Is this acceptable in the workplace?

[Middleware]

In a group Teams chat someone has posted asking for some work to be done. Some one (male) has responded that ‘the queue for that is longer than the one for Bonnie Blue’.

Another woman on the chat has pulled him up for this saying it’s an unacceptable comment.

Is this acceptable? My gut is telling me this is not reasonable but I would like to formalize in my head why it isn’t. Misogynistic? Inappropriate reference to porn on a work chat?

Fwiw the bloke is a bit of a twit and the woman is highly respected but known for being a bit prickly

YABU = this is acceptable
YANBU = this is unacceptable

The questions on this forum get sillier and sillier 🤦‍♀️

I refuse to believe that as a (presumably) professional woman, you don't know the answer to this one OP.

I don't think talking about a prostitute for no relevant reason in the workplace is acceptable, no. He was clearly trying to be funny but obviously must be a perv/misogynist if he's got that kind of imagery floating around the top of his mind, seemingly at all times.

It's unprofessional to even admit you know who Bonnie Blue is!

I had to google it! I didn’t know what the comment referred to until my colleague raised it

It's the kind of comment that if said between co-workers in the break room, you could call it out but not go further, but once it's in a group situation, especially written down, it crosses over from inappropriate social comment to completely unacceptable work related misdemeanor.

Its utterly inappropriate. I find it pretty astonishing that you feel you have to ask.

Hell no
Wtf is wrong with him

Ok full disclosure here. It was me who called him out in it. In public, on the chat.

I don’t know if I should have approached it privately.

He has responded to my comment with a Poo emoji and is now on leave for a couple of weeks so I can’t just speak to him.

Reading this back it all sounds so ridiculous.

But I have of late been made to feel that I am ‘difficult’ at work since a takeover and a major restructure. The man in question has caused me problems by damaging my reputation with his senior management.

3 of the other men on the chat have PM’d me to make it clear they are shocked by his comment.

I am unsure whether to take it further, or whether this will just provide proof that I am a troublemaker.

So I am trying to be crystal clear in my own head quite why it’s unacceptable and to be sure that it’s not just because I find him deeply ineffective and unprofessional generally.

A poo emoji? Is he 5!

Quite 🙄

I am obsessed with your description of yourself being 'well respected but known for being a bit prickly' 😄😄😄

Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest - it’s a simile related to a very well known news story (I can’t fathom how you’ve never heard of her…) which was all over mainstream media.
It’s people like you who give women a bad name and mean that real sexism and misogyny is easily dismissed.

He sounds like a prick generally though with his response.

He sounds a complete knob. You're right to complain. And those other men who say in private that they're shocked, they should call him out publicly to support you.

It’s ‘unprofessional’ to suggest you have heard of someone who had four Guardian stories written about her in the last 3 months? Don’t be so ridiculous.

I think it’s a fair assessment of my middle aged self since I started to give less of a fuck what they think of me

It’s people like you who give women a bad name and mean that real sexism and misogyny is easily dismissed.

this is my concern. I have fought many battles in the past for equal pay, part time rights etc. I don’t know if this is a fight I want to engage in.

Probably best left alone having expressed my disapproval.

No judgement here girl, youre doing amazing 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

Its not funny but its true. Theres no greater misogynist that BB herself.

It's a gross comment in a professional setting, as a woman, I would find it demeaning to hear a man speak like that around colleagues especially other men

I find this the most frustrating part. Why did they all message you privately? Why couldn't they have shown you some support publicity, especially when dickhead responded with a poo emoji like a child. I'd be tempted to ask them to be more visible in their support

Thank you for your considered response which comes through in all of your posts (with the fact that it made you uncomfortable and you are trying to figure out whether you are unreasonable). I’m assuming you are not a ‘modern feminist’ for whom sex work is work so it isn’t in anyway misogynistic to mention a woman who is following her chosen career…..
Also I would just do an eye roll at fairly harmless comments like this and keep your powder dry for the important stuff. This guy does seem like the sort to suggest that an uptight women ‘needs a good shag’ for example.

Absolutely pathetic. And deeply unprofessional. Who the fuck sends a shit emoji as the sole response to a work performance concern?!

Of course it’s unacceptable to make jokes about sex work and pornography at work. Even mentioning a popular porn star/ sex worker by name is inappropriate at work.

Its an offensive remark.

It was meant to be a bit of a light-hearted joke, that part. But OP did say she had to Google her!

Even if it wasn’t misogynistic (which it is) it’s highly unprofessional