Colleague on maternity leave snapped at me when she visited with her baby

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One of my colleagues is a couple of months post partum and visited today with her newborn.

Prior to going on mat leave, she was very ‘vocal’ shall we say about pregnancy symptoms etc and with a small group of us, talked about her sex life.

We were chatting away today and, knowing how open she usually is, I asked her if she was ‘active’ again yet (I asked this light heartedly - I think the term I used was ‘are you getting any action’).

She snapped at me and said that’s not on her mind and how dare I ask such a question!! It was incredibly awkward, I obviously apologised and then made my excuses to step away.

I know hormones and all that - but given what’s she’s usually like, and was like throughout pregnancy, I can’t help but find that an OTT response?!

Bit of a weird thing to have asked her OP…

Edit: sorry that was an understatement, incredibly weird and inappropriate thing to ask her.

Why would you ask that when she's come to show off her newborn?!

That’s on you. How bizarre!! You owe her an apology.

You were absolutely BU

What a bizarre thing to ask

Completely inappropriate!! The poor woman is probably knackered and not feeling herself and you want to know if she's shagging 😭

omg op, I can’t imagine asking even my BF that question after having a baby.

Did you ask her any questions about the birth, recovery, post natal moods, if she's getting any sleep, if the baby is in a good routine etc? Or did you go straight in with the weird sex question?

Its one thing people saying stuff and offering information that is TMI, but someone else asking is just rude!

YABU

I did apologise to her. I just couldn’t believe the response given how brazen she was a matter of months ago!

I am guessing you've yet to push out your own baby?

Whe you have, you may understand her reaction.

Poor woman. :D

Yes of course.

Wtf.

Totally unreasonable thing to ask.

That’s such an inappropriate question to ask at work. It doesn’t matter what she’s usually like, you just don’t ask that sort of thing.

Did you actually want to know the answer?!

bloody hell. If I’d been your colleague and she’d started going into gory details about stitches and lube and what not, I’d have been giving you daggers myself.

Months ago.

A baby is a new world. The old one is another life.
You learnt your leason I guess.

I don’t think you did anything wrong. If that was how she always spoke to you and your friendship typically has that level of openness and candour then her response was unkind. You can’t be an open book then get angry when people ask you questions.

Shocked and embarrassed for you. Did you really say that...who else heard. Have you had children op. You come to see colleagues to show off the baby not discuss your sex life. It's beyond strange you even mention it. You just say baby is beautiful, handsome, cute etc and give a gift.

Have you got kids?

Yes very inappropriate thing to say to someone with a newborn in her arms.

What on earth were you thinking?

Completely inappropriate, especially in a workplace - how do you not understand that?

What she said months ago is irrelevant.

Are you worried incase she reports you for sexual harassment? It's the employers responsibility to ensure none of their staff are sexually inappropriate.

I'm shocked that you thought that was a good question to ask in your workplace, and still think you're being so reasonable that you posted this thread.

She was brazen, that's on her. You were at work, she was visiting. Whatever her stance, your own professionalism and boundaries should have prevailed. Just because someone else overshares, doesn't mean you ask.

I kind of get it if your colleague was open about her sex life before having a baby so you kind of took your cues from her pre baby self. Having a baby does change things though.

Don't beat yourself up over it

Given I clenched with cringe for you Internet Stranger I’m amazed your toenails didn’t fly off in horrified amazement.

Eek I wouldn’t even ask my best friend that let alone a colleague!