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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother in Law has been stalking and harassing me

179 replies

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 07/10/2025 22:51

Am I being unreasonable?

For months I have had a series of missed calls from a mobile number. I usually block any spam calls or my phone blocks them automatically. I will also Google numbers and if they are obviously spam I will block them. This number was not obviously spam

For reference I work in a building with little to no signal. I have tried to dial this number back when I get out of work as it was not obviously a spam number. It has never answered! I have sent numerous texts after calls asking who it was and threatening to report them.

Today I had a medical appointment and so I was at home but in the shower. The number called and I messaged it. I told.my husband went to my appointment and thought not much further about it today (because I temporarily lost my vision due to medical appointment). Tonight, I realised my husband had messaged me asking for the number so I sent it to him.

He has replied saying it is his mother!

I know she can read texts.
I have a different mobile number saved for her.
Why would she never mention it or have given me her new mobile number?

For months I thought it may have been one of any number of people I have had to take disciplinary action with. Due to the line of work I am in that is a common occurrence.

I cannot believe the number belongs to my mother in law and has effectively made me feel stalked and harassed for an excessive number of months.

AIBU?

I am angry, hurt confused and upset. My husband has brushed it off.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 08/10/2025 00:13

Hayley1256 · 08/10/2025 00:10

I'm not sure it just seems odd that it would be your mother in law.

This sounds like the kind of behaviour of an other woman and without verifying that it actually is your mother in laws number then I would be a bit suspicious of what your been told.

Show quote history

Ok thank you. It would be a bit odd to lie though wouldn't it because next time I see or speak to her I am going to ask her about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 08/10/2025 00:15

Franpie · 08/10/2025 00:12

Maybe she is thinking that “there’s this strange number that always calls me of an evening, I don’t know who it is so I don’t answer it. The number keeps messaging me asking who I am and is making threats to report me”?

I have had the same number for years and years. She has my number she knows who it belongs to.

OP posts:
JulianFawcettMP · 08/10/2025 00:15

You have been neither stalked nor harassed

Hayley1256 · 08/10/2025 00:15

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 08/10/2025 00:13

Ok thank you. It would be a bit odd to lie though wouldn't it because next time I see or speak to her I am going to ask her about it.

Show quote history

It would be unless he knew you wouldn't mention it to her and it didn't sound like you were going to. I am a naturally suspicious person though (although oddly very trusting).

CrispsPlease · 08/10/2025 00:16

So, you haven't seen your MIL for two years ? Because surely if you had seen her she'd mention calling you and you not answering?

This isn't making sense to me.

Original poster
TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 08/10/2025 00:17

CrispsPlease · 08/10/2025 00:16

So, you haven't seen your MIL for two years ? Because surely if you had seen her she'd mention calling you and you not answering?

This isn't making sense to me.

I have seen her and no it makes no sense to me either.

OP posts:
Daygloboo · 08/10/2025 00:18

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 07/10/2025 22:51

Am I being unreasonable?

For months I have had a series of missed calls from a mobile number. I usually block any spam calls or my phone blocks them automatically. I will also Google numbers and if they are obviously spam I will block them. This number was not obviously spam

For reference I work in a building with little to no signal. I have tried to dial this number back when I get out of work as it was not obviously a spam number. It has never answered! I have sent numerous texts after calls asking who it was and threatening to report them.

Today I had a medical appointment and so I was at home but in the shower. The number called and I messaged it. I told.my husband went to my appointment and thought not much further about it today (because I temporarily lost my vision due to medical appointment). Tonight, I realised my husband had messaged me asking for the number so I sent it to him.

He has replied saying it is his mother!

I know she can read texts.
I have a different mobile number saved for her.
Why would she never mention it or have given me her new mobile number?

For months I thought it may have been one of any number of people I have had to take disciplinary action with. Due to the line of work I am in that is a common occurrence.

I cannot believe the number belongs to my mother in law and has effectively made me feel stalked and harassed for an excessive number of months.

AIBU?

I am angry, hurt confused and upset. My husband has brushed it off.

Sorry I dont understand. What, you mean she calls you and rings off when you answer and doesnt say anything?

Franpie · 08/10/2025 00:18

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 08/10/2025 00:15

I have had the same number for years and years. She has my number she knows who it belongs to.

Show quote history

But if she’s changed her number and presumably, phone, don’t you think it’s possible that there’s may be some sort of mix up? That something has gone wrong within her contacts on her phone?

I think that’s more plausible than her stalking and harassing you. Especially as she doesn’t know that you’ve been clueless about her new number. It would be safe to assume that she thinks you have her new number as her son has it.

Original poster
TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 08/10/2025 00:20

Franpie · 08/10/2025 00:18

But if she’s changed her number and presumably, phone, don’t you think it’s possible that there’s may be some sort of mix up? That something has gone wrong within her contacts on her phone?

I think that’s more plausible than her stalking and harassing you. Especially as she doesn’t know that you’ve been clueless about her new number. It would be safe to assume that she thinks you have her new number as her son has it.

Show quote history

No. I don't think that this is plausible for a second. She uses her mobile to get numbers to dial off the landline. She knows my number.

OP posts:
JustCabbaggeLooking · 08/10/2025 00:43

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 08/10/2025 00:20

No. I don't think that this is plausible for a second. She uses her mobile to get numbers to dial off the landline. She knows my number.

Show quote history

I agree. I don't think any of this is plausible.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 08/10/2025 00:46

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 08/10/2025 00:20

No. I don't think that this is plausible for a second. She uses her mobile to get numbers to dial off the landline. She knows my number.

Show quote history

This still isn't stalking though.

saraclara · 08/10/2025 00:46

I don't get why you think she made anonymous calls to intimidate or scare you. She had a new number and gave it to your DH. I imagine she assumed that he'd pass it on to you.

So when she was calling you, she'd expect you to know it was her. So how dioesthat fit in with her deliberately stalking and scaring you?

DoYouReally · 08/10/2025 00:47

Harassed and Stalked? Couldn't be further from the truth. Talk about a dramatic version of events.

Abouttoblow · 08/10/2025 00:49

Why didn't you block this number that you felt was stalking and harassing you after the first few times? Rather then let it go on for two years?

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 08/10/2025 00:54

But you've said that she called fewer times than once a month.
That's not stalking.

Original poster
TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 08/10/2025 00:58

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 08/10/2025 00:54

But you've said that she called fewer times than once a month.
That's not stalking.

With all due respect that isn’t what I said

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 08/10/2025 01:01

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 08/10/2025 00:58

With all due respect that isn’t what I said

Show quote history

You said:

Every month sometimes more than once a month. There was a couple.of months with zero calls but not once a year, no.

That says to me that she's called fewer times than once a month, for two years.
So maybe 20 times in two years.

Which isn't stalking.

SnowFrogJelly · 08/10/2025 01:06

Doesn’t sound like stalking..

HeddaGarbled · 08/10/2025 01:07

Missed calls (on both sides) approx once a month doesn’t really seem to be stalking or harassing to me. Incompetence, stubbornness, silliness, but not malevolence, IMO.

Original poster
TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 08/10/2025 01:10

HeddaGarbled · 08/10/2025 01:07

Missed calls (on both sides) approx once a month doesn’t really seem to be stalking or harassing to me. Incompetence, stubbornness, silliness, but not malevolence, IMO.

I am not incompetent.

OP posts:
Manxexile · 08/10/2025 01:12

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 07/10/2025 23:01

It has gone on for 24 months. I have tried to call back. Calls always occur when I am in work where I dont get singal. She is retired and glued to her phone because she is always talking on it.

Show quote history

It's been going on for 24 months and only now has your husband looked at the number to check it?

And did he never think to tell you that his mother had got a new number?

Original poster
TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 08/10/2025 01:15

Manxexile · 08/10/2025 01:12

It's been going on for 24 months and only now has your husband looked at the number to check it?

And did he never think to tell you that his mother had got a new number?

Show quote history

Obviously not. I only mentioned it today

OP posts:
Gatekeeper · 08/10/2025 01:39

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 08/10/2025 01:10

I am not incompetent.

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The irony...

HelenaWaiting · 08/10/2025 01:41

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 08/10/2025 01:10

I am not incompetent.

Show quote history

Maybe not. But you are a Drama Queen.

confusedlady10 · 08/10/2025 01:53

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 08/10/2025 00:17

I have seen her and no it makes no sense to me either.

Show quote history

This is obviously a silly question that I may have clearly missed but did you bring it up with her when you saw her?

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