I got shouted at in the gym today, AIBU?

[ShakenUpandUpset]

I was at the gym today and I got shouted at twice within the space of half an hour.

The first was for entering the women’s only space (I’m a woman, albeit a short and fat one). A woman came up to me and started accusing me of not being a woman, and essentially being a man. I was in a baggy shirt but I also think I look pretty “womanly”, I have long hair, obvious boobs, I was wearing leggings and very obviously don’t have a bulge or anything like that. When I answered and said yes I was, she seemed satisfied but spent much of her time glaring at me across the room and tutting loudly whenever someone else looked at me.

it’s just left me feeling totally shaken and upset. I am a woman and I shouldn’t be questioned, I have always known I was pretty ugly but this has just confirmed it for me and I never want to go to the gym again, because what if someone else makes the same mistake but gets even more angry?

I'm unattractive, and I have found that a minority of people can be, I assume, annoyed by the sight of me and choose to target me. The only way is to stand up for yourself and don't let any such incidents make you doubt yourself.

That's awful, I'm so sorry.

What has that got to do with being anti trans? You are a woman, the other woman shouldn't have stopped you. What you wear is irrelevant. People can tell the difference between men and women FFS. Stop pretending they can't.

It isn't. It's appalling.

Would definitely inform the gym of this ladies strange behaviour, it’s unacceptable to shout at another adult for any reason so she needs to be spoken with.

also, and this is said with 15 years of fitness industry experience, 5 of which in management, I have never encountered an asthma attack triggered by aerosols in a changing room (not to say it can’t happen) nor have experienced a gym/fitness facility banning deodorant so it’s not your fault that you didn’t know… many gyms provide aerosol deodorants in their changing rooms as a complimentary product for their members.

please don’t be so hard on yourself

Except quite evidently people can’t always immediately tell the difference between men & women. The lady in OP’s gym couldn’t, the other woman in this poster’s experience couldn’t, there’s a person I work with and until they themselves referred to themselves as “she” I would never have been sure.

It’s not always obvious, that’s life.

If you really want to try a gym can I suggest something like an 'Everyone Active' type place? Far more 'normal/genuine people than posers than scrunch bum legging wearers.

You don’t have to be feminine to use a women’s only space. This woman’s behaviour was uncalled for. Please don’t blame yourself.

This ♥️

It's wrong to blame feminists for this.

If transwomen hadn't invaded opposite sex facilities in the first place, no one would have reason to doubt anyone.

Women's and girl's safety is more important than any amount of hurt feelings.

What other people? You said there was only one other person in there with you

OP, truly, this wasn't about your appearance. Two issues - 1) the myth that we can't discern sex, and 2) the forced conflation of external appearance of femininity with femaleness - are currently compounding women's insecurities. And understandably so - particularly when you're clearly a lovely person yourself, so are desperately looking for a rational explanation of why the heck someone else would have behaved this way towards you (it sounds awful).

And we can't begin to know that. But what we do know, for almost certain, is that 1) above means they were in no doubt at all that you were female (I mean seriously, how many 5 foot 3 European men have you ever seen? how many times in your life have you not been able to sex someone yourself? - for me, I think it's maybe twice?), and so 2) above is an irrelevance anyway! It simply wasn't about your appearance as a woman. It just wasn't.

It was all about shouty-woman's issues! (Maybe her own insecurities? So often the reason for bullying behaviours).

I won't post again as I don't want to derail your thread, but I desperately hope the current poisonous concept of pretty-passports for single-sex spaces will die down. It's not yet a thing, and it doesn't have to be one, unless me make it so by accepting the idea and letting it influence our thoughts and behaviour.

99.9% of the time, women can discern sex. Perhaps .1% of the time, we can't, OK. But far, far higher than that vanishingly unlikely .1% of the time is the depressingly high probability of encountering angry, insecure, bullies or total weirdos in public spaces! This was the issue here, OP. You were unlucky.

I wish you happy gym-ing in the future. You'll get back to it - you're clearly a far stronger person than me in that respect, gym-wimp that I am!

Ooh, OK, will post at least to reply - thank you! Much appreciated.

But there was NO need to shout at the OP. If scrunch bum princess the woman was genuinely concerned she could have spoken to the OP without shouting.

Obviously a short woman was mistaken for a man, as men are notoriously shorter than women on average.

What a strange day you've had OP.
We already know from previous threads that being mis gendered is apparently a daily risk for non-conforming females thanks to those pesky Terfs clarifying the law on single sex provision of services but it seems even short, long-haired, obviously female people like you are now at risk too. Who knew humans were so crap at recognizing sex? It's a miracle we ever pair up!

Blimey - i'm tall and well built with a face that could curdle milk on a bad day - I guess I better be prepared to be challenged from now on. Maybe I could wear some pink, sparkly accessories when I'm next in a public bathroom to avoid the mortifying humiliation of having to open my mouth and briefly clarify that yes I am indeed female 🙄

I don't think she said there wasn't anyone else in the gym bit, but that there's was no one else in the changing room.

How ridiculous. I’m a cis female and I guarantee anyone who shouts at me is going to have very hurt feelings.

Clearly some people can’t, since there’s at least two women on this thread who have been accused of being men.

Yes - get some bling on your pink swimsuit and make sure your trainers are pink. I wear a black Speedo swimming costume and I’m thinking I need to make it more girlie 🙄

Blimey. The one who should feel awful is that woman. To use an 80s phrase, what a wally! If she isn’t sitting at home right now cringing then she is the abnormal one. There
really are some odd people around and I’m sorry you encountered one in a place
you like going. You can hold your head high when you next head in there!

Thanks @Catiette - I’m not nasty. I’m a short, tubby middle-aged gym avoider myself and feel genuinely horrible for the OP but I hope that she can put the frankly weird overreaction of the shouty gym woman behind her and at the same time understand that for those of us who have been assaulted in spaces that should have been safe - and maybe shouty woman is one such fellow woman - it is important that we all feel we can defend our rights in this way. But preferably more tactfully and with the right glasses on, since from the descriptions, how OP got mistaken for a man is definitely a bit confounding.
And I agree this is where all the be-kinds etc have got us.

Yeah, glad we both agree that would be ridiculous and unnecessary as humans are pretty, fucking accurate at sexing other humans whatever they are wearing...which suggests misgendering is a non-issue that is being exaggerated in an attempt to undermine the completely legitimate need for single sex provision.

Brilliant 😂 Everyone can tell the difference, except the woman who stopped me, and the woman who stopped the OP. Can we all just mind our own genitals and carry on with life without a fuss. Would rather share toilets with a trans woman minding her ow business than some of the unhinged women I’ve met in toilets who think you’re a man if you aren’t wearing a short skirt and horrid fake eyelashes

Don’t let that nutty woman stop you from your health kick OP. Also Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Sounds like your confidence is low and gymming & getting in shape will help you with that, Put your head phones on and crack on.
But Maybe take a roll on , I’ve been choked out by peoples spray on anti perspirant before, but I wouldn’t shout at someone. There is no need for that . So rude.