I got shouted at in the gym today, AIBU?

[ShakenUpandUpset]

I was at the gym today and I got shouted at twice within the space of half an hour.

The first was for entering the women’s only space (I’m a woman, albeit a short and fat one). A woman came up to me and started accusing me of not being a woman, and essentially being a man. I was in a baggy shirt but I also think I look pretty “womanly”, I have long hair, obvious boobs, I was wearing leggings and very obviously don’t have a bulge or anything like that. When I answered and said yes I was, she seemed satisfied but spent much of her time glaring at me across the room and tutting loudly whenever someone else looked at me.

it’s just left me feeling totally shaken and upset. I am a woman and I shouldn’t be questioned, I have always known I was pretty ugly but this has just confirmed it for me and I never want to go to the gym again, because what if someone else makes the same mistake but gets even more angry?

I’m not a TRA, I’m pretty gender critical, but in any event that doesn’t justify what happened?

Um, transwomen are MALES with PENIS AND TESTICLES. They are not women. And if you are saying a male in a dress with a cock and balls and male height and male strength are more likely to be assaulted than an actual woman, @TheCheekyCyanHelper , that is batshit. You obviously have put zero thought into this at all. Evidence shows transwomen commit sexual offences 5 times greater than so called "cis" males.

Evidence ?

The incident with the woman I’d report to the front desk. The second incident you were wrong to use a spray.
3 sprays of what? It wouldn’t matter if I was the only other person in there with you whatever you’re spraying would set me off coughing and take my breath away

Sol de Jainero. Not exactly a hugely overwhelming scent!

To you it’s not no

I was so proud of our Rugby World Cup Winners because that is what women look like. You be proud of yourself!

Sounds a troll thread. Very soon after a GC thread. Reported

There used to be someone at my gym who complained about aerosol deodorant in the changing room. She’d have some sort of choking fit and rush out half naked. She’d asked the gym management to ban spray deodorant and they told her to jog on.

Or a consequence of men trying to get into female only spaces 🤷‍♀️

Sorry to hear you are a rape survivor, I am too.

but men don’t need to pretend to want to be women or dress like women to rape or sexually assault us. They will do it anyway. People shouldn’t be getting their genitalia out in front of any strangers. I get changed in the gym but always keep my sports bra and knickers on. Toilets are cubicles so private. I’ve met several trans women and never had any issues with any of them, they have been beyond respectful and just mind their own business and want to be left in peace. If you’re so set on this, what about intersex people? What about trans men? Do you want trans men in female toilets and changing rooms too? Since their birth sex was female? I would call out harassment wherever I see it and wouldn’t tolerate it from any gender, but genuinely have no issue with sharing toilets and changing rooms with trans women. Anywhere that people will be naked should be a private space anyway. Hopefully the days of shared showers (god I remember those from PE back in the day) are long gone

Hitting the full house on the trans bingo card there are you not. ‘Men will hurt you anyway’, ‘I’ve met plenty of harmless trans women’, ‘do you want trans men in your spaces’. ‘What about intersex people’.

Most men won’t hurt you period. Statistically you’re also unlikely to ever be burgled but I bet you lock your door/s. Burglars are going to burgle you anyway hey? My partner wouldn’t harm you (and he’s got long hair funnily enough). How do you know that though? Because I said so? If he woke up tomorrow and said he felt like a woman he magically becomes the safest person ever? Unfortunately of the 98% of the sexual and violent crimes that do occur, these are committed by males. Sex based provision exists for a reason.

I’ve met plenty of lovely men who wouldn’t harm a fly, I still don’t want to get changed in front of them or have them around me whilst peeing or whatever, cubicles or not if I can avoid it. For privacy and dignity. You don’t get to give away that right on behalf of me or other women because YOU are cool with it.

I’ve met a nice trans woman, I’ve met a horrific sex offender who was trans. So what?

People with DsD’s (I believe the term intersex is outdated) are still one or the other. There isn’t a third sex and I don’t know why it’s brought up in trans convos as some sort of gotcha.

I’m happy with trans men in my spaces as they are female.

OP do not stop going to the gym. I hope that woman is throughly disappointed in herself.

Sol de Janeiro is really overpowering body spray. My 15 year old loves it but it leaves the rest of us gasping for breath. Much worse than a blast of Sure for example.

I’m really confused as to why you were mistaken for a male as a short, slightly dumpy, long blonde hair with breast sounds pretty female shaped to me. I hope you aren’t put off the gym because of one rude idiot. I got mistaken for a man once as I used to have very short hair. It was obvious I was female up close as I have a feminine face. The person carried on being rude I think it was her embarrassment at having made a mistake, she took it out on me. Maybe an element of that in your experience?

yanbu OP. She must be mental, honestly. It’s her, not you.

Well the woman asking you whether you are a woman was just insane - that’s her issue.

The woman complaining about the body spray. In 2
minds about this. Body spray is really irritating to some people and it isn’t essential - so I think best not to use in a public changing room.

The other woman's behaviour was rude & inappropriate. You have just as much right as another woman to use the space. I can imagine how difficult it is to use the gym when everyone else seems to have more experience than you, but honestly, few people pay any attention to what is happening around them.

I know this is easy to say & much harder to do, but please, don't call yourself ugly. I don't know a single woman who is totally happy with their appearance, but I do know those with the woest self esteem think & speak of themselves as you do.

My situation isn't the same, but my body is fixed at odd angles, & I use a powerchair full-time. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't get looked at by someone. It bothers me less now, but to start with I almost gave up. Perseverance was the tight thing to do.

Do make management aware & keep reminding yourself that the gym is for everyone, & good luck on your journey.

You shouldn't use any spray in a changing room. It's toxic and unnecessary

OP - Sorry you have had such a horrible experience. I am a tall, skinny woman with small boobs and very short hair, and I've been mistaken for a man on multiple occasions, usually in a polite way ("thank you, young man"/"excuse me sir" kind of thing) but once encountered a (male) youth in a Subway who looked and me and then said loudly to his friends "What is THAT??" And laughed. I was a bit hurt but consoled myself on the basis that sometimes people are just arseholes, and I quite like that I look a bit androgenous (as a teenager I was much more girly with long hair, wore more dresses etc etc.) The woman at the gym who shouted at you was appallingly rude and I hope you did report her. Try not to let a total b*tch like that affect your self esteem. SHE should be ashamed, and she should absolutely not get away with behaving in such a despicably rude way.

Report that woman to gym reception, tell them she was also tutting loudly whenever someone looked at you. She needs the gym to have a chat with her.

That's lovely - how very magnanimous of you to want to share intimate spaces with men but you know you can't consent for all females right?
That's the 10 year old girl using the public bathroom alone for the first time, the self-conscious teens, the elderly maiden aunts, the orthodox Muslim and Jewish women, the women with unpredictable gynaecological issues or embarrassing gastric problems not to mention all the women who have suffered sexual assault and haven't been able to process it in the same way you have and actually suffer a visceral bodily reaction to encountering strange men in enclosed spaces (which btw is a very common response to trauma) and any other women, for whatever reason, who just don't want to encounter males in a space where they are unavoidably vulnerable. But hey as long as you're cool with it.

And transmen who actually continue to pass as male after more than a second glance or when they speak are still pretty rare (it's the height, the hips and the hands that give it away) although I'll grant testosterone is a powerful hormone compared to the effects of estrogen in men. But again this is an issue of the TRA's own making so maybe campaigning for additional gender neutral spaces would have been a better use of their time instead of barging into female single sex spaces unasked and then tantruming violently when women have the audacity to say No Thanks!

And I really don't know what 'intersex' (which is an offensive term btw for many people with a difference of sexual development) has to do with anything. People with DSDs are either male or female and will absolutely know which single sex provision to use as no doubt they will have a medical diagnosis and ongoing medical care to support them.
True human hermaphrodites don't exist and there is no third sex!

Good luck with your complaint OP.

And everyone else complaining about body spray should approach their gyms for a new policy and stop harassing others in changing rooms.

Sorry AccidentallyWesAnderson - just realized you had already said it all much more eloquently and succinctly than me 😅

I’m six foot one with short hair.. you get used to this..

Women’s rights to retain sex based spaces can’t be stated enough!