To tell pregnant DD we won’t cancel the theatre?

[Yournw]

DD is unfortunately pregnant with her first baby, without a partner. She was in a relationship and mid way through he left her. It’s been awful and we’ve tried our best to be supportive. She was living with her partner but has since moved back to her own home which is in the same town where we live.

She is due to have a c section in 9 days. The due date is a week later so she’s around 36 weeks now.

She is extremely anxious about going into labour and being alone in the house with nobody to take her to hospital. We have obviously said we will do this if that should happen and she can call us.

However..we are supposed to be going to the theatre this Saturday which is around an hour drive away. DD is not happy about this and has asked us not to go so that we are nearby should anything happen. DH is adamant we should go to the theatre and not miss the show. He is strongly of the opinion that she’s in her thirties and can look after herself and if she was to go into labour then the first hour or so isn’t going to make much difference.

DD is now distraught and I feel stuck in the middle. What would you do?!

But she DID say unfortunately pregnant with her first baby. Whether she meant it thst way is a different matter.

I think your DH sounds not very nice tbh, of course she has to look after herself. But maybe not RIGHT NOW.

I can’t believe this post - what cold parents you are. This is your daughter and grandchild. The theatre can bloody wait!!

There is plenty of opportunity for them to support their daughter without confining themselves to their house and local supermarket for the next 6-7 weeks.

The daughter is going to be relying heavily on her parents in the baby’s first few weeks, so she should be happy that they’ve got something nice to do before the baby comes. 36 weeks is far too early to be controlling where they go. There’s nothing the parents can do to help at that stage.

On this occasion I would lean towards supporting my child. The consequences of not doing so will run deeper than you realise, it is only a show.

Regardless of whether I feel that she should require support or not, if she feels she does then I’d want to validate that and support her. Particularly when hormonal and highly likely that she is feeling isolated and alone.

Agreed, and their relationship with their GC will depend on their willingness to be at DD’s beck and call.

I went to a wedding three days before my due date! OP’s daughter will almost certainly be fine and if anything does start OP can leave the theatre straightaway. If OP wants to be with her daughter, she can send her husband to the theatre alone or with a friend. If OP wants to go to the theatre, she can reassure DD by making sure there are contingency plans in place like another local friend, cousin etc. who can step in, emphasising that she will have her phone on vibrate on her lap at all times and will leave as soon as DD rings/messages if anything happens. Otherwise we’re effectively saying OP can’t leave the house for several weeks until baby is born and likely afterwards as well (DD won’t be able to drive after the section so OP will no doubt be on call for a good few weeks).

Oh wow, do you want a medal? 🙄 I took myself to hospital alone on public transport in labour.

However there is clearly an underlying medical condition at play for OPs daughter to be having a scheduled c section at 37 weeks. They very rarely schedule them before 38 weeks.

My first came at 38 weeks and was a breach baby so I wanted to go to the hospital as soon as I went into labour. I wouldn’t have been happy with my partner being too far away at 37 weeks.

I would try to sell the tickets. Realistically the show will be a couple of hours so it is at least 4 hours you won’t be available for, you won’t be able to take a call in the theatre. If your husband really doesn’t want to cancel ( does he disapprove of her situation) then he can go with a friend. I had a fast first labour ( pains started at 6 am baby was born just after 11 am). Does she have a friend who could stay if you really must go?

I don't really see the issue. Even if she had a partner they might well work an hr away. As long as you check your phones I think it's fine.

There’s nothing in the world I wouldn’t do for my daughter so I find this attitude hard to understand.

OP's daughter is in her own home, not her parents' home, so they haven't 'taken her in'. It says that in the OP:

'She was living with her partner but has since moved back to her own home which is in the same town where we live.'

So your whole post is redundant, as it is just you judging OP's daughter for moving back in with her parents which you wouldn't do in the same situation. Her parents can enjoy just being the two of them because their daughter doesn't live with them.

I’d cancel the theatre. Being in 30s is irrelevant. She is pregnant and in a vulnerable state and your husband is being misogynistic man.

This is insane. Go to the theatre. You are an hour away. Phones on silent but checked regularly. Sounds horrible but she’s got to get herself together she’s about to be a mother. Boundaries are important to empower her also. What happens when she has the baby, wants you to come and help but you have theatre tickets? Do you drop them then also?

I can see both sides of this and what I think is that you should just talk to her. Be kind, go to the theatre, but say you’ll stay in touch on the way there and back and at the interval. You’ll keep your phone on vibrate in your pocket. Reassure her you’ll be available if things do start.

she can be both vulnerable and capable. And you can both support her and do your thing. It’s not an either or. She needs reassurance. I think this is about HOW you manage this situation.

FWIW with my first I went into labour at exactly 37 weeks and it was fast. Under 5hours from first contraction to baby. It can happen.

Is there anyone who is a family friend you can ask to be her emergency contact for the hour it would take you to get back?

Shes been left alone. While pregnant. And is living on her own dealing with it. Find the middle ground. Talk.

Not wanting to catch a bus whilst in labour does not mean she needs counselling

My parents who are in their 70s and live a couple of hundred miles away were in the car at 4am and on their way when I went into labour. I had DH by my side, but they came anyway because it was my first and I hadn't been well. I feel sorry for people, like OP's daughter, who have parents who wouldn't do the same

The rest still stands...even more so? even though your entire post was about supportive they've been letting her live with them and how they need a night off because they'll be doing so much 😅

She's living alone and heavily pregnant and will be doing most of it alone, when she thought she was going to have a partner there.

The parents provided emotional support, that doesn't deserve praise, every parent should support their pregnant daughter if their partner leaves her obviously. She has got really anxious about them going to the theatre and asked them not to go, something which many parents would agree to in a heartbeat.

Maybe she doesn't have friends, It's not uncommon for people to say that you find out who your friends are when relationships break down so maybe she doesn't, she's also moved back to her parents town so maybe she doesn't have friends in the area. Maybe after she asked her mother (the one person she thought would probably definitely be there) and she said no then she doesn't want to ask anyone else because if your own mother would say no when it's her grandchild on the way then she might assume everyone will say no.

So your DD was living with her partner. Then, as she was looking forward to sharing a baby with this man, he left her during her pregnancy. She’s obviously devastated. Now she needs a C section. A full on operation. Her parents, much like her ex partner, don’t appear to care much about her situation, since they’d rather go to the theatre than look after her in her hours of need. Poor woman. You brought your daughter into this world, look after her when she needs you fgs!

Ditto.

DD is now distraught and I feel stuck in the middle. What would you do?!

Not for one second would I hesitate to tell my entirely lacking in empathy ‘D’H that the theatre can wait as our DD is distraught. With her first pregnancy. Things can go quickly in labour and things can go quickly wrong in labour. And we are her parents stepping up to support her.

What is wrong with this man? I’m also shocked at the number of voters agreeing with him.

Could you clarify the dates please? If she's having a c section on 9 days and her due date is 7 days later, then she is nearer to 38 weeks than 36. I don't want to sound pedantic but that makes a big difference in how likely to go into labour she is And I think would affect some people's view of which is reasonable.

Are you planning an overnight stay, is that why she is talking about getting a hotel? I think planning a night away after about 36 weeks when you are supposed to be someone's birthing partner is pretty unreasonable. If it's just an evening out, I'm more conflicted.

I would encourage her to have a friend on back up standby if possible either way - you could have a vommitting bug when she goes into labour or anything, so building more support is wise in any case

Yes I'm very curious about what the OP actually wants to do here, and is she just going along with her husband even though she doesn't want to.

The post is not redundant. You seem to be enjoying a pile on of the OP a little too much. It's even worse that they are expected to go round and sit with her in her home all the time! Ask a friend for one evening. Such an easy solution. It's not hard. She's a grown ass woman of 30+ who will need to grow up fast in a matter of weeks and start adulting pdq.

The reaction of some posters here is batshit and such a contrast compared with threads where OPs ask their parents of the same age for even a tiny amount of babysitting and are told they are entitled. Apparently pre-babysitting is ok...

You sound really unsupportive (not even the fact you are going to the theatre, which is okay as the chances are nothing will happen) but just your whole tone.

Op could she go with you to the theatre? Would be a good distraction for her.