I got shouted at in the gym today, AIBU?

[ShakenUpandUpset]

I was at the gym today and I got shouted at twice within the space of half an hour.

The first was for entering the women’s only space (I’m a woman, albeit a short and fat one). A woman came up to me and started accusing me of not being a woman, and essentially being a man. I was in a baggy shirt but I also think I look pretty “womanly”, I have long hair, obvious boobs, I was wearing leggings and very obviously don’t have a bulge or anything like that. When I answered and said yes I was, she seemed satisfied but spent much of her time glaring at me across the room and tutting loudly whenever someone else looked at me.

it’s just left me feeling totally shaken and upset. I am a woman and I shouldn’t be questioned, I have always known I was pretty ugly but this has just confirmed it for me and I never want to go to the gym again, because what if someone else makes the same mistake but gets even more angry?

I’m sorry this happened OP.
And because I can see the pushback on calling yourself ugly coming in, I want to share this video essay on lookism and the politics of ugly that I found interesting. I know people have good intentions when they tell people not to say they’re ugly but I think people forget that “ugly” is often political and the issue isn’t that people are so but rather how we see people’s humanity based on their desirability.

It can really affect people with asthma, the dusty ones are awful. Depends how it’s used ..considerate people spray under clothes to protect others (which may have been the case here)…sounds like a horrible and unacceptable experience

I’m five three (and a half!). I still think I look like a blob so that’s obviously the issue

It’s three sprays, not an aerosol and not banned? It was one other person in there, not a full room!

That's upsetting but I do wish people who use body spray in public spaces would realise it is a really bad asthma trigger for some people. I often have to change train carriages if teen boys get on after footie practise. I know they are trying to be the opposite of antisocial by making themselves smell nicer but when you can't breathe and have to gather your bags and run to the next carriage and hope you packed your inhaler, mid-attack, it's pretty hairy.

That woman was probably a MNetter who spends her life posting about women's only spaces on here.

Just what I was thinking.

I do totally understand that in places like a train, but in a gym changing room I feel like it’s to be expected?

The woman is batshit. I don’t see an issue with the body spray. Aerosol deodorants and sprays are very bog standard. If the gym has a policy against them they should advertise it clearly. Otherwise you are free to use in the changing room.

Complain. Don’t let it bash your confidence though. It sounds like you’re doing really well with going to the gym in the first place.

It’s not- many gyms have signs and have had them for many years. I was once sprayed in the eye because the person didn’t realize I was bending to get something from the locker when she sprayed herself (and didn’t aim well).
use roll on or get wet wipes.

This is a consequence of validating TERFs in action.

Then don't go there.

my gym doesn’t have a sign though, I’ve said it it did id obey. I have a cream deodorant

The other woman was the ugly one, not you. Please don’t put yourself down because of her nasty comments. You are entitled to use the gym without being harassed.

I am sad you had so much hassle in one day. I really hope you do go back to the gym. The woman sounds crazy. I wonder is she troubled with her MH.I hope she thinks about her comments and apologises. Deodorants are needed so the second person was out of order as well. I think a lot of people have a short fuse theses days, there is no excuse for her truly awful bad manners. I send a virtual hug to you.

I said YRBU because you should not let her get to you. She sounds like an angry hateful piece of work. I wouldn’t take it personally or even think it’s about your looks, she just wanted to have a rage at someone.

Hmmm ........it's not particularly pleasant to breathe them in although there are more constructive ways of raising issues with people

What a nasty woman. I'm with the no sprays or strong perfumes crowd. A lot of us have asthma or COPD and we like to use gyms too.

I would remove myself rathef than shout at people however.

Do not let that nasty woman make you feel like you can't use the women only side. I miss having a gym that has that

It’s great that women are feeling able now to defend female-only spaces, so important as I’m sure you’d agree OP. Sounds like this shouty woman handled it really badly though, and I’m not surprised you’re offended. I’d be mortified, and profusely apologetic, if I made such a mistake but I think it’s a relatively small price to pay to keep all women safer!
YABU on the body spray. It triggers asthma and allergies and it’s not a personal affront to ask gym users not to spray. You’d probably not even remember that if you hadn’t already been (understandably) shaken from the earlier unpleasant exchange. Try not to overthink it!

No to be quite frank with you I don’t think it’s a reasonable price to pay. I am a woman, I’m now left feeling horrible (I’ve come home and had a cry about it, it’s made me feel that awful), insecure and like I never want to go to the gym again. I don’t think that’s fair.

The gym I go to actually provides free salt of the earth aerosol deodorant in the changing room for anyone to use. I have not noticed anyone complaining.

The woman who thought you looked like a man was clearly off her trolley. Being short and fat doesn't make anyone look manly - if you were 6ft tall and muscular, I could understand it a bit. Unfortunately raising awareness about men infiltrating women's changing spaces means that some rather unwell people will overreact...

Look, you're doing brilliantly by going to the gym at all. Don't let the random nutters put you off.

I’d have flashed my boobs at her and told her to jog on. I’m sorry that happened to you and well done on the weight loss ❤️

you seem offended about the spray on deodorant. I forget that you haven’t got a leg to stand on but the other yeah you shouldn’t of been confronted like that if she had a problems with you, she should’ve gone to management.