Ultrasound childcare

[Momofboys97]

Mondays my mom usually looks after my eldest son at my house while I'm working from home, they are both retired but we only ask them for help on one day a week.

She told me that they couldn't do one particular Monday because they had decorators come in for the entire week and both my mom and dad need to be there to move furniture around. I thought it was odd but I said that's fine I'll just work around it however I've now been referred for a growth scan for my second child and they have asked me to come on the first day of my parents decorating.

This was the first appointment available I was able to attend and without thinking I booked it, the lady on the phone was extremely rude to me about it being so far in the future but the other times were just unachievable with our other child.

I asked my parents while I knew they had decorators if just my mom could spare a couple of hours on that day to look after my eldest and they said no because they both need to be there to move furniture around for the decorator I said wouldn't your furniture have been moved the day before, still they declined and creating a drama out of the decorators coming, my last message to them was that my husband would have to miss the scan because we have no other childcare and I'll have to go my own and my own mother has completely ignored it.

I'm so upset about the lack of support here, we don't ask a lot of them compared to a lot of people I know, this is obviously an ad-hoc request but it is on a day they would normally have him anyway if it weren't for the decorators.

AIBU?

This is a good shout and might be our only solution, I'm just so upset about it

Am I being thick or is it not obvious to leave them with their dad??

Then he will have to stay with his dad while you go for your scan OP, there isn’t really another option.

You know your parents are not available.

I'm sorry but you are being unreasonable. Your mum gave you a lot of notice that she wouldn't be able to look after your child on that day.

Your husband doesn't need to be there at all. I had weekly growth scans with one of mine so it would have been impossible for him to come to them all. He came to the 12 and 20 week but rhat was it.
My last baby was in covid so there really was no option. Put your big girl pants on and go on your own.

It is rubbish but it is what it is, I went to my 20 week scan alone.. didn’t really want to but sometimes a plan just doesn’t come together x

This is thread is insane.

How can anyone be thinking that the OP just has to suck it up.

One of the parents not being willing to watch the child, due to helping the decorator, is absolutely mental.

I think that’s sort of understandable if you are having a low risk pregnancy and haven’t had traumatic experiences before. But if there is a non-negligible chance that you are going to get worrying news then both parents should be there if at all possible.

And I agree with PP that I wouldn’t think much of a dad who didn’t want to attend those appointments. Everywhere I’ve worked allows men paid time off to attend those sorts of appointments as part of their parental rights policies.

I just had to show up to everything with my toddler and tell them I had no other option, I was fleeing DV in an unfamiliar place with zero support.

Your husband can care for your child whilst you have a quick scan.

And if you don't have any childcare for your child? Bring them along?

I also agree with you OP that this is weird. I wonder if it’s really decorators or if they are actually going away or similar and didn’t want to tell you in case you felt they couldn’t cancel the original day of childcare for that reason.

Book a babysitter through a reputable agency.

But he could take her and collect, just stay in the waiting room with the other child.

I had all my scans alone with second child. First 12 week one we’d planned to have childcare but our daughter was ill in hospital at the time so my husband stayed with her. 20 week scan he was away with work (I guess I could have changed the date) abd the few growth scans I had didn’t work for childcare so he wasn’t able to come, not because he’s horrid, but it wasn’t practical.

you’re being totally unreasonable as there is no emergency. Your parents aren’t free.

your attitude is terrible and suggest you
think their plans aren’t important as they’re retired. One day a week is a lot of regular childcare. You’re lucky.

Thank you so much, this is what I'm trying to get my head around. Why they both need to be there all day, Ive asked for two hours as an emergency

Ring up to see if there’s been cancellations

Book a babysitter through a reputable agency or someone recommended by a friend.

Being honest although I don't agree with it they don't have to offer childcare. They can say no.

I would want my husband there too, but you still can’t disrespect your mother’s time. She set a pretty simple limited boundary after consistently being very generous with her time.

I don’t quite understand the squeezing in the growth scan issue. If it can’t be managed, then won’t the doctors just be able to see the baby in person? If it was critical that it be done before the baby is delivered, it seems unlikely they would not have done it immediately if timing is getting that tight.

Sometimes it just isn't possible.

Think I would rather they be looked after by a parent or family and not a random stranger. Attendance to scans is small in the scale of things with regards to parenting.

Your mum has things on that are stressful for her. I don’t have any support so I would suggest
a) go alone and just cope with the stress from last times trauma
b) pay for childcare (always important to have sourced paid childcare for when needed)
c) take husband and child. They stay handy with you until apt time then just go for a walk nearby and meet you afterwards. In emergency dh can get to you in 5 mins, if all ok you can go for cakes and tea afterwards all together and celebrate

YABU and sound entitled.

You know this is Mumsnet, right? My in-laws are in their 70s and in pretty fantastic health for their age, but that can change so quickly. My husband prefers to come with me for all my pregnancy scans because he wants to see his baby and he wants to support me. Having no choice and getting on with it is one thing, but if someone ever had the stones to tell me to suck it up and/or put my big girl pants on, they'd have me swearing like a sailor.

It didn’t cross your mind to bring your husband to your 12 week scan? I find that bizarre. Fair enough if he genuinely can’t make it but surely the ideal is to go together? Plus I know a few people who got bad news at that scan so would be awful to be alone if avoidable.

One day a week childcare is a huge commitment from them. I'm very surprised you feel you don't ask much of them and seem dismissive of their time.

YABU. It's a shame they can't help out, but they aren't unreasonable to prioritise their needs, however irrational you find it. They gave fair warning and ultimately it was your mistake.

I hope all goes well with the scan and baby.

Your parents aren't being very helpful are they? You are not being unreasonable about that.

Assume they'll be available when you go into labour though?

This leaves very few options doesn't it? My hospital had a limit on the number of people you could bring to scans (1 adult) as well as a no child policy so DH and older child in waiting room wouldn't have been an option.

That said other than 12 week and anomaly scans I went alone precisely so I didn't have to worry about who would have the other kids!