Was I wrong to say it’s inappropriate for her to ask for my number?

[Ishoulddomore]

I was at a wedding today and the drink flowed a little.

The daughter of along time friend asked me for my number. I’ve known her for years and she hasn’t asked me before. She’s 23 and I’m 49. I said no and told her it’s inappropriate as she can ask her dad how I’m doing or to arrange a group meet up. Not sure why else she would want my number.

The thing is I think I’ve upset her by suggesting something that I don’t think she meant. She’s had issues in the past and I didn’t mean her any upset.

Did I do the right thing or was I unreasonable?

You’re describing what sounds like a family friend asking for your number. Without any other context your response comes across as rude and cold.

Your reaction to her asking for your number isn't a good look.
Nothing about it was inappropriate unless you missed the bit where she asked for it in a 'coquettish' way...
Why did you feel the need to embarrass her by suggesting otherwise?

Thanks all, I think you’ve reinforced what I was thinking. I’ve been a right lemon and god knows what I’ll say next time I’ll see her. I’ll also answer some questions for the context. That said I’m not sure her dad would be happy with us being in touch out of group chats and I’m not sure I’d be happy if one of my mates suddenly started messaging my daughter.

Just apologise about your manners, but say you're old enough to be her dad, in fact her dad is your friend so you were a bit thrown.

I should have handled it better, I just don’t think it’s right.

I’m hopeless at anything useful like that! Her dad’s far better. She was pretty clingy for most of the night, her boyfriend was there and he agreed. I think that’s made me ponder it more.

This is all so weird.

No way, she’s very attractive and I’m no catch.

So.... what exactly do you feel that the problem is? I'm struggling to work out what's actually happened here.

Why?

Because of her age and the fact she has no need to contact me.

But why do you think she wanted your number?

I’m assuming you’re a Man?

If so, I think you did the right thing. Sounds like she probably finds you attractive and wanted to keep in touch, perhaps eventually sending flirty messages etc. Obviously it would likely be the end of your friendship with her Dad if that all happened. Can’t imagine her Dad would be pleased anyway.

If you’re a woman, then yes you were rude and it’s weird of you.

So - correct me if I'm wrong... you're not a particularly attractive middle aged man. At a wedding, people were a bit drunk, and your friend's attractive daughter - far too young for you - asked for your number. You were a bit harsh. Right?
What do you want to happen now?

Look, it felt uncomfortable to you and so you did the right thing for yourself, based on how you felt

Don't overthink it.

And dont go back now. Move on.

Are you a man?

If her Dad’s the same age as you she could be trying to plan a surprise 50th…to which you will now probably not be invited!

So am I after reading the replies. Is it ok for a 49 male to be in contact out of group chat with a young woman ?

Because I’m 49, she’s 23 and has no reason to be in contact with me

Well, are you both single? If you're consenting adults, theoretically not a problem, but she's the daughter of a friend and there's a huge age gap.
Maybe problematic?
Your choice. If that's what she wants.

Its highly unlikely a 23 yr old young woman was hitting on you at an event she was attending with her boyfriend, if thats what youre thinking. To her youre an old bloke that's friends with her dad.

You dont need to be analysing it

Yes I’m a man and yes that’s what felt. I get it, he shouldn’t be a problem and I should have respected her wishes more. Hit on the head for me!

Oh yes, I forgot the boyfriend was there. Unlikely, then.

No problems like that at all.

Not at all, just really friendly. Just huggy and clingy. No more contact than before