Is this acceptable in the workplace?

[Middleware]

In a group Teams chat someone has posted asking for some work to be done. Some one (male) has responded that ‘the queue for that is longer than the one for Bonnie Blue’.

Another woman on the chat has pulled him up for this saying it’s an unacceptable comment.

Is this acceptable? My gut is telling me this is not reasonable but I would like to formalize in my head why it isn’t. Misogynistic? Inappropriate reference to porn on a work chat?

Fwiw the bloke is a bit of a twit and the woman is highly respected but known for being a bit prickly

YABU = this is acceptable
YANBU = this is unacceptable

I think it’s inappropriate to bring sexual banter into a group setting like that. And I’m glad you spoke up op.

What a shame the men who were appalled didn’t have the guts to speak up as well and left you out to dry.

Yeah, that part is worse. I mean the initial comment could be bearable (though tasteless) if said in the canteen on break, and the person wasn't an arsehole, but in the context it seems worse. Then the shit emoji kind of says it all about this bloke's mentality.

I think it’s in inappropriate for a work chat as it’s bringing sex into the workplace. If that makes anyone uncomfortable then that then becomes sexual harassment. He was likely trying to get a laugh.

it’s the next bit that makes it even worse - the poo emoji. Very disrespectful and childish.

i would have a word with his line manager.

"3 of the other men on the chat have PM’d me to make it clear they are shocked by his comment"
Ask them to put their money where there mouth is. "Hi Matt, thanks for your message, it means a lot. If you'd be willing to support me in the group chat (emoji, message) I'd really appreciate that." - or ask them to join a collective complaint to HR.

Screenshot everything, including the emoji!

Nice hand waving

Which is the OP?

The prostitute being abused?

Or abuser engaged in the abuse of the prostitute?

Are you quite well?

Regardless of whether you think the comment was inappropriate, just because he made the comment in a general forum does not mean he was comparing the OP to a prostitute or her clients and the OP did not suggest as such.

He was just joking, stop being so uptight, hardly a sackable offence

Same 🙈 it certainly wouldn’t occur to me to “call him out” or complain about it.

It is not the worst thing to say. Likely thinks he is the funniest guy in the workplace and is attempting to be funny and relevant. Sounds as though he is a bit David Brent. Most people are cringing rather than laughing I imagine.

This. Make sure you include the men's PMs supporting you, that shows you are not being overly sensitive. Cowards they are though, the sexist man would have listen more to a man so it's a pity none of them said anything. Share the screenshots with the sexist's line manager and ask them to tell him this is sexual harassment and is not acceptable in the workplace. These kind of microaggressions build an atmosphere that is unwelcoming to women and affect the bottomline when talented individuals leave the company because of this atmosphere. Companies need to nip them in the bud before they become more serious.

DH complained on the chat about a gif one of his male colleagues posted in a group chat because it was sexist and inappropriate for work, when the person responsible said 'oh it's no big deal' several of the women on the chat said 'actually it is, it makes us feel uncomfortable'.

Literally wouldn’t bat an eyelid if that was said in my workplace.

I think you were 100% in the right to call him out on this. Particularly if I have understood correctly that he is senior and there were more junior people in the chat.

If he had been junior himself (and I was senior), I may have spoken to him privately and asked him to delete the comment.

His response to your comment further validates your response.

It’s 2025 - introducing sexual references into a chat about workflows/deadlines is not acceptable. I actually don’t think it has been for quite some time

Yes it’s a knobbish comment but one that I’d find it quite straightforward to call it out and tell him to save those jokes for any likeminded friends not in the workplace. I wouldn’t complain to the company though-not unless it was repeated and/or personal. I’d save that for something serious. I think your instincts are right.

It’s the context too though - and the poo emoji. Totally disrespectful and impacts more than that one moment.

As a bloke I think what your colleague is doing is completely wrong, and it's disgusting that women have to put up with his sort of thing.
I also think that the BB comment is hilarious, and I can't see how the two are remotely related?
To my mind the BB comment isn't about sex in itself, it's a reference to a very long queue.

FFS he didn't call OP Bonnie Blue

And calling Bonnie Blue an abuse victim is ... a choice

A very long queue…to have sex with the same woman as 100 other men. Would it be work-appropriate to say ‘The queue for that is longer than the queue at a brothel!’ or ‘The queue for that is longer than the queue to shag [insert celebrity name]!’ I’d say it wouldn’t be, and therefore this is the same just more subtly coded.

You just said you had to Google who she is, so you didn't actually get what he meant, it went right over your head. Did you use your work laptop to Google her 🤣 this might come back to bite you...!

Personally I wouldn't get worked up about it, I'd have probably laughed and thought well I wouldn't have written that in the work chat, but then again I'm not out to get my colleagues, you clearly are. If it was a remark directed at you then fair enough, but it wasn't.

All those men did was covered their backs .

I'd be more pissed off at the shit emoji to be honest, I'm not sure referencing queues for a porn star frequently in mainstream news, topic of conversation on chat shows and the subject of a documentary is misogynistic/sexist - surely it's just a topical joke and whether it's in the wrong forum wholly depends on the workplace or team? Is it generally a workplace that's jokey, and others make similar comments and get away with them but he doesn't because you don't like him? Are you superior to him or on the same level?

I have a colleague that would probably describe herself similarly to you, problem being she's nothing but a bully who has actually raised her voice to shout at several colleagues either below, on the same level or superior to her. I can see there being a real chance she loses her job in the next couple of years if it continues. Be careful this isn't your reality too.

This wouldn’t have bothered me either, given the prominence given to Bonnie Blue’s behaviour in the mainstream media. As @Wordsmitherysays, there was a long queue for her, so it was probably a fairly apt comparison, if not a very tasteful one.

It’s certainly not something I would have said myself, but I don’t see it as either unprofessional or misogynistic.

I don’t really understand emojis and people seem to use them to mean different things. I have no idea whether the poo emoji means “oh shit. I shouldn’t have said that” or “you’re a shit for calling me out” or “oh dear, I’m in the shit now”. I’d have thought that it could mean any of those things and only the second one would bother me.

It’s a workplace. He should have apologised and been accountable, being a good model to junior staff. Not used a silly pic.

Bollocks to that. It is real misogyny and you're right to call it out. You can guarantee there were some less prickly middle aged women in your chat who wanted to but are conditioned to being "nice".

Well done for calling him out.

His comment was totally inappropriate and so was the poo emoji...