To tell pregnant DD we won’t cancel the theatre?

[Yournw]

DD is unfortunately pregnant with her first baby, without a partner. She was in a relationship and mid way through he left her. It’s been awful and we’ve tried our best to be supportive. She was living with her partner but has since moved back to her own home which is in the same town where we live.

She is due to have a c section in 9 days. The due date is a week later so she’s around 36 weeks now.

She is extremely anxious about going into labour and being alone in the house with nobody to take her to hospital. We have obviously said we will do this if that should happen and she can call us.

However..we are supposed to be going to the theatre this Saturday which is around an hour drive away. DD is not happy about this and has asked us not to go so that we are nearby should anything happen. DH is adamant we should go to the theatre and not miss the show. He is strongly of the opinion that she’s in her thirties and can look after herself and if she was to go into labour then the first hour or so isn’t going to make much difference.

DD is now distraught and I feel stuck in the middle. What would you do?!

And if any of those womens husbands had left them while they were pregnant and they suffered that trauma, along with not having him to call when labour started then perhaps some of them would have been 'overdramatic' too.

But ultimately the same. Your waters have broken. There is no one around so you get yourself to hospital or you phone someone to come and get you to take to the hospital.

Even if they have split surely the father should be on call to get her to the hospital if needed

Nowhere to be seen? They are going to be gone for a few hours and have said they will leave phones on and can be back in an hour if needed. I'm sure they are very visible in their daughter's life at the moment

Has anyone thought to contact the baby's father and asked told him to step up to the plate ?

There is a difference between things you have to do and things you choose to do.

I can see your point, but teaching the lesson when she’s heavily pregnant seems unnecessary. Sounds like they need to begin gently setting boundaries when their DD has got through the birth and newborn phase.

Behind her back?

Fair enough for her to feel hurt and not want him near her.
But it doesn't mean her parents shouldn't leave the house for weeks before her due date.
That is not a reasonable expectation

No.
After a discussion with DD.

Where does it say she doesn't want him there?

Looks like this was a dump & run so there's probably no heavily pregnant, vulnerable, distressed young woman to be concerned about!

I'm sure if the DD wanted him there then she would indeed have considered contacting him.

She is due to have a c section in 9 days. The due date is a week later so she’s around 36 weeks now.

She is extremely anxious about going into labour and being alone in the house with nobody to take her to hospital. We have obviously said we will do this if that should happen and she can call us.

What part of that sounds like a one off? DD wants her parents in her immediate presence for the whole period, which is symptomatic of irrational anxiety and not helpful to anyone.

There is a difference between offering love and support, and enabling and falling into unhelpful codependency. Especially because anxiety only increases once baby is born. What's the likelihood of DD being happy for OP to go out when baby could choke or overheat or get ill? This is not a good pattern to get into for anyone.

I think you are spot on. I said earlier on in the thread, ‘Light the touch paper and watch it burn’. It’s so tiresome.

OP is unlikely to come back due to the bashing and name calling she has received. Quite frankly I don’t blame her. She was asking for advice and validation and she was torn to shreds by a number of posters.

I dare say that her life has been turned upside down due to her DD being left by her partner during pregnancy and is doing the best she can to provide support to a heavily pregnant woman who is now very anxious and placing demands on OP which are making OP question what she should be doing.

I hope that OP finds a way forward and her DD has a safe delivery and her anxious feelings start to improve.

It doesn't but it would be 100% fair enough for her feel she doesn't want the guy who dumped her when pregnant within a 500 miles of her when she goes into labour.

Its also fairly obvious she wants Mum as her birth partner. But I'll stand by what I've said, its unreasonable to expect her mum not to travel within an hour of home.
Holiday miles away i could understand but not a night out.

Millions of birth partners need to commute. I also think it would be a bit OTT for a pregnant woman to tell her partner he wasn't allowed to have a night out in the weeks before her date.

So are you saying OP can not/should not visit friends for example, until the baby is born??

I am saying if it was my daughter and she was feeling the way OP's daughter is feeling I would put my daughter first and only do what she was comfortable with me doing.
We are all different, that is just my perspective, others will have a different view and I respect that.

So if your daughter was feeling this way - and was not comfortable with you visiting a friend...you would not visit friends?

I totally understand being supportive...but this is verging on something else.

I prioritise family over friends, especially when family members are struggling.

She's booked in for a section, so she will have been told to go straight to hospital if labour starts, and not call an ambulance, because of the long waiting times. She'll be over 38 weeks by then, so should arrange for someone to be available to take her, if you are busy.

OP said she's at 36 weeks

OP said she had 16 days to go on 7th October.

Don't rise to it else next question will be ..... So you'd agree to house arrest 😂 it's ridiculous 😂

But then also said her due date was 16 days away, which puts her at 37w5d; now 38w0d.