I got shouted at in the gym today, AIBU?

[ShakenUpandUpset]

I was at the gym today and I got shouted at twice within the space of half an hour.

The first was for entering the women’s only space (I’m a woman, albeit a short and fat one). A woman came up to me and started accusing me of not being a woman, and essentially being a man. I was in a baggy shirt but I also think I look pretty “womanly”, I have long hair, obvious boobs, I was wearing leggings and very obviously don’t have a bulge or anything like that. When I answered and said yes I was, she seemed satisfied but spent much of her time glaring at me across the room and tutting loudly whenever someone else looked at me.

it’s just left me feeling totally shaken and upset. I am a woman and I shouldn’t be questioned, I have always known I was pretty ugly but this has just confirmed it for me and I never want to go to the gym again, because what if someone else makes the same mistake but gets even more angry?

My jaw just dropped reading your post OP. I am so sorry you experienced ignorance at that extortionate level.

Its none of her business and she’s downright rude and disrespectful to even think she can speak to another woman like that.

Dont let that kind of ugliness put you off.

Sending love to you 💐

Relatively small price to pay. 😡

Are you one of the women out there publicly harassing and shaming other women who don't conform to your standards of femininity?

I honestly just don’t think it’s a massive deal, and I feel like people are trying to say I’m some horrendously selfish person. It wasn’t deodorant but body spray and the changing room was nearly empty!

It’s not a massive deal, don’t worry.

It's odd. 5ft 3 is very unusual height for a man and most women are great at determining sex compared to men. Being short and fat doesn't mean unfeminine at all by the way, most women get that so don't worry about that.

Spraying stuff isn't expected at the gym, mine has it banned. I thought most places did nowadays. Didn't know anyone still used bodyspray- makes me think of lynx and smelly 14yo boys tbh.

P.S. You may not be a size 10 but never call yourself ugly.
Be proud of what you have achieved, and stay kind to yourself 💐💐💐💐💐

Your gym is horrible-poor you. Are there nicer ones you could go to.

You see, I don't think this is great at all. I think it means that a lot of not traditionally female presenting women are going to get aggressively challenged and we shouldn't have to put up with it. So much for 'you can always tell' - it's bullshit.

I'm almost 6 ft tall, muscular, not pretty. I have twice been aggressively challenged in women's loos - and that was before the ruling. And honestly, if another woman does that to me again, I'm going to call security on them and call them some absolutely choice names.

No it's not. Happens all the time.

Did these people actually shout? Like raised voices? Or just criticise you?
I mean, both criticisms were batshit, but people go on about shouting and screaming when no such thing has happened your description of the main incident doesn’t even sound shouty.

No, she's obviously got some unfortunate issues - you don't. You obviously don't look like a man at 5ft 3 1/2, with long hair and a womanly figure. Perhaps you looked a bit of a nervous 'new girl' and she sniffed it out. Dismiss it/complain, OP. Buy a nice stick deodorant and get back in there! A couple more sessions and it'll be like your club.

She was shouting. I don’t know if she was trying to get other peoples attention or what but it was yelling.

Well she sounds like a twat!
You need to walk straight back into that gym with your head held high, a strong and confident woman (fake it til you make it).
When I started working out years ago my self esteem and confidence were at an all time low and I had always had issues with my self image. I started out in gyms on army garrisons which were REALLY intimidating to begin with but with time my confidence and self esteem grew enormously as I got stronger and fitter and 'put myself out there'. I'm also a lot more resilient now and certainly take less shit from people.

F those people. Good on you for losing the weight and getting to the gym.

Absolutely complain about the one who insinuated you shouldn't be there. That is NEVER ok. How dare she.

Also re. body spray, unless you're twirling around spraying it like a ballerina and coating everyone and every surface, they can sod off. It's a changing room. The one at our local gym smelled like rotten feet last week, I guarantee your smell was more pleasant!

I think you should complain about the former incident. Doesn’t sound like a very nice gym.

It makes me so sad that this happened to you. What a horrible woman. I hope you don’t let it upset you too much. You’re worth so much more!

Well didn't for actually getting to the gym lots of people wouldn't do it.

The 1st woman had no right to challenge you at all, look at it as her issue not yours.

You shouldn't have been shouted at about body spray but the person does have a point, the spray lingers and it's not pleasant when it interferes with your breathing.

To the pp who said people should just change at home, can I suggest you use your spray at home or your car etc. Breathing is slightly more important than any sort of spray.

Absolutely. All these comments about how strange this is and how this woman must be mentally ill , because of course these kind of mistakes are so unusual/ unlikely, are beyond ridiculous.

I'm with you on this Op. Sorry you had this experience today.

Strange gym that two people shouted. Are you sure they shouted?

Well done for your commitment to losing weight OP.
Please don't call yourself ugly, nobody is ugly, we all need to take care of ourselves and appreciate our uniqueness.
For those who want to wear makeup, that is an option for those who want to.
Take care OP

I get challenged so often tbh. Solidarity, it’s not great. I’m taller than most women, thinnish, but am also extremely flat chested… didn’t have much in the way of boobs ever and then breastfeeding for 6 years did for what little I did have! I just shrug it off now. Don’t let it get to you OP.

Yes. I am.

I'm sorry this happened to you, OP.
A good friend of mine who has quite an athletic build and chooses not to dress in a stereotypically "feminine" way was recently loudly confronted in the Women's toilets at a shopping centre, accusing her of being a man. She was really shaken by it. I don't know what people think gives them the right to behave this way but it's definitely them, not you.
Absolutely complain to the gym. I know quite a few people have said 'don't let it stop you going' and I totally get that sentiment, but I also think it's understandable if you'd rather look for another gym after what's happened.

Then they sound very horrible. It’s incredibly unlucky to have two people shout at you in one week let alone one day in the space of an hour. I hope the first woman apologised profusely and as for the second, she’s an idiot!