Is this acceptable in the workplace?

[Middleware]

In a group Teams chat someone has posted asking for some work to be done. Some one (male) has responded that ‘the queue for that is longer than the one for Bonnie Blue’.

Another woman on the chat has pulled him up for this saying it’s an unacceptable comment.

Is this acceptable? My gut is telling me this is not reasonable but I would like to formalize in my head why it isn’t. Misogynistic? Inappropriate reference to porn on a work chat?

Fwiw the bloke is a bit of a twit and the woman is highly respected but known for being a bit prickly

YABU = this is acceptable
YANBU = this is unacceptable

I'm slightly confused on the timeline.

He said the thing about Bonnie Blue.
You didn't know who that was.
Did a colleague then say it was inappropriate? Or are you referring to yourself after you looked it up?
You called him out publicly
He sent you a poo emoji (privately or to the whole chat?)
Others have messaged you privately to say they agree with you, but haven't joined you in calling him out publicly?
He's now on annual leave

Yes, it was inappropriate, unprofessional. But it also sounds like you might have gone to lengths to catch him out. Is there more history there?

Good luck with that! Will have the same jocking effect in friendly work environment and you don't have to post specifics about some random porn stuff.
He is the one wrong.

It’s interesting that many have assumed he’s senior to me. We have different reporting structures and line management so I don’t know who is considered the most ‘senior’.

I am paid about double what he is FWIW.

OK workplace cultures can differ, but in the places I have worked any sex reference on a work chat would be considered inappropriate and unprofessional. I certainly don't want to see or hear that kind of thing at work.

Referring to porn is not appropriate for work, but someone who thinks using the poo emoji at work is appropriate is probably too immature to ever admit that.

I agree. It was just a dumb comment.

You called him out on it. He knows he overstepped. No need to take it further unless he makes further (or has a history of making) unprofessional comments.

I completely disagree with this.

It's the broken window theory. Not calling out comments like this is how we normalise misogyny - and we absolutely should not be normalising it.

I'm not saying this is sackable behaviour, but it is something that he should be pulled up on - and preferably by a man so you aren't seen as the "hysterical woman who can't take a joke"

Oh, I did read about her - on Mumsnet! I didn't remember her name.

My goodness, it definitely was an inappropriate comment but the poo emoji takes the biscuit imo.

Unpleasant, unprofessional and immature.

I wouldn't want him sacked but he should be reprimanded. The guy needs to grow up.

Well done on calling him out. What an idiot. Talking about sex at work is always inappropriate and will make many feel uncomfortable.

That IS real sexism and misogyny. How can you (and the rest of the 15%) not see that this at best, is the thin end of the wedge and at worst is him being on his “best behaviour” so goodness knows what he’s like inside the workplace.
He needs calling out on this. Don’t you have safeguarding training in your workplace? I mine, that would be a sample of completely unacceptable behaviour.
Thise of you who think this is okay; how would you feel if your sons and partners said that to you? In my opinion, if you’d laugh it off, you have a problem with self-esteem.

Why opt for the personal attack?

Why not just answer the question?

Which role he assigned the OP in his simile when asked for the time line for the deliverable?

It’s people like you who give women a bad name and mean that real sexism and misogyny is easily dismissed.

This ^ was you dismissing the comment as within the bounds of professional conduct not sexist nor misogyny.

So which role is the OP assigned in his simile?

The prostitute being abused?

Or abuser engaged in the abuse of the prostitute?

in what way is saying that a long queue is like a long queue sexual and misogny?

I genuinely want to know as I just can’t see it.

While it wouldn’t bother me I can see how people might think it’s inappropriate to make a reference to something sexual in the work place but no one has explained in what way this comment was discriminatory to women or hateful to them.

It’s not a personal attack, I’m genuinely confused about your mental health and cognitive ability.

Three male colleagues messaged you privately...why?
Were they too spineless to back you publicly but wanted to cover themselves by messaging you privately to offer their support?
Stuff like this is so bloody sneaky and makes them look as bad IMO. When will men start calling other men out on their behaviours!

The reference to “Bonnie blue“ is what makes it sexist and misogynistic. There are far more erudite ways to make your point for example queue is longer than the great Wall of China; the queue is longer than the distance from lands end to John O’Groats; anything is better than such an appalling reference to such an appalling scenario. I’m really, really sorry that you can’t see that on your own and that is why misogynyk is becoming entrenched in the male psyche at the moment. I am too old to be nice to people and too old to put up with this sort of dribble. In the workplace it is completely unacceptable but out with their mates Maybe it’s just about bearable but I would be very disappointed if I found out that a son of mine or my partner thought that that sort of language was acceptable. It just isn’t funny on any level.

Still don’t get you. I see why it may make it inappropriate for work but why is referencing a prostitute sexist or misogynistic?

The answer ‘because she’s a prostitute’ is nonsensical.

Not entirely sure what he meant, 1) the work is very desirable and everyone will want to do it or 2) you're all very busy so it will be a long time before it gets done. Or something else entirely?

‘That sort of language’ He compared a long queue to a famously long queue…..
that’s literally all he did!

It wouldn’t be acceptable in my work place. There’s so many analogies that he could have used - the queues for the Next Sale, Oasis tickets, Boxing Day sales… but presumably he’d rather look like a member of The Inbetweeners.

My main problem with it is it makes no sense as an analogy. If it's the work that's in a queue it's the wrong way round, or was everyone queuing up to do the work (sounds unlikely)?

Unacceptable comment in the work place

ok handmaiden...

Me too! 😂
feeling like that the whole thing is a bit fishy 🧐

Totally disagree with this poster: It’s people like you who give women a bad name and mean that real sexism and misogyny is easily dismissed.

imo, it's people like OP who call out casual sexism make it clear to others (including the men in the group) that this is not acceptable - maybe it makes it easier for them all to stand up to it next time. Serious sexism and misogyny IS dismissed, but partly because of the slippery-slope. If it is always unacceptable then the boundary is clearer.