Is this acceptable in the workplace?

[Middleware]

In a group Teams chat someone has posted asking for some work to be done. Some one (male) has responded that ‘the queue for that is longer than the one for Bonnie Blue’.

Another woman on the chat has pulled him up for this saying it’s an unacceptable comment.

Is this acceptable? My gut is telling me this is not reasonable but I would like to formalize in my head why it isn’t. Misogynistic? Inappropriate reference to porn on a work chat?

Fwiw the bloke is a bit of a twit and the woman is highly respected but known for being a bit prickly

YABU = this is acceptable
YANBU = this is unacceptable

A news story about porn. It would be equally inappropriate if he made a joke about the young boy killed in a car crash, the recent antisemitic attacks etc. being in the news doesn’t make it work appropriate.

Yes take it further it sounds as if he already is damaging your work reputation. You need to be strategic. Lodge a silent note on his HR file about sex discrimination so that you have something up your sleeve should you need it later. And next time do the same instead of calling him out. Calling him out puts yourself at risk whereas providing HR an audit trail of every time he acts like a nob gives you protection if things get difficult.

If you honestly think making a joke about a very successful women who chooses to have sex with hundreds of men is in the same category as making a joke about car crash or terrorist victims then there’s nothing more to say.

Yes I think that is the problem here - not the initial comment…

Good for you to call out his grim porn comparison.

And his reply of "shit" 100% makes it a HR issue.

You dont have to make a "big deal" of it email his manager with the screen shots and ask him/her to deal with the matter.

You owe him exactly nothing if he has been playing poiltic with your work reputation.

His role is to give you an actual time line or to say its only going to be a deliverable if someone more senior decided that it gets to skip the que.

He was being unprofessional - both in his comment and then the poo emoji. The fact that 3 other men have messaged you with support says it all.
It maybe worth getting this put 'on file', as there is some history between you and it gets to a stage where it can't be ignored.
Individually, certain comments and behaviour can be brushed off, but when it keeps happening it's part of a bigger issue and needs addressing.

Oh god I hope you didn’t google that on your work phone / computer!!

I don’t think many people aspire to Bonnie Blue’s career, to be honest. Though apparently you do. Nowt so queer as folk.

It's good you called him out on it (and the others should have done that as well rather than message you privately) but I wouldn't take it further than that unless he repeatedly makes statements like that in spite of having been asked not to previously. You gave him a warning and told him it wasnt appropriate now give him a chance to learn this lesson (given his response I doubt he will...). I don't think we should crucify people for making one off stupid comments. He just mentioned a porn star. Yes, inappropriate in the work place and he probably is sexist but there isn't enough of substance in what he said to pin him down on anything concrete.

Also, it sounds like you have a list of more serious grievances against him. Honestly, I think if you complain about something comparatively trivial now it will make your other complaints less impactful.

Yes try shame the OP for the sexism and misogyny displayed by the man who is old enough to know better.

Could you clearly explain why it was a sexist and misogynistic comment please?

As usual, the woman who finds herself in this situation caused by a man is the one who feels bad about her response. There's a bloke at my work who is using the company private messaging to attempt to flirt with me, is always looking at my linked in page, has requested to follow me on Instagram, and blatantly asked if I'm married the other day, as if it's any of his business, and I am batting it all off politely/ignoring it. But I still have to work with him, so am constantly going over it in my mind do I report this? Do I speak to him directly? Do I totally ignore his messages, ignore him when I see him in the kitchen, and block him on Instagram and look like a snarky knob??? I understand your problem OP, which way do you go? Do we as women have to just put up with it and keep quiet because it's just banter? Or do we call it out and look like a moany woman who can't take a joke/misguided compliment? It's infuriating.

She set out to be rich and famous and she has achieved that. That’s what successful means. I don’t aspire to be Donald Trump either but would still consider him a ‘successful’ politician.

But the situations are not in anyway similar. In your case a man is indulging in sexual harassment. In the Ops he made a comment about a woman who earns her living doing sex work - I don’t see how that affects or has any link to the OP in any way.

I think I'm actually more shocked by the poo emoji than by the comment itself (that I also find inappropriate)

Good on you for standing up OP.

Its about a prostitution so which is the OP?

The prostitute being abused?

Or abuser engaged in the rape of the prostitute?

@Gymrabbit It's more a general situation where you have been made to feel uncomfortable or embarrassed in your job in any way, but you daren't rock the boat by calling it out as you have to go to work every day with that other person.

my very first ‘proper job’ when I was 17 in a major call centre it was drilled into us that some topics aren’t appropriate for work - sex, religion, politics etc because they evoke strong emotions, can easily offend and lead to arguments. This would fall under that banner. What he said and his response was immature, sexist and likely to provoke a negative reaction from at least one of the audience he made it to, so it was not appropriate for a professional communication, it was also a shining example of stupidity to put it all in writing, in a group setting in a work system that is backed up, and audit logged.

I get what you are saying but I don’t see why anyone would feel
uncomfortable just at the mention of a prostitute when it’s not directed at anyone.

In what way is a woman who is willingly engaging in sex with men being raped?
You are being incredibly offensive towards rape victims here in suggesting Bonnie Blue is one.

I don’t disagree with any of this apart from it being sexist.

I thought it was funny…. I’ll see myself out.

And the comment wasn’t directed at the OP, it was a general comment.
if you asked a question and someone replied ‘is the pope catholic’ or ‘do bears shit in the woods’ do you get offended that they are calling you catholic or a bear?

Do you know, I would have said I'd have laughed at the Bonnie Blue comment - until I read your post @PotassiumPermanganate
You make very good points.

I think it was an ill-judged comment but I don't know that it's either deeply unprofessional or misogynistic. The fact is that there IS a long queue for BB. It would be different if he'd said that he would be in the queue.
I'm actually more shocked by the fact that he thought a poo emoji was an acceptable workplace response to a concern from a colleague - however unreasonable he felt that concern to be.