Is this acceptable in the workplace?

[Middleware]

In a group Teams chat someone has posted asking for some work to be done. Some one (male) has responded that ‘the queue for that is longer than the one for Bonnie Blue’.

Another woman on the chat has pulled him up for this saying it’s an unacceptable comment.

Is this acceptable? My gut is telling me this is not reasonable but I would like to formalize in my head why it isn’t. Misogynistic? Inappropriate reference to porn on a work chat?

Fwiw the bloke is a bit of a twit and the woman is highly respected but known for being a bit prickly

YABU = this is acceptable
YANBU = this is unacceptable

The man is a creep. When does his behaviour have consequences?

How many other people have to put up with his banter because no one wants to ‘run to HR’?

Grim. I work in a professional company and this would be seen as highly inappropriate. In your place, I’d report it to HR but every firm is different and clearly there are some on here for whom this sort of ‘banter’ (hate that word) is normal in their workplace.

And these line of 1000 men were in a line to do what?

I had to Google the name but now I know. Yes it's unprofessional. Up to you if you take it further, I wouldn't unless he did something similar again.

Op, I don’t know if you’re able to screen shot his messages, but if so, I’d do that then send them to his line manager saying something like “could you remind X that we expect a certain level of professionalism from all our staff, and this falls way below that standard”, and maybe add a link to your sexual harrassment policy / training material.

Irrelevant
The comment was about the fact there was a big queue of eager people

No one was being called a prostitute

Bonnie Blue isn’t being raped by these men. The whole thing is utterly grim BUT this comment is offensive to actual rape victims, included women trafficked and prostituted.

It is unnecessary to bring forth the spectacle of queueing to fuck a porn star in relation to anything work wise and very likely to make women in the group feel uncomfortable, which should be something to think twice about in a professional environment. Ergo displays ingrained prejudice against women. So, misogynistic. It's also dismissive to the person asking for the work to be done. If it'd be ok in your workplace good on you.

First point isn’t misogyny at all and ‘because a few women may find it unacceptable or uncomfortable’ also doesn’t mean it’s misogyny.

But I agree that in some workplaces any sort of humour which might cause the slightest bit of offence isn’t acceptable. Fortunately for me I’ve never worked anywhere like that.

I think this is exactly right. There are so many metaphors he could have used, but he chooses one that he knows will make a female colleague uncomfortable, entirely intentionally. I could have given him the benefit of the doubt if it hadn't been for the poo emoji at the end of it all. Puerile man. How attractive, eh.

I’m not sure your perspective is particularly up to date.

You were absolutely right, but those men who PMed should have supported you in the chat. You have to ask yourself why they didn’t.

It is relevant wrt the poster who decided to shame the OP and be a Ra-Ra cheerleader for prostitution.

She would not be involved or having any physical contact with any of the people involved if it were not for the money.

That is something which the male employee missed in his snigger snigger arent I a funnnnny bloke insulting reply to the OPs reasonable question on the timeline of one of his deliverables.

The other poster is saying that the comment is acceptable in a professional context:

It’s people like you who give women a bad name and mean that real sexism and misogyny is easily dismissed.

as prostitution is just like any other employment role.

Personally, I would’ve just laughed it off.

I’m genuinely not trying to be nasty, but that’s the sort of colleague that everyone dreads being around because you can’t have a laugh.

It’s a bit grim but not something I would be officially complaining about. Plus the messages from the men being supportive. I would be suspicious of them. I find men that try and be supportive of women like this usually have another agenda.

I worked in a male dominated environment for many years. I can think of some absolute shitheads that I worked with, way worse and the ones that would simp all over me. To be honest the ones that were sort of trying to be very supportive of the sisterhood got on my nerves as much as the sexist ones. They tended to be the men that would have described themselves as nice but ultimately they were the ones trying to get in your knickers.

The best indication for me if colleagues were ok were the male colleagues who would just call you mate.

It’s funny IMO but not work appropriate! Maybe something you’d say with friends but not at work!

@Middleware that you’ve said

‘3 of the other men on the chat have PM’d me to make it clear they are shocked by his comment.’

surely shows how out of order it is and you could escalate it to his manager or HR? I agree it should be called out.

Can you ask any of those men for their support if you made a complaint?

The reality is it was seriously unprofessional of him and a completely inappropriate comment for the workplace. He should be upbraided for it. Hardcore pornography jokes are unacceptable in such a setting (or any setting but definitely at work).

Surely you know the answer!

I actually think the emoji response is worse than the original comment because that's directed at you personally.

The comment would help me form an opinion of the man that wouldn't be favorable, but I'm not sure that using a metaphor regarding a well known mainstream news story is so terrible.

I choose my battles at work and this wouldn't be one of them. I'd support anyone who did feel it was worth it, though.

I’d probably have a chuckle. It’s well known who she is and what she does and we do need some lightness in the work place. It wasn’t actually offensive about anyone in the chat. It seems no one can say anything without upsetting someone these days

I mean, there’s a lot of inappropriate banter in my workplace, but not like that! It’s always things everyone genuinely finds funny, and really very very mild, but we are at work, which makes it funnier, so it’s more ‘technically’ inappropriate than actually inappropriate - it’s all stuff I’d have happily said in front of my grandma. A joke about a sex worker and the really grim situations she creates - no no no.