To tell pregnant DD we won’t cancel the theatre?

[Yournw]

DD is unfortunately pregnant with her first baby, without a partner. She was in a relationship and mid way through he left her. It’s been awful and we’ve tried our best to be supportive. She was living with her partner but has since moved back to her own home which is in the same town where we live.

She is due to have a c section in 9 days. The due date is a week later so she’s around 36 weeks now.

She is extremely anxious about going into labour and being alone in the house with nobody to take her to hospital. We have obviously said we will do this if that should happen and she can call us.

However..we are supposed to be going to the theatre this Saturday which is around an hour drive away. DD is not happy about this and has asked us not to go so that we are nearby should anything happen. DH is adamant we should go to the theatre and not miss the show. He is strongly of the opinion that she’s in her thirties and can look after herself and if she was to go into labour then the first hour or so isn’t going to make much difference.

DD is now distraught and I feel stuck in the middle. What would you do?!

I think the OP was describing the situation as unfortunate, not her daughter's pregnancy. People really love a pile-on, don't they?

Your daughter is obviously anxious, OP, but I wouldn't cancel my plans 'just in case'. Life still goes on! Mist people I know stoll worked and commuted up until 37 or 38 weeks. It's extremely unlikely that she'd go from nothing to active labour without warning. I'd tell her you'll keep your phone on and will come if its necessary. Plenty of people also take taxis to hospital in labour.

I think you might be in for a rough time ahead here, you need to set boundaries now.

I'd always be there if someone said they needed me, that obviously doesn't mean I sit around all day in case someone needs me.

There's no suggestion that the daughter has asked her not to go shopping or to work or anything else.

@spoonbillstretford
She's not in their home, she's in her own home.

Then she is being completely ridiculous. She will only be 36 weeks! How long does she think she gets to control your lives for?

If my daughter was anxious, frightened, due to give birth and asked me to be there, even ‘just incase’, wild horses wouldn’t keep me away!
DH would be at the theatre on his todd if he was that adamant he was going.

This seriously is the saddest post..the amount of posters inc. the OP that would not be there for a family member or even a friend in this situation is awful. And yes she may well need help with the baby afterwards too for a little while. I would much rather be there to help my daughter than go to any theatre!! Awful 😞

As I said, I don't think it's really about the specifics of the request, it's that if one of my kids say they really need me - I prioritise them. I'm thinking about it more from an emotional needs wanting to know they've always got my support.

In reality, my kids don't tend to say they need me a lot. It's more about elderly parents who do this now.

But even if it was about the specifics in the post - you've sort of missed the point. I said if someone asks me for my help I'd want them to know I'd drop things to help them, you've asked if I'd not do things in case someone asks.

But yes, I will drop plans with friends to help my elderly in-laws or mother with minor requests if they need it. My Mum would also skip church etc if I said I needed help. My older kids don't ask for help much, but I'd absolutely help them too in the scenario in the post.

Doesn't mean none of us every do anything, it's just about prioritising.

I get not everyone has the same intergenerational relationship dynamics, but I'm glad I do.

Sounds like your DD is scared and would like support and here you are saying DD is 'unfortunately' pregnant. How sad. I hope you wake up and realise one day what a blessing GC are, regardless of whether DD is with the dad or not

We all know that the likelihood is that it would be a while before she had to go to hospital and you would have time to get back. But in this case I’d not be going to the theatre if it was making my dd so anxious. I’d be saying to dh ‘sorry but I’m staying at home’.

Ffs though it’s blatantly obvious the OP means unfortunately without a partner, not unfortunately pregnant.

Wow! She’s scheduled to have a c section, if she goes into labour before she due the c section, she’ll still have a section! Her parents sound awful if they’d prioritise a theatre trip over their daughter!

Did you not read, she’s having a planned c section! If she goes into labour whilst her parents are out, she’ll still have a section! They can see a show anytime!

Don’t be sucked into feeding your DDs anxiety by acquiescing on this. It sets a dangerous precedent of over-reliance once the baby is born. There’s very little chance of her naturally going into labour whilst you’re at the theatre, or of things progressing so quickly that you couldn’t be back in time to support and take her to the hospital even if she did.

And did you not read my post?

Honestly, the likelihood of her going into spontaneous labour at that point are very small but she is your child, she’s alone and scared and she’s asking for your support, I would stay.

I wouldn’t cancel. As others have said, I’d just take my phone with me and leave the show if she goes into labour. She’s being ridiculous not wanting you to go. I was younger than your days and my OH was 300 miles away on business when I went into labour. I managed to get myself to hospital and give birth on my own. At no point would I have asked him to be nearby at all times just in case.

She must be scared. So I suppose it's what you value most here.

I went into spontaneous labour with my first at 36 weeks and by the time we got to the hospital it was almost time for the baby to be born

Don't be a cow. Of course she's nervous and anxious, she's in an awful position. If you would actually speak to your pregnant, abandoned daughter like that, I feel sorry for you.

Yes, she's going to be a mother. Yes, her anxieties don't match up with reality. But people are allowed a few blips and irrationalities at tough times. It will get better.

I can't believe, in these circumstances, you're actually considering going?

You will potentially damage your relationship with her forever over a f-ing theatre show, not to mention if something happened and you couldn't be there. I wouldn't forgive my parents if they did this

This. I'm astounded that OP is even entertaining the idea of going. It's disgraceful

Or, she's a woman having a really tough time who is being silly over one or two things, as many of us are when anticipating massive life changes, and she will be just fine in the future, and giving in to her over this one thing is not actually a big deal. Not saying OP should give in, actually. But you're catastrophising about this, I suspect OP is a bit worried about the same thing, you're both making this bigger than it is which is ironic given it's exactly what the daughter is being slated on here for doing.

The fact she’s having a planned c section at 37 weeks suggests there is an underlying medical condition. If it’s due to the babies position (transverse), it’s very important she gets to the hospital asap after any signs of labour as it can cause chord prolapse.

I had scheduled c sections and was told I had to get straight to the antenatal unit if I showed any signs of labour (no underlying conditions).

I think you’re being difficult if I’m honest. It’s your daughter and your first grandchild. A lot can happen in one hour during labour.

Ok, I misread. But the rest still stands. Even more so! Does the daughter not have any friends?

For me this would be a really straightforward question: what is my core priority - my love of theatre or my daughter, alone in late pregnancy?

Then the answer would be really obvious.

Your husband knows nothing about how it feels to go into labour. His 'she can look after herself' attitude is ignorant.

How much would you enjoy the play, knowing she felt anxious and abandoned and might go into labour?

At 36 weeks I'd be going to the theatre as well if I were her - feeding into unreasonably anxiety is enabling her not making her better. She can call an ambulance if something (very very unlikely) happens and you meet her at the hospital.