Mother in Law has been stalking and harassing me

[TheRealHousewifeofCheshire]

Am I being unreasonable?

For months I have had a series of missed calls from a mobile number. I usually block any spam calls or my phone blocks them automatically. I will also Google numbers and if they are obviously spam I will block them. This number was not obviously spam

For reference I work in a building with little to no signal. I have tried to dial this number back when I get out of work as it was not obviously a spam number. It has never answered! I have sent numerous texts after calls asking who it was and threatening to report them.

Today I had a medical appointment and so I was at home but in the shower. The number called and I messaged it. I told.my husband went to my appointment and thought not much further about it today (because I temporarily lost my vision due to medical appointment). Tonight, I realised my husband had messaged me asking for the number so I sent it to him.

He has replied saying it is his mother!

I know she can read texts.
I have a different mobile number saved for her.
Why would she never mention it or have given me her new mobile number?

For months I thought it may have been one of any number of people I have had to take disciplinary action with. Due to the line of work I am in that is a common occurrence.

I cannot believe the number belongs to my mother in law and has effectively made me feel stalked and harassed for an excessive number of months.

AIBU?

I am angry, hurt confused and upset. My husband has brushed it off.

The whole thing is really wierd, but as she's only calling once or twice a month and you know who it is I'd probably just ignore it from here on to be honest. Unless your DH could ask her what she's playing at? I'm amazed she's kept it up for two years. Is she lonely/bored or generally a bit odd?

Block the number and limit contact with her.

I would imagine that your MIL is feeling very confused too. Every time she calls or texts you you threaten to ‘report her’. 😂

I am an independent woman. I don't need to show my husband every missed call.

Missed calls or stalking?

How odd

Sorry but she has called you once a month on average? That’s not stalking or harassing. She calls you, you don’t answer because you are at work and she doesn’t call again. No big deal. I agree it would have been polite for her to reply to your message but it sounds more like she is not very au fait with mobile phone etiquette. If she is from a generation that grew up without phones perhaps she treats it more like a landline. Or perhaps she is just thoughtless and after you don’t answer she rings your dh to speak with him instead and then doesn’t consider the impact on you. If you go into the situation saying she is stalking you then you are escalating it way out of proportion. Just raise it in a more neutral, curious way.

Sorry, I can’t understand why after the first couple of calls you didn’t block the number. Spammers often don’t answer the phone. You say you thought it might be someone who you have disciplined in the past, so surely that’s a huge reason to block the number if they didn’t reply? You are so independent’ and so busy, that you wouldn’t discuss this with your husband. Surely you chat? Why would your mil call you whilst you’re at work? Presumably if she couldn’t get through on her previous number, why would she think she can get through on her new number? PP have asked about your relationship with your mil, I wonder about your relationship with your husband.

Also log with 101:😬

Its a bit weird but why get so mad over missed calls? You could have just blocked the number 2 years ago and saved a whole load of grief.

But are you 100% sure its her number?

No one has been stalking or harassing you, when you throw out words like that, they lose their meaning. Did you ever report this to the police? Would the police actually consider this a crime and look to prosecute anyone? I’m not sure that they would.

If the calls apparently caused so much distress, you should have taken action much sooner. You sent text messages with zero response but did you ever just, change your approach and call the number? Or did you ever advise them to stop contacting you and report them to the police if they continued? If so, did you ever think the number should be blocked after your messages went unanswered? Or if so, did you ever follow through with your threat to report?

It sounds to me as if she has a second phone she does not use, and she keeps it in her bag for emergencies. Things in her bag press on it; she may have your number saved as an emergency contact, so phones routinely do this by accident. The reason she would not message back is she does not use it for calls and messages; she uses the other phone! She has no reason to check that phone.

I have a phone in regular use and one I use solely as a hotspot. However, sometimes, people text me on it as it was my old number, and I do not see those messages for a year or so! I keep it shut but charged, just using it as a router. If I had that in my handbag, it would probably cause mayhem as it also has an SOS button. Unfortunately, phones with SOS buttons make the buttom stick out more than is useful, resulting in a ton of wrong dial-outs to the assigned emergency numbers.

I’d check it really is your MIL’s phone, and not some other woman your husband knows.

This is how I would see it. MIL got a new phone. Gave her number to DH and assumed he passed on to you. Gave you a monthly call from that phone but also called from home phone at other times so just assumed she had missed you when calling from her mobile. Probably has her text notifications off so missed any messages you sent - that is really common.

Or else MIL is secretly stalking you on the sly because she is a total nutter who enjoys messing with you and her son.

That's what I am thinking, too. I think there is an 'other woman' stalking and harassing you, OP. I think your husband is lying. If your relationship is otherwise ok (for some strange reason you refuse to say), she would have mentioned it. Your husband asked for the number for a reason. Why would he do that? Only thing I can think of is there is another woman and she saw your number in his phone or something. If the calls suddenly 'stop' it's because he's warned OW to stop.

FFS. This place! Even when it's not the husband, it's the husband!

Don't you think that she might mention to the MIL that she has her new number now. And might actually call her on it from now on? Saying it's his mother's phone instead of 'the other woman's' would make it far more likely he gets caught. Use your brains.

I can't think that your mother in law phoning you once a month constitutes stalking

Is she senile? If I were you I would call her on her landline to check if she's got a new number.
The cynic in me suspects this being another woman and your dh using his mother as a cover up story.

Yes to both

The poster isn’t calling you incompetent

Why don’t you just ask her what she’s doing? Tell her that you’re getting several calls from a mysterious number and you’ve just found out it’s her.
Ask her when she isn’t responding or whatever it is she’s doing.
Thete we go - mystery solved. Wasn’t so hard was it

For a prolonged period of time, you felt as if you were being stalked or harassed. It sounds as if your job means that this would be plausible/worrying for you. And it also sounds as if for at least some of that time your DH knew that this was going on.

It is quite odd behaviour from your MiL, but it doesn’t sound as if she was stalking or harassing you, maybe just being a bit tech illiterate, and weird in not communicating her change of number or replying to your messages

I don’t think it is at all unreasonable to imagine you’d feel a bit spooked by the whole experience, whereas to them it sounds a bit of a comical misunderstanding. If you ignore the context leading up to you discovering what was going on, they might think you’re overreacting, but looking at the wider picture, you aren’t and they’re not showing a lot of empathy.

But she would have that number saved as OP’s. Why wouldn’t she answer it or reply to a text ?

Tbh, if I was feeling ‘stalked’ and worried it might be someone feeling vengeful because of disciplinary action, I absolutely WOULD have alerted my husband to it in case anything happened.
You can’t play it up as a dramatic stalking incident, then play it down asking why would you talk to your husband about it.

You clearly have a poor relationship with your MIL, since you haven’t had a reason to call her for two years (and realise you had the wrong/old number), so just move on from it. No more drama llama.

Very odd behaviour if no calls have been answered or messages responded to. It must be v unsettling. Irreverent whether it meets definition of stalking: most people would find it v unsettling.

Unless your MIL is v odd, then I’d wonder if the caller is something to do with your DH and it’s the best excuse he could think of (and has possibly confided in MIL to cover for him should you ask her).

Can you call or message MIL on the original number you have for her and see if she responds. If she does, why would she have a second number? And why would she never reply to you on it, even though she calls you on it?

I’d speak to her about the calls in person with just the two of you. So you can see her body language when she responds.

Your DH may be being honest with you and there may be an innocent explanation for MIL never responding. But I’m struggling to think of one.

It's possible she changed her number/sim because of technical difficulties. If she has a different number now id try and forget about it or talk to her, making it in to a joke at how worried you were because you thought someone was stalking you. You obviously have a stressful job and we can all get worked up about something that turns out to be innocuous sometimes.

If you think this is what stalking and/or harassment is, you’ve had a very sheltered life.