every Monday? That’s quite a lot in my book!

Yes but you said you’re worried about the scan so need your DH there. Either you’re too worried to go alone, in which case you should be prioritising that over a weekend away, or you’re not worried about the scan as you’ve had one recently and therefore fine to go alone. I would prioritize the scan if it were me, things can change in a day and there may be an issue or you wouldn’t have been told to have a scan.

I'm not specifically worried about this scan more than any other, it's just not comfortable for me to go alone and my husband wants to be there.

I don't think it's for anyone else to tell me I'm fine to go alone.

Unfortunately I agree that with a second child you need to sometimes manage without your partner.
Surely the grown scan should have been prioritised over the weekend away (and could you not have asked for a time early in the day so you could still get away after?). The receptionist may have come across as rude as maybe they were told to get you in soon, but you then wanted to delay it.

As others suggest, ask DH to wait in the car and if it's bad news you can ask a staff member to fetch him. Please check before taking your child into the hospital as some hospitals have rules regarding bringing children to appointments for very good reasons and even having them in the waiting room could cause distress to other patients.

What's your plan for when you have the baby? What if your parents aren't available then either?
I feel like you have expected to have parents on hand but not really thought things through in terms of who will look after your eldest.