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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was I wrong to say it’s inappropriate for her to ask for my number?

214 replies

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 21:01

I was at a wedding today and the drink flowed a little.

The daughter of along time friend asked me for my number. I’ve known her for years and she hasn’t asked me before. She’s 23 and I’m 49. I said no and told her it’s inappropriate as she can ask her dad how I’m doing or to arrange a group meet up. Not sure why else she would want my number.

The thing is I think I’ve upset her by suggesting something that I don’t think she meant. She’s had issues in the past and I didn’t mean her any upset.

Did I do the right thing or was I unreasonable?

OP posts:
MN2025 · 13/10/2025 21:02

You don’t have to give your phone number if you don’t want to!

DinaofCloud9 · 13/10/2025 21:03

You don't have to give her your number but why did you tell her it's inappropriate?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 13/10/2025 21:03

Not unreasonable to not give her your number, but it was unnecessary and rude to suggest she’s being inappropriate based on one simple question.

FuzzyWolf · 13/10/2025 21:03

You don’t have to give out your phone number to anyone that you don’t want to have it but I can’t figure out why it would be inappropriate for her to know it.

Hadalifeonce · 13/10/2025 21:03

Of course you don't have to give out your number, but it's not unreasonable for her to ask.

IvedoneitagainhaventI · 13/10/2025 21:04

I'm struggling to see why this is inappropriate.
But I agree with pp that you only give your number to people you want to have your number

Mooselooseinmyhoose · 13/10/2025 21:05

I think context is key here! Is there a reason she might want you number which isnt suggestive? For example are you a plumber and shes just bought a house, or similar.

What did she say immediately before asking for you number?

If there is no reason to ask for your number then I think you the right thing in stepping back and pointing out its inappropriate.

OrangeAxolotyl · 13/10/2025 21:05

Did you think she was coming on to you?
Was this out of the blue, with no conversation?

JLou08 · 13/10/2025 21:05

That was pretty cold. I don't see how it's inappropriate for her to ask for your number. If you don't like her you don't have to give her your number but there was no need to say it was inappropriate. I think a lot of people would be upset and feel rejected if someone they felt they got on well with said what you did.

JulietSierra · 13/10/2025 21:05

I don’t understand why you told her she was being inappropriate? Of course you’re well within your rights to decide who you give your number to but why was it inappropriate for her to ask??

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 13/10/2025 21:06

Why would it be inappropriate for her to ask?

It would be inappropriate to ask for your GP's mobile, or your child's teacher. Not for a family friend.

It might've been nicer to say, "I'm changing my number soon / don't remember my own phone no offhand - but I'm in a WhatsApp group with your dad..."

RocketLollyPolly · 13/10/2025 21:08

Not unreasonable for her to ask. Not unreasonable for you to refuse.

What is unreasonable is you suggesting she did something inappropriate. She didn’t.

Lilyhatesjaz · 13/10/2025 21:08

Are you a man? I think that makes a difference in this case as you wouldn't necessarily feel comfortable speaking separately to your friends daughter.

DiscoBob · 13/10/2025 21:09

It's deeply bizarre for you to call it 'inappropriate' unless something terrible to do with court cases or something to do with families not being allowed to speak for safeguarding reasons?

If not you should've just probably used another reason not to give it. Why not just say, I'll take your number? Is there a strong reason why you don't want her to have it?

EmeraldRoulette · 13/10/2025 21:10

Are you saying that somebody less than half your age asked for your number for dating reasons?

I'm not the person to ask because my last boyfriend was young, so obviously I'm fine with it 😂

Anxietybummer · 13/10/2025 21:12

She was being friendly and probably asked as a way to stay in touch. By saying it’s inappropriate you’ve basically suggested she’s got inappropriate intentions… which is a bit rude and bloody awkward. You don’t have to share your number if you don’t want too, but I really don’t know why you’d make a comment like that.

Illberidingshotgun · 13/10/2025 21:13

Did you feel she was flirting with you, is that what made you feel uncomfortable? How much contact have you had previously?

Bestwishes23 · 13/10/2025 21:18

What's the missing context, OP?

BauhausOfEliott · 13/10/2025 21:24

Is the problem that you’re a man (or a woman who dates women) and felt uncomfortable with giving your number out to your friend’s daughter because of the potential for her to get the wrong idea or for her dad to think there was something going on?

Totally understandable that you’d decline to give her your number if that’s the case - and totally understandable that you’d feel uncomfortable with the whole idea. Telling her it was ‘inappropriate’ was a bit OTT - it’s not like she’s harassing you by asking. I think a breezy ‘Oh, you don’t need my number - you can always contact me through your dad if you need to’ would have been more tactful.

What exactly do you mean when you say ‘She’s had issues in the past’? What sort of ‘issues’?!

BauhausOfEliott · 13/10/2025 21:28

EmeraldRoulette · 13/10/2025 21:10

Are you saying that somebody less than half your age asked for your number for dating reasons?

I'm not the person to ask because my last boyfriend was young, so obviously I'm fine with it 😂

I’m guessing the younger man you dated wasn’t your best mate’s son, though? I think that, not the age difference, is the root of the OP’s discomfort here.

I dated a man 20 years older than me when I was 22-24, so I have no qualms about age gaps, but I certainly wouldn’t have dated him if he’d been a friend of my dad’s!

purpleme12 · 13/10/2025 21:30

I presumed OP was a man and so he was thinking she was interested romantically or something

YankSplaining · 13/10/2025 21:33

Whether she was asking for romantic reasons or other reasons, you responded in a way that, to her, will read like you were trying to shame her. You acted like she was somehow wrong or weird or unsavory to have asked, and from what you’ve told us here, I don’t see anything indicating that she was. You didn’t have to give her your number. But there were ways to handle this other than acting like she’d committed some social faux pas or done something creepy.

EmeraldRoulette · 13/10/2025 21:36

@BauhausOfEliott no he wasn't. I agree that would've been weird.

OP still hasn't come back to explain the missing bit that should've been in the first post! It may have been an innocent friendly request. But people are so worried about age gaps now, that's what I got from it.

Skippydoodle · 13/10/2025 21:36

I think your reaction is very odd.

Cherrysoup · 13/10/2025 21:36

Back in the day, I had a friend, horse related, we shared a horse between us. She had 2 dc, I’d occasionally babysit her dd (she didn’t leave her autistic ds, fair enough, her choice). She then died. Her dd, now grown up, to pursue a friendship which was a little odd. I didn’t want this, I was her mum’s friend, not hers. I completely empathise, OP.