Was I wrong to say it’s inappropriate for her to ask for my number?

[Ishoulddomore]

I was at a wedding today and the drink flowed a little.

The daughter of along time friend asked me for my number. I’ve known her for years and she hasn’t asked me before. She’s 23 and I’m 49. I said no and told her it’s inappropriate as she can ask her dad how I’m doing or to arrange a group meet up. Not sure why else she would want my number.

The thing is I think I’ve upset her by suggesting something that I don’t think she meant. She’s had issues in the past and I didn’t mean her any upset.

Did I do the right thing or was I unreasonable?

When i was 19 i briefly went out with a 39 year old. God knows why but I definitely found him attractive! Probably more to do with being in a vulnerable place at the time and him being a knob. People have been harsh to the OP. He had a gut instinct and i think he was right to follow it. I also dont think (as some PPs have said) that he wants to be congratulated for saying no. He is worried that he has offended his friends daughter and potentially his friend!

The replies are not necessarily ridiculous.
I thought it was laughable that OP has to ask her father (of a 24 yo woman) for permission or consult with him if he wants to or doesnt want to message his grown up daughter. If someone was sasking my dad for permission to have my number Id have zero respect for him. He can of course not want to be messaging with her and tell her this much.

This is ridiculous, the man did the right thing. He was considerate for a young person who in the past has had problems. He had no way of knowing for sure what her intentions were or if it would put the girl in a difficult position later down the line. And how would it have looked later on down the line if something did happen? Or if this young person was attracted to her father's friend. The guy obviously has her wellbeing at heart. He could have handled it better maybe. He could have said just get it off your dad. If the girl wants to see this man, then it's best to do it via a family member.

Can you give her my number?

I think people are being very harsh here. Yes he could have said no a little more politely or maybe said get it from your Dad. But OP sounds like a very thoughtful guy, thinking of his close family and friends feelings, if he'd given her his number you'd all be calling him a dirty old man. OP please stop stressing about this, if she was drunk she probably won't even remember!

I highly doubt this situation will ever come up again, but were you not just tempted to keep your face and voice neutral and ask, "Why?" And find out why she actually wanted your number? I agree it seems odd, so I'd have been intrigued to know what her thinking was. Having said that I can see why you just panicked - younger woman, daughter of a friend, not wanting it to be misconstrued by others as something sleazy etc... is it too late to ask after her with her Mum or her Dad (your friend), say that you're concerned about her because she was acting out of character. If they ask what you mean, be vague, say you can't put your finger on it or something similar?

You could drop her a message, a follow up to clarify. I don't think it was inappropriate she asked. I think it's also inappropriate for you to hand it out. I agree with you OP. The theme seems to be people think its inappropriate to insinuate she was asking for suggestive reasons . But as a man my input is it would be inappropriate for you to agree and put yourself in that position. For the same reason I don't message my mates wife. It's sort of the bro code , so whilst it's not wrong the only time we speak is when she reaches out saying she wants to organise a surprise birthday party etc... , I wouldn't dream of even having a conversation with my mates daughter over a private message , potentially fine if in a group chat or in public etc...

Could be inappropriate if you are a bloke.

If this was the other way round you’d be absolutely rinsed, it is totally inappropriate and of course you shouldn’t give her your number and imagine her dad would be furious if you had!

Any chance that your "long time friend" has an important birthday, or other celebration, coming up in the next few months and his daughter is planning some sort of surprise party for him and want's to be able to contact his various friends without him knowing?
Just a thought.

When I was 17/18 i used to go to a disco and an attractive man who worked there was 20 years older than me. He wasn’t sleazy in any way but would often make quips about wanting to be my sugar daddy sugar. Our paths crossed again when I was about 22 and I walked past a bar where he was sitting & joined him for a drink. I was in a serious relationship but if things had been different………..I still remember him with a smile and I’m now 75 years old!

Why would the surgery is a friend went his number?

A man who isn't a creep. Thank god. Well done

Not inappropriate but if you don’t want to give it to her don’t.