Mother in Law has been stalking and harassing me

[TheRealHousewifeofCheshire]

Am I being unreasonable?

For months I have had a series of missed calls from a mobile number. I usually block any spam calls or my phone blocks them automatically. I will also Google numbers and if they are obviously spam I will block them. This number was not obviously spam

For reference I work in a building with little to no signal. I have tried to dial this number back when I get out of work as it was not obviously a spam number. It has never answered! I have sent numerous texts after calls asking who it was and threatening to report them.

Today I had a medical appointment and so I was at home but in the shower. The number called and I messaged it. I told.my husband went to my appointment and thought not much further about it today (because I temporarily lost my vision due to medical appointment). Tonight, I realised my husband had messaged me asking for the number so I sent it to him.

He has replied saying it is his mother!

I know she can read texts.
I have a different mobile number saved for her.
Why would she never mention it or have given me her new mobile number?

For months I thought it may have been one of any number of people I have had to take disciplinary action with. Due to the line of work I am in that is a common occurrence.

I cannot believe the number belongs to my mother in law and has effectively made me feel stalked and harassed for an excessive number of months.

AIBU?

I am angry, hurt confused and upset. My husband has brushed it off.

That is so weird. I must say I’d be inclined to block the number!

This isn’t stalking. She forgot she hadn’t given you her new number and called you once a month or less. You’re being very dramatic.

I find your behaviour bizarre rather than hers but hey you will disagree because your so busy with work apparently can't take the time to do more than search numbers and block them or whatever. Clearly you don't want a relationship with her you don't put yourself out there so not sure why it's bothering you

I don't really think that this rises to the level of stalking or harassment. I probably would have blocked the number a long time ago if it was bothering me. But at this point I guess you can update your contacts?

I think the most sensible approach to this would be to call your MIL on her landline and ask in a light hearted manner, why she never told you she’d changed her mobile number. Better still, see her in person.

“ Hi MIL, I’ve been getting these daily phone calls for 2 years and unable to reply coz they always ring when I’m at work. I’ve not been able to suss who it is and thought I was being stalked !!( laughs).
DS says it’s your number.”

Then play it all down a bit as if you’re assuming she’s a bit of an old technophobe who might need help working her phone.

You've specified that sometimes there was more than one call per month, which suggests that most of the time it was just one call a month! And some months she didn't call at all! This is such a non-issue, and so far from being either stalking or harassment. I don't think most people would even notice this honestly!

Not replying to the message asking who it is is a bit weird but some people just dont like messaging or just forget.

Such a dramatic title. You could have just written "I get a missed call around once a month and dont know who it is". I bet anyone who has actually been stalked or harrassed is not very happy about your title!

The really weird thing about this is that you never answer her calls (for various reasons) but when you can’t get hold of her because she doesn’t answer the phone you call it harrassment.

It’s strange behaviour on her part yes but why did you keep texting and calling the number for 24 months? I would have blocked it ages ago and forgotten about it.

Have you spoken to a therapist about these kinds of paranoid thoughts?

Yeah right. Two years of calls and you never once asked your dh… seriously?

if you’re that bothered, sent her a final text to scare/shock her then just block the number.

You have the patience of a saint.
I’d have blocked her after the 2nd missed call & 1st ignored text! 😂

Id have blocked it after 2 calls. Might I suggest speaking to her about it when you next have a conversation?

You have only got your DH’s word that it’s his mum’s new number and the fact he wants to brush it under the carpet raises red flags. I’d be calling MIL on landline to check, because I wonder if it’s a number for someone else that your DH is covering for…

You haven’t answered any of the questions asking you what your relationship with your MIL is like.

I don’t understand why you haven’t already phoned her to ask about the calls you’ve just discovered were from her, instead of spending all this time writing and answering MN posts.

One possibility is that she phones you accidentally, though I agree that wouldn’t explain why she doesn’t respond to your texts (assuming she is au fait with texts).

Every single time your phone has rung with this number, you haven’t been able to answer it for two years?

I would just store the number under your mil’s name and message your mil now and say, “Hi mil. Hope all is well. Chat later.”

I don’t think this counts as harassment. A bit odd, yes.

I think it’s your behaviour that’s odd.

I think your behaviour is more odd than hers, to be honest.

Then you can’t have truly been feeling ‘harassed’.

I think it is offensive for you to label this as ‘stalking and harassment’ and must seem awful for anyone who has genuinely been a victim of such crimes.

I think you are either being a DQ or are making the whole thing up.

But the calls aren't daily, more like monthly ...

Obviously not. I only mentioned it today found out last night at 9pm. I ahe not seen her since

Not stalking and harassment. What us your relationship like with your MIL?

How often do you see her? Are you only asking ‘who is this?’ when you get a missed call and is that every time?

YABU for branding approx 1 missed call a month “stalking and harassment”, and also for not just blocking thr number if it was bothering you

I agree.

You've been asked by a few posters what your relationship is like with MIL, you've pointedly not answered it. Why is that?