Is this acceptable in the workplace?

[Middleware]

In a group Teams chat someone has posted asking for some work to be done. Some one (male) has responded that ‘the queue for that is longer than the one for Bonnie Blue’.

Another woman on the chat has pulled him up for this saying it’s an unacceptable comment.

Is this acceptable? My gut is telling me this is not reasonable but I would like to formalize in my head why it isn’t. Misogynistic? Inappropriate reference to porn on a work chat?

Fwiw the bloke is a bit of a twit and the woman is highly respected but known for being a bit prickly

YABU = this is acceptable
YANBU = this is unacceptable

Personally, I’d refer it to HR and hope he gets a disciplinary for his grossly offensive comments, inc. Poo emoji.

Until all the senior women stand up together and loudly shout ‘ENOUGH’, this sexist crap will continue well into the next century!

I’m still waiting for someone to explain why a reference to a prostitute is sexist/misogynistic rather than just inappropriate for the workplace.
Maybe you can oblige me rather than throwing insults at a woman just because she doesn’t agree with you.

I think most people with any knowledge of the world recognise that this girl is in a very bad place and isn’t making decisions that are in her best interests at all. It’s a really sad situation, and men using it as a jokey reference point are pretty gross.

I would consider somebody like Bonnie blue to be vulnerable. In my opinion, her behaviour is hardly what we would call normal and the men who engaged in sexual activities with her are deeply unpleasant if they can’t see that her behaviour probably comes from some deep seated insecurity, in one way or another. I would absolutely argue that it is inappropriate to use the “just because she’s a prostitute” argument because that demonises prostitutes and prostitution and that’s just awful.
I suppose I put it in the same bracket as suggesting that the queue is as long as it is for biological women hoping to find a single sex toilet that hasn’t been invaded by non-biological women.
I’m not asking everybody to agree with me; perhaps I’m too old and this is just modern humour. It certainly isn’t the humour of my children but perhaps that’s because I am their mother and we’ve discussed this sort of sexualisation of women to try to encourage debate and support for marginalised and vulnerable people in society.
There isn’t really an awful lot of point in discussing this because clearly my standards are different from yours and that doesn’t make either of us right or wrong. Also, clearly I am not an expert, I only have the knowledge of my own workplace training which would have considered that comment to be inappropriate.
Within the law we have the right to live by different standards because we live in a democracy and I am eternally grateful for that.

I voted YABU but might change my mind after hearing about the poo emoji. He's just childish.

Sometimes I think society has gone a bit too far with curtailing humour, and initially I thought this might be one of those cases, but it depends on the work environment and whether it's a casual, jokey sort of place. The poo emoji is making me think he's just juvenile and not good at reading the room.

If you're called up on it, you'll have to phrase with your superiors that you don't want any porn or sex jokes in the workplace, as it makes you uncomfortable.

It doesn't matter if its misogynistic or not or even if other people would be bothered by the comment - it's inappropriate for the workplace. He had an opportunity to retract his post and apologise for this but instead posted a shit emoji, which is utterly ridiculous.
I would take this further.

He didn't assign OP ANY role as a prostitute ffs

He equated the eagerness for people to di a certain job with the line of 1000 men

I don’t think I’d have been personally offended by it but yes, it’s definitely inappropriate.

I think someone would have to be pretty daft not to realise why name-checking porn stars, and alluding to the specifics of their work, is best avoided in professional conversations.

It’s neither sexist nor misogynistic as a comparison, and I certainly think it’s at the lowest end of the scale of workplace inappropriateness, but porn stars and their work aren’t a suitable reference for an office Teams chat.

Thank you - I don’t necessarily agree with you but I understand your reasoning.
you are suggesting that she is a vulnerable female victim and therefore making a joke about her is misogynistic.

I remember when I was in the office in my previous job, someone had put a note on one of the vending machines highlighting the cost saying 'even Dick Turpin wore a mask!' it was removed, but whether they were reprimanded or not I don't know. At least I knew where the Dick Turpin comment came from, but Bonnie Blue I had to google. Its not in the best of tastes, but I wouldn't have pulled him up for it.

Inappropriate
Referencing prostitution in the work place is inappropriate and also sexist and misogynistic- because the Bonnie Blue situation is sexist and misogynistic.
Prostitution is sexist and misogynistic. Women are most likely to be vulnerable in prostitution.

It objectifies a woman in front of other women- his colleagues.

Referencing the standard visual depiction of an early 18th century highwayman and antihero isn’t really the name as bringing up the topic of a porn star’s filmed gangbangs.

Personally, I wouldn't have batted an eyelid at this comment.

I do think generally we've got a little too sensitive and need to get back to just getting on with our lives without worrying over daft little comments.

I hate the way that using terms like "handmaiden" to insult women who don't agree with you is ok but "Karen" isn't...

Funny that a personal attack and slurs are all you have got to post when asked a simple question about the context he used.

You claimed you would have no problem with his conduct.

Why are you now so bashful when asked about the two roles he opted to use?

Which role he assigned the OP in his simile when asked for the time line for the deliverable?

It’s people like you who give women a bad name and mean that real sexism and misogyny is easily dismissed.

This ^ was you dismissing the comment as within the bounds of professional conduct not sexist nor misogyny.

So which role is the OP assigned in his simile?
The prostitute being abused?

Or abuser engaged in the abuse of the prostitute?

HR for me this. It's appalling

I don’t think it’s misogynistic but interesting that’s his brain’s go-to reference and says a lot about him. It’s fairly mainstream media but I’d be asking for teams to be kept as a professional channel. Definitely not appropriate - from fellow prickly woman with no tolerance of bs from either of the sexes.

So which role is the OP assigned in his simile?
The prostitute being abused?

Neither.

Sorry - who is Bonnie Blue?

Office twit in any case would be wiser to use references that are likely to chime with more than (guess) half his target audience.

It's a slightly crass throw-away comment, about someone who is - let's face it - part of pop culture right now while she's having her five minutes of fame. She has documentaries on mainstream TV, she's all over social media, constantly in the news. It's hardly some seedy reference that only perverts would get.

It might be ill advised in some working environments but yes, if you run off to get him in trouble you will only reinforce your reputation.

It is directed at two groups

1. the person who asked for the work to be done - is effectively compared to someone who queues up for a sex worker. Designed to make them look stupid in front of their collegues, by comparing a reasonable question to a ridiculous situation that "everyone" understands. And the commentator wanted to make himself look worldly wise and knowing.

and
2) The person/or whole team who were asked to do the work - actually two insults here... the person/team and the queue of people for their workload, ridiculed and compared to a famous sex worker and their clients and a commentary on teans lack of efficiency in dealing with their work load.

I can't see why there would be such an outcry in saying that the comment was inappropriate in the work place. It clearly is.

Responding to a colleagues remark about this "Bantz" with a poo emoji just illustrates the unprofessional and derogatory mind set of the Commentator.

If he had any brains, he could have just texted Sorry, no offence intended it was just a joke but I understand that you thought it was in appropriate and will be more careful in future.

Would that really have killed this geezer? Instead he's leaving a written trail of dodgy comments, so he's a dumbass as well.

Completely inappropriate. I’d screenshot it and send it to HR.

Don’t be that person, you’ve said your piece if there is more of it escalate but running to hr is just embarrassing,

I think the fact that you called him out, he posted a poo making himself look even more of a tit, and that your colleagues are backing you are enough. I wouldn't personally be interested in creating a complaint over this right now, but I would take a screen shot and file it away in case you need it in the future (e.g. to show sexism or harassment in your workplace). Just my opinion.