Ultrasound childcare

[Momofboys97]

Mondays my mom usually looks after my eldest son at my house while I'm working from home, they are both retired but we only ask them for help on one day a week.

She told me that they couldn't do one particular Monday because they had decorators come in for the entire week and both my mom and dad need to be there to move furniture around. I thought it was odd but I said that's fine I'll just work around it however I've now been referred for a growth scan for my second child and they have asked me to come on the first day of my parents decorating.

This was the first appointment available I was able to attend and without thinking I booked it, the lady on the phone was extremely rude to me about it being so far in the future but the other times were just unachievable with our other child.

I asked my parents while I knew they had decorators if just my mom could spare a couple of hours on that day to look after my eldest and they said no because they both need to be there to move furniture around for the decorator I said wouldn't your furniture have been moved the day before, still they declined and creating a drama out of the decorators coming, my last message to them was that my husband would have to miss the scan because we have no other childcare and I'll have to go my own and my own mother has completely ignored it.

I'm so upset about the lack of support here, we don't ask a lot of them compared to a lot of people I know, this is obviously an ad-hoc request but it is on a day they would normally have him anyway if it weren't for the decorators.

AIBU?

I think you are getting a hard time here OP by all those asking why your DH needs to be there.
At my first growth scan at about 26 weeks they found a significant anomaly which led to lots of investigations and suggestions of whether to continue with the pregnancy. Unfortunately my DH had stepped out to put more money in parking meter when I was called in, and i had to listen to this on my own, and he came back in to building to me coming out of scan room in floods of tears. The sonographer had a medical student with them who they described in great detail all my babies brain abnormalities too in medical language, I presume assuming that I wouldn't know what they were saying. However as a paediatric specialist I knew fully what they were saying.
It may be that he can't, and you have to have your older child in wait room with him if needed, but those who are suggesting you are unreasonable in wanting him there are being a bit unfair I think.

If you don't want to go alone then you need to make other arrangements.
Sulking about your otherwise helpful parents not being available on this one occasion isn't going to help.

There could be any number of reasons such as GP knowing that her husband might try and move furniture alone and hurt himself or not know what was wanted when asked by decorators. Redecorating is a once in a decade event in our family and a day to be a team as a couple…much like OP and DH sadly on the same day

Maybe OPs parents realised that OP is prioritising her weekend away instead having a scan earlier, so don’t think that they should have to rearrange their own plans.

Others have suggested a babysitting agency, my DD is a performing arts after school teacher so enhanced DBS and first aid trained. She is registered with an agency and does a lot of these emergency babysitting day time gigs.
This would seem your solution.

I'm so upset about the lack of support here

You mom watches your son at your home while you work; I assume that's on a regular basis? It seems like you're getting plenty of support. Reschedule or go on your own.

Sorry you have this worry op, at such a late stage it must be stressful .

People can be weird. Your parents having workmen in their in house is obviously bothering them for reasons that seem unfathomable to you or I.

If they are usually attentive and supportive just shrug it off or it will damage your relationship at such a crucial time.

As pp said dh just waits in the waiting room with ds if you can't find a friend to have him for a couple of hours.

No, it’s not hard not to dwell on it at all. People’s lives are different, we are all coping with various things, some serious, some less so. Better to focus on our own stuff than waste time thinking others have it easier. You’ll be happier.

I hope your scan goes well.

Thanks, generally they are but they have moments where they prioritise routine.

For example my dad has a shower on a Wednesday so won't do anything in that timeframe, they get cash out on Thursday mornings, go food shopping on Fridays.

They like a specific routine and don't like to deviate from it which can make it difficult in emergencies hence why we just stick to Mondays usually.

I don't mean physical support to clarify, more emotional I'm obviously feeling quite stressed about the whole situation so not coming across well and there's a lot more to it than just this.

I find it hard not to anyway but everyone is different aren't they?!?

Thanks

We specifically offered my husband to go and help move it so they don't have to

God what a awful parent I am for booking my son something special months ago just before he's about to become a sibling.

Never once have I asked them to rearrange their plans, I've had decorators in my house and it didn't take two people to watch them and all furniture was moved the weekend prior to them starting.

Thanks, I totally agree I'm also really sorry to hear that happened to you.

I would be fuming too. Its couple of hours, not a full day.

You sound very stressed out but I think you'll look back at this sometime later and realise it wasn't worth getting upset over and that actually you were fine.

Try to accept what will be, husband and 3yr old at the hospital whilst you have your appointment and then focus on the special weekend you have planned, you'll be ok.

@Momofboys97 you are being dramatic. It's a growth scan nothing else. If you were worried you would have gone for the earlier scan or paid for a private one. You are extremely selfish towards your parents here. They have plans doesn't matter what they are they told you in advance. You are being given options and you don't want to do them. It's not difficult to go for. Scan on your own. Plenty women do it on their own every day. So do not tell me I am being rude when you are being the exact same towards your parents.
I didn't have all my children in covid just my last one.

Thank you! I definitely am, feeling extremely on edge and anxious for weeks about my son becoming a big brother, stressing about getting everything ready. Now this ontop, I had hoped people would be a bit nicer with their words on here no matter what their opinion but that was clearly too much to ask.

A private scan is not medical and cannot be relied upon.

I've never once asked for options on what to do, you are rude, you just don't like being told that you are.

You can shout that into the void as much as you like but unless your mum changes her mind or you manage to magic up some suitable childcare then what are your options?

Your choices are limited at this point so you most likely have to go alone, it may be out of your hands.

Although did they say why they wanted you back again if you just had a scan recently? Was baby measuring big or small?

As an aside, wasn't the growth scan booked after your anomaly scan? (My hospital gave 3 scans as standard and each were booked after the prior scan)

This makes their rigidity more understandable. Unfortunately, you probably will just have to deal with it.

Scans on your own aren't great, I do know as I've had many on my own during a high risk pregnancy, but a growth scan that you yourself aren't prioritising over a weekend away is likely to be uneventful.

I know your toddler's life is going to change, but a holiday is a luxury most toddler's manage fine without prior to the birth of their first sibling.

It seems to me that you don’t like being told you are being unreasonable, what do you want from this thread?

Not everyone's DH can get time away from work to attend scans or they might be looking after other children. Doesn't mean they don't care.

Honestly OP you just need to focus on a solution or managing your emotions about going alone. There's nothing to be gained from moaning about your parents. And certainly nothing to be gained from wanting other people to slag them off as well.

A friend, babysitter, childminder, nanny for a few hours ? Take him with you to the scan?