Page 3 | Was I wrong to say it’s inappropriate for her to ask for my number?

Ishoulddomore · 2025-10-13T20:01:10+00:00

I was at a wedding today and the drink flowed a little. The daughter of along time friend asked me for my number. I’ve known her for years and she hasn’t asked me before. She’s 23 and I’m 49. I said no and told her it’s inappropriate as she can ask her dad how I’m doing or to arrange a group meet up. Not sure why else she would want my number. The thing is I think I’ve upset her by suggesting something that I don’t think she meant. She’s had issues in the past and I didn’t mean her any upset. Did I do the right thing or was I unreasonable?

Original poster

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:41

BauhausOfEliott · 13/10/2025 21:24

Is the problem that you’re a man (or a woman who dates women) and felt uncomfortable with giving your number out to your friend’s daughter because of the potential for her to get the wrong idea or for her dad to think there was something going on?

Totally understandable that you’d decline to give her your number if that’s the case - and totally understandable that you’d feel uncomfortable with the whole idea. Telling her it was ‘inappropriate’ was a bit OTT - it’s not like she’s harassing you by asking. I think a breezy ‘Oh, you don’t need my number - you can always contact me through your dad if you need to’ would have been more tactful.

What exactly do you mean when you say ‘She’s had issues in the past’? What sort of ‘issues’?!

I think that’s kind of it. However there is no way she wants anything more than friendship. I just think it’s inappropriate for her dad, mum and my wife

OP posts:

FairKoala · 13/10/2025 22:43

Maybe she wanted your number as she was organising a surprise party for her dad.

Maybe she wants to approach you about getting information about the company you work for and needs to know who to approach about a job there or working in the industry

There are a million and one reasons why she might want your number without it being about her coming on to you.

She is probably horrified that she gave that impression
I can’t understand why you would think it inappropriate. You are treating her like a child and she is a grown woman who was asking you directly for something and you said she needed to ask her father

The only inappropriate person here is you.

Original poster

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:43

reversingdumptruckwithnotyreson · 13/10/2025 22:25

But why do you think she wanted your number?

I have no idea, she doesn’t need it for anything.

OP posts:

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 13/10/2025 22:46

Another one here who can’t figure out why it’s inappropriate. Slightly odd, at worst.

Original poster

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:46

reversingdumptruckwithnotyreson · 13/10/2025 22:25

But why do you think she wanted your number?

To message me about things I guess. Not sure why and I think she should be asking her dad. I think messages between us with no no else involved could be misconstrued

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Whentosayitsover · 13/10/2025 22:48

Actually. I think you have done the right thing. The fact you’re male makes a big difference. You’ve been clear and what you’ve said can’t be misninterpreted. You can’t be accused of leading her on if anything were to crop up in future. It would be inappropriate for you to be in touch with her outside of the group unless you had a common interest/hobby or other already established relationship. She may not have liked hearing it but it needed to be said

Original poster

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:50

OrangeAxolotyl · 13/10/2025 22:25

So - correct me if I'm wrong... you're not a particularly attractive middle aged man. At a wedding, people were a bit drunk, and your friend's attractive daughter - far too young for you - asked for your number. You were a bit harsh. Right?
What do you want to happen now?

I think I need to apologise and ask her dad and my wife if it’s ok to send/reply to messages from her

OP posts:

Original poster

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:52

Ineedanewsofa · 13/10/2025 22:27

If her Dad’s the same age as you she could be trying to plan a surprise 50th…to which you will now probably not be invited!

Oh god! 😂

OP posts:

FireBreathingDragon · 13/10/2025 22:55

I don’t think you did anything wrong. I think you behaved like a good husband and friend by not overstepping any boundaries with a girl less than half your age.

Was she tipsy? Booze can make people over friendly and do and say some things you’d never consider when sober.

I wouldn’t message her and apologise. Unless someone brings it up I’d try and forget about it. She asked for your number and you said no. End of.

Original poster

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:56

FairKoala · 13/10/2025 22:43

Maybe she wanted your number as she was organising a surprise party for her dad.

Maybe she wants to approach you about getting information about the company you work for and needs to know who to approach about a job there or working in the industry

There are a million and one reasons why she might want your number without it being about her coming on to you.

She is probably horrified that she gave that impression
I can’t understand why you would think it inappropriate. You are treating her like a child and she is a grown woman who was asking you directly for something and you said she needed to ask her father

The only inappropriate person here is you.

That’s what I’m thinking now and I feel awful. It’s a sad world these days. I guess I didn’t want to feel inappropriate by giving her my number.

OP posts:

Wainscot · 13/10/2025 22:58

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 22:46

To message me about things I guess. Not sure why and I think she should be asking her dad. I think messages between us with no no else involved could be misconstrued

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By whom? Are you one of those people who thinks men and women can’t be friends, even if there’s no sexual attraction and you’re older than her dad??

OrangeAxolotyl · 13/10/2025 22:59

You're married?! Ok. Not good... were you actually considering cheating?
Maybe @FairKoala is right. It could be any number of things.

NoTouch · 13/10/2025 23:00

Trust your instincts. It didn’t feel right so fine to say no, you could have been more diplomatic with your reply but I suspect she’ll get over it.

HarrisonsHair · 13/10/2025 23:00

I think you did the right thing. How many women on here would be happy with their 49 year old husband getting the number of a much younger attractive woman???
I wouldn't take the number of a much younger man either, why would I?

Personperson · 13/10/2025 23:02

Jesus christ if the poor guy had taken her number, I'm sure you would have all jumped on him.

And actually sometimes early 20s years old are interested in older males, I've been in a relationship with one myself for 20 years. Some of us like older men.

Op since you have zero interest in her and you don't find it appropriate then you did 100% the right thing and have drawn a boundary.

3beesinmybonnet · 13/10/2025 23:03

If, as you say, the drinks had been flowing to the extent that she was being huggy and clingy with you, the chances are she won't even remember the conversation anyway.

HarrisonsHair · 13/10/2025 23:04

This place is so weird, usually men who are in contact with much younger women are slaughtered on here. But along comes a man who is ethical enough to feel on some level it is wrong and he is being criticised, you can't win sometimes!

Personperson · 13/10/2025 23:05

HarrisonsHair · 13/10/2025 23:04

This place is so weird, usually men who are in contact with much younger women are slaughtered on here. But along comes a man who is ethical enough to feel on some level it is wrong and he is being criticised, you can't win sometimes!

Exactly. It's probably because he's a bloke.

Won't let them win if they are male full stop.

And men piss me off most times, however I can see the hypocrisy, often on here.

Original poster

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 23:06

FireBreathingDragon · 13/10/2025 22:55

I don’t think you did anything wrong. I think you behaved like a good husband and friend by not overstepping any boundaries with a girl less than half your age.

Was she tipsy? Booze can make people over friendly and do and say some things you’d never consider when sober.

I wouldn’t message her and apologise. Unless someone brings it up I’d try and forget about it. She asked for your number and you said no. End of.

Yes, she was and prob is still tipsy as you say. I’ve left. I won’t be messaging her.

OP posts:

Redlittlebowl · 13/10/2025 23:07

It wasn’t clear from your OP that you’re a man. It’ll make a difference to the voting.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 13/10/2025 23:11

I get it, inappropriate doesn't have to mean sexual.
The age gap and relationship with her father make it inappropriate.
My DH would be surprised if DD asked one if his friends for their number.
You sounds vulnerable.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 13/10/2025 23:12

Let it go, pretend it didn't happen or you don't remember, do not follow up on it.

Original poster

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 23:13

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 23:06

Yes, she was and prob is still tipsy as you say. I’ve left. I won’t be messaging her.

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Just need to say before people pipe up. I won’t be messaging because I have no way of doing so. Not on facebook, the gram or any other way. I was also told when I was young that drunk people become who they actually are when they drink

OP posts:

EmeraldShamrock000 · 13/10/2025 23:16

Ishoulddomore · 13/10/2025 23:13

Just need to say before people pipe up. I won’t be messaging because I have no way of doing so. Not on facebook, the gram or any other way. I was also told when I was young that drunk people become who they actually are when they drink

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Don't disclose her past issues on here.

ChessBess · 13/10/2025 23:17

Bit odd of her to ask but a bit odd for you to refuse. It makes it awkward by refusing and now you’re second guessing.

Different some pervy creep asking for it.