I got shouted at in the gym today, AIBU?

[ShakenUpandUpset]

I was at the gym today and I got shouted at twice within the space of half an hour.

The first was for entering the women’s only space (I’m a woman, albeit a short and fat one). A woman came up to me and started accusing me of not being a woman, and essentially being a man. I was in a baggy shirt but I also think I look pretty “womanly”, I have long hair, obvious boobs, I was wearing leggings and very obviously don’t have a bulge or anything like that. When I answered and said yes I was, she seemed satisfied but spent much of her time glaring at me across the room and tutting loudly whenever someone else looked at me.

it’s just left me feeling totally shaken and upset. I am a woman and I shouldn’t be questioned, I have always known I was pretty ugly but this has just confirmed it for me and I never want to go to the gym again, because what if someone else makes the same mistake but gets even more angry?

I’m sorry that happened to you. Please don’t call yourself ugly. The other woman should have been mortified when she realised her mistake. She is the ugly one.

What was the second occasion?

I’ve never looked very “feminine” (more a blob, to be honest) but over the last 14 months I’ve lost a lot of weight and I was starting to feel more comfortable with my physique. It’s just really knocked me back because she was so angry, and it’s quite scary for the next time I go

Oh, I realised it was so minor I stopped even typing it. I was using body spray in the changing room and someone shouted at me for using it in a “public space”

I'm so sorry that you went through this. It's a toxic world out there at the moment for people who don't conform to idealised standards of femininity.

The woman that did this sounds batshit. Ignore her she’s clearly cray cray

You should have reported her immediately to the gym staff for abuse. Nasty ignorant cow.

In the changing room. Where people shower, change and USE BODY SPRAY. Where is this batshit gym?

Don't spray body spray around other people, save it for home. Lots have fragrance allergies.

As for being challenged as to your sex, the other was out of order. She was deliberately making a scene. Roll your eyes at her if you see her again.

I got shouted at for using a spray. Our gym has a space that has no spray and the rest is ok. I was in the ok bit. Still got shouted at. I lways asked after that and have been looked at funny for asking. Can't win! As for the woman. Ignore that. It's her problem. She was an arse. Sometimes when people realise they are arses they lash out more, like a defense. I guess we don't know what was going on with her and her day, but you've done nothing wrong. The gym is a safe space. You are not ugly. You seem rather beautiful to me and id much rather share a space with you than these two fucktards. If it is still bothering you, tell the gym manager that no one has the right to police sections ( just because you weren't head to toe in lycra) and also to demarcate a space re spray in the changing rooms or make it a clear policy. Either way I'd share how uncomfortable you felt with them. Maybe leave and find somewhere nicer if you have somewhere closer but i would make it clear to the gym why.

I'm sort of with them for using body spray in the changing rooms, often those rooms are very enclosed with no windows so it can get a bit suffocating if everyone is doing it. However, it's also the gym. You know it's going to happen so you have to accept it really.

The other thing, shocking. You should never put yourself down like this OP. That other person was an arsehole clearly looking for an argument. If it wasn't you it would have been someone else. Do not let her put you off. Go and be proud. Even if not on this occasion, next time she sees you I bet she feels embarrassed.

I dont understand how being short makes you look like a man, she sounds unhinged. Ignore (or ask if she wants to see your boobs or something...)

As for aerosol deodorants and body sprays in a public changing room - yeah thats not cool. It's an instant trigger for an asthma attack for me personally. Lots of gyms/pools here have signs up requesting they're not used.

to be honest it sounds like a bit of a weird gym if people get so angry so easily!

I've never seen anyone shout or be shouted at in the gym and have been going to different ones all over the country for about 20 years! Even when some muppets were doing their yoga stretches on the floor of the changing room I only tutted and rolled my eyes when stepping over them!

Even if she did think a man was inappropriately in the changing room there's no reason to get aggressive. If she didn't believe you she should have escalated to staff, not stood there and glared at you.

I think people who don’t like body sprays and aerosol deodorants should go home to change.

Im so sorry OP, this must have been so hurtful even to the most thick skinned of people.
You are beautiful and never ever need to justify your presence if you know you have the right to be somewhere.
The other woman is a horrible person and her behaviour was despicable! If she's regularly at the gym during your sessions, I would most definitely report her to the manager!

I'd have put in a complaint so that they'd think twice before doing it to someone else.

I’ve just never looked “womanly” - but that’s also probably because I was huge

my gym doesn’t have this and id obviously adhere to it if I was asked not to use them, but I was stinking and just sprayed a little bit (about three sprays) so I didn’t stink on the bus home

I think it’s just been one of those weeks. It’s close to my workplace and everyone there is stressed, so I kinda tend to assume that the vast majority of people there have come from work (which could obviously be wrong), everyone seems to be on edge. So I don’t know if It was just that or what! But it’s really shaken me up

Please tell gym management that this happened. The woman sounds unhinged. I know she probably will tell you she was ‘triggered’ or some such shit, but she is completely out of order.

Well done on your weight loss. Please don’t stop using a gym, although that one may not be your place if members are like that.

And please don’t ever think you are ugly. Ugly is a state of being, not looking, and that woman who yelled at you - well she’s the ugly one here.

I’m thinking of putting in a complaint when im home. They have 24/7 CCTV because it’s unmanned for a lot of the day and I hope it was caught on that

Complain to the gym about the other woman.
Take a shower or spray outside.

I’m going to complain.

I honestly don’t know what people expect at a gym re the spray though. I’ve never been to one where they ask that you don’t spray. It wasn’t an aerosol and I didn’t spray a ton. Literally three sprays

How horrid, you are not ugly. Please don’t stop using the gym. I would mention it to staff, they should ensure customers aren’t doing this they should be asking staff for help if they think people aren’t following gym rules.

I’m going to report it when I get home. I just guess this is what I have to contend with now. I was quite excited to use the women’s only space because I am so intimidated by the other area because it’s full of men and very athletic women and I am a total beginner, but I was obviously misplaced in that

Her behaviour was by all accounts really ugly

You really shouldn’t have to miss out on going to a gym because of total arseholes like her