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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist the holiday is cancelled

212 replies

Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 17:50

DH has a big birthday next year and has booked a one week holiday for just me and him abroad. He has arranged for MIL and FIL to look after our kids (DD-5, DD-3).

MIL and FIL visited this week and said they'd do the school run for oldest DD. At 2pm they decided to nip out taking the house keys with them (car seat was left in the house). At 2.50 still no sign of them coming back so tried phoning, no answer. Both had left their phones at home. They are terrible for losing track of time. DD needed collecting at 3.15.

I couldn't get out of the house to go and get DD as they'd locked the door with my key (they had their key too and DH had other set in work). So managed to get hold of a friend that could pick up DD for me, this was 3.05 still no sign of them. Phoned school and let them know arrangements.

At 3.15 FIL comes in and grabs the car seat....he'd dropped MIL at the school to pick up DD and was heading back to pick them up. I then had to phone my friend to apologise she didn't need to get DD and phone the school. I felt so panicked and upset.

No apology from MIL or FIL. MIL went as far to say she thought it was hilarious I'd phoned the school. I want to cancel the holiday and rebook somewhere where me DH and our two DD's go together. DH thinks I'm over reacting.

YABU- go on the holiday with just DH
YANBU- cancel the holiday and book elsewhere

OP posts:
Haggisfish3 · 02/10/2025 17:51

You won’t enjoy it was you'll
worry constantly. I would too.

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 02/10/2025 17:52

The key thing is odd but other than that they said they would pick up and they did pick up.....

IsItSnowing · 02/10/2025 17:53

I wouldn’t leave my kids with people like this. You’d never enjoy yourself anyway. It will just be too much worry.

Thecowardlydonkey · 02/10/2025 17:54

I understand that they worried you, but they didn’t forget to do the school run, all that happened is you thought they had. I don’t think that in itself is reason to cancel the holiday. I take it you had agreed to it previously knowing what they are like?

MidlandsGal1 · 02/10/2025 17:54

Sounds like a simple mistake but you sound like you wouldn’t enjoy the holiday. Do you and DH desperately need a break? Is your DH struggling with work and family life and wants some time just as a couple? Could cancelling it affect your marriage? If this was an isolated incident, I’d let it go. If they have form for making mistakes which I assume they don’t given you had them collect your child, I’d obviously reconsider.

All things to consider.

Swiftie1878 · 02/10/2025 17:55

They said they’d do it, and they did.
People do things differently to how you would do them, but you have to stop trying to micromanage.
Go on holiday. All will be fine.
And be grateful to them for stepping up. Lots of people don’t have that sort of support!!

Shr3dding · 02/10/2025 17:56

So it's not until next year? Plenty of time for explaining things to them, putting in a back up plan and having more trial runs

LBOCS2 · 02/10/2025 17:56

So, to clarify, they said they’d do the school run at 3.15 and made arrangements to do the school run at 3.15, albeit a bit last minute?

It sounds like you and they have different styles of communicating and living your lives. It’s likely that it would all be absolutely fine - better without you stressing over it probably - but you wouldn’t relax anyway, so you may as well rebook the holiday 🤷🏻‍♀️

Cooksmart · 02/10/2025 17:57

So this behaviour is a shock to you and come completely out the blue?

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 02/10/2025 17:59

They picked up! The main problem was you not trusting them to do it. Locking you in the house was weird, and dangerous, but presumably there's an explanation for that and it won't matter when you're not there to be locked in!

If you had been away the kids would have been happily picked up on time and no one would have been worried.

Greggsit · 02/10/2025 18:00

You're overreacting. They did what they said they would. Yes, they should have brought their phones, but it would be ridiculous to cancel a holiday over this.

Femalefootyfan · 02/10/2025 18:01

Have the in laws do several school pick ups before your holiday next year, any be one a week so they get into the swing of it all, you might feel like you can rely on them to do things in a more timely manner that way.

Cooksmart · 02/10/2025 18:02

They are terrible for losing track of time.

so weird you’re surprised

so weird that you have arranged for them to care for your children for a week when you clearly don’t trust (or like) them

purpleme12 · 02/10/2025 18:04

You've painted this like it's just one incident

Yes it is annoying but at the same time like others said, they did what they said they'd do

On the basis of this post which is coming across as one incident, yes you're being unreasonable about the holiday

Original poster
Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 18:04

I should have added they were down visiting and live 200+ miles away, they visit a few times a year for a couple of nights. We have no other family help, they are our closest relatives. I didn't know DH had booked the holiday and arranged them to look after our DD's.

They have form for being quite forgetful about things and are normally late to things (also the fact they didnt have the car seat). I agreed for them to do the school run but had no idea where they had gone and no way of contacting them to find out. As well as the fact they left me locked in the house. It makes me feel that I can't trust them to look after the girls. Another time they forgot to give my youngest DD a drink all day.

OP posts:
xxxwd · 02/10/2025 18:06

You were the problem here.

Cooksmart · 02/10/2025 18:06

Ok so they hardly see the kids
History of them messing up
you don’t like or trust them clearly

so your weeks holidays will be awful.

yes postpone so children join

Delatron · 02/10/2025 18:06

To be fair they were at school in time for the pick up.

I think you either learn to let go and they do it their way. Or if you feel you won’t relax - change the holiday to a weekend away so no school runs involved.

I find grandparents can sometimes be more relaxed about things. It worked in our favour when they were here looking after my teens. They didn’t seem to worry what time they came home (much like the 90s when I was younger!). And they stayed up later waiting for them.

Maray1967 · 02/10/2025 18:07

An adult who forgets to give a child a drink all day is not a fit childminder.

There is no way they would be looking after my DC.

Runningismyhappyplace50 · 02/10/2025 18:07

I thought you were going to say they drove DC without a car seat.

They picked up DC as arranged. Assume they have to lock their own front door so whilst annoying was probably just a habit.

Has this behaviour surprised you? I wouldn’t cancel the holiday but would have them do a few more school runs to practice before the holiday.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 02/10/2025 18:07

But they did collect on time like they said?
canceling the holiday is extreme

you could
get a different babysitter if you don’t trust them fully

but I can’t really see what they did wrong

locked you in by mistake not on purpose ??

and they did get the child at 3.15

Delatron · 02/10/2025 18:08

I think the not giving the youngest a drink is an issue. Is the holiday a year away? Will she be able to say when she’s thirsty?

DP’s parents used to ‘forget’ to give my kids lunch…think MIL couldn’t be arsed to cook..

HumphreyCushionintheHouse · 02/10/2025 18:09

I would either cancel the holiday, or add the children to it. These people are not reliable.

Worriedalltheday · 02/10/2025 18:09

Sounds like they were perfectly responsible. They probably absentmindedly locked the door and forgot the phone. And made a very clever solution of leaving MIL at school and picking up the car seat. So in the end they probably realised their mistake, realised they didn’t have a phone and did the very best.
I would expect an apology or explanation but it would make me feel a bit more confident that they were able to get the job done.

Worriedalltheday · 02/10/2025 18:10

Ok missed the update, sounds like a bad idea