I got shouted at in the gym today, AIBU?

[ShakenUpandUpset]

I was at the gym today and I got shouted at twice within the space of half an hour.

The first was for entering the women’s only space (I’m a woman, albeit a short and fat one). A woman came up to me and started accusing me of not being a woman, and essentially being a man. I was in a baggy shirt but I also think I look pretty “womanly”, I have long hair, obvious boobs, I was wearing leggings and very obviously don’t have a bulge or anything like that. When I answered and said yes I was, she seemed satisfied but spent much of her time glaring at me across the room and tutting loudly whenever someone else looked at me.

it’s just left me feeling totally shaken and upset. I am a woman and I shouldn’t be questioned, I have always known I was pretty ugly but this has just confirmed it for me and I never want to go to the gym again, because what if someone else makes the same mistake but gets even more angry?

Side note, although I support LGBTQ rights - as long as doesn’t encroach on women’s rights, I begrudge using the word cis to describe myself. I’m female , end of .

Not always. It is unpleasant to be shouted at but it can be lethal to have an asthma attack.

You could set off an asthma attack in someone which can be fatal.

People can tell the difference between men and women FFS. Stop pretending they can't.

this is what you say to a woman who has just posted their experience this very day of being mistaken for a man? The denial of is off the charts.

Oh hello, I'm glad you've seen this thread. I hope it may provide you some insight into the actual* real world impact/ consequences for many women of the fundamentalism you are promoting.

OP, I'm so sorry for the experience you had and that so many in here are dismissing that it happened and that it upset you. I know how much it can shake your sense of self, please don't let other people's negative talk feed your self narrative. Well done on the weight loss and going to the gym even though you were uncomfortable, you're doing amazing and deserve to feel great about yourself.

Lol sounds legit. Also has Tandoori's seal of approval so you know it's real.

Ignore the woman who sounds deranged!
Re body sprays / deodorants etc - it would trigger a severe asthma attack for me. In fact I’ve just spent a week in Hosp, narrowly avoiding ITU, for exactly this reason. Please consider using a roll on in public spaces. I only use the gym showers occasionally if empty or have no other option as appreciate people will use a spray of some kind. No one deliberately sets out to cause harm but people are often unaware of the potential consequences of their actions.

I think it's very inconsiderate. A lot of people struggle to breathe in a room with spray in it.

What? No it's not, not if the cost is other women's wellbeing. Nobody should be shouting at anyone because they think they are in the wrong place (it's a completely different scenario to a known male using a facility).

Women have the right to use female facilities even if they don't meet random people's ideas of femininity.

OP, I'm so sorry this happened to you. Please try not to let it put you off going back to the gym.

I have PCOS, sometimes 5 o'clock shadow and a much deeper voice than usual because of the extra testosterone that causes, am built like an American lumberjack, and went through a period of having a completely shaved head a few years ago.

I must have just been extremely lucky, as I've never once been mistaken for a man. Not even in the dark, from a distance or from behind. Because I very much look, move and sound like a woman, even with all of the above.

I'm sorry you went through this op, it would be more likely that the woman needed glasses she'd taken off to work out perhaps, than you actually appearing like a man because you are a bit over weight?

But every gym will have people spraying deodorant and perfume etc. It’s the shouting that is wrong. If someone said ‘ excuse me that’s making me feel tight in the chest’ I’m sure the response would be different. But op says she stopped typing as it’s so minor. Someone shouting at you is not minor and this is why I doubt OP’s recollection. Shouting or speaking?

I don’t believe a word of this. Why mention the lack of bulge…?

Don’t let that put you off, you’ve worked really hard to lose weight and feel better about yourself,
the gym is a great next step to continue feeling better

Exactly.

This is the only thing I can think of? I have nothing that makes me look like a man. I have long blonde hair, but I also know I don’t look feminine because I’m so overweight.

So now you know it's inconsiderate to use an aerosol will do you something different next time?

Yes? I don’t routinely do it, I did it because I felt like I smelled like a wet dog. I use cream deodorant anyway so I’ll just stick to that. Really not the point of the thread though

Why would you smell after showering?

But it’s not a non issue because it very much is the issue in this thread. I think the shouty woman was pretty stupid and acting on her own nasty prejudices rather than actually attempting to apply any critical thinking to the situation. But there are a lot of people like her in the world. Just because you are reasonably competent at recognising a woman even if she’s not dressed in pink, don’t assume everyone else is. Honestly some people are very stupid and nasty and are looking for an opportunity to attack.

The op has long blonde hair and boobs and yet someone shouted at her because she looked like a man due to being short and overweight This didn’t happen

Hmm - I suppose I'm just finding it hard to take the OP's assertions at face value.
Anyone who has taken even a slight interest in the gender identity debate knows that there is massive push back and non-compliance with the supreme court clarification on single sex provision from the TRA camp. Just look at what the captured unions are doing at the moment - fighting tooth and nail to avoid compliance.

Pretending that there is now a massive problem with the misgendering of non conforming females in public spaces is an attempt to undermine women's basic (and completely lawful) right to privacy, dignity and protection from sexual assault, harassment and voyeurism in situations where they are physically vulnerable.

But go on, I'll play. If misgendering does happen occasionally, and yes I agree that could be unpleasant for some women (including transmen) - although speaking pretty much sorts out most misunderstandings instantly - the fault lies totally at the door of the indoctrinated idiots who thought it was a good idea to break the social contract so men could live out their fantasies. A contract that was implemented precisely because we live in a world where females are routinely harassed, abused and exploited by males. Protections should never be removed unless you can prove the need for them has disappeared - that's basic safeguarding 101. Does anyone really believe women and girls are suddenly less at risk from men in 2025 because a small but persistent group of paraphilic men managed to convince wider institutions that queer theory was a road map for how society should be set up rather than a wanky, self-indulgent thought experiment that should have stayed in academia?

It isn't 'anti-trans', it is anti MALE in female spaces. And it's very strange these 'stories' are coming out now, when we've never had them before. 99.999999999999% times it's obvious what sex a person is, no gEnItaL InsPeCtIOns needed. Most women if on the rare-never occasions they are questioned, as soon as they speak it's obvious. Other women have said they were questioned, and they were grateful women were looking out for each other and it didn't bother them.

then mind your own business about what their gender/sex is because, who cares?

Who cares? Who cares?! Wtf? I think any normal person would 'care' that a male is exposing his penis to women and girls in a womens changing room. It is not normal to not care about that. As a rape survivor I most certainly care. Even though there is an onslaught of anti-women and misogynistic comments on this site trying to deny women and girls our hard won spaces and rights. I care. so does any other normal human being.

It does seem rather strange that trans ideologists/anti-feminists with an apparent agenda are now coming out with all these stories that they were questioned.

Seems rather strange timing.... Ergo, I don't believe most of them, I think they're made up to cause trouble for feminists and to try and justify the trans ideologist stance.

And that you'd rather see a man undress in front of you and see his penis and testicles rather than undress in front of a feminist that protects the rights of rape and trauma survivors and all women and girls isn't a great testament to you. Me? I will always prefer the protective if dogged feminist over a male exposing his penis to women and girls, but you do you. I am not ashamed of out and loud feminism.

What?

I didn’t shower at the gym, because I didn’t have clean clothes to get into (nor did I have soap), I sprayed myself to stop me smelling for my bus journey home!