To insist the holiday is cancelled

[Bella2021]

DH has a big birthday next year and has booked a one week holiday for just me and him abroad. He has arranged for MIL and FIL to look after our kids (DD-5, DD-3).

MIL and FIL visited this week and said they'd do the school run for oldest DD. At 2pm they decided to nip out taking the house keys with them (car seat was left in the house). At 2.50 still no sign of them coming back so tried phoning, no answer. Both had left their phones at home. They are terrible for losing track of time. DD needed collecting at 3.15.

I couldn't get out of the house to go and get DD as they'd locked the door with my key (they had their key too and DH had other set in work). So managed to get hold of a friend that could pick up DD for me, this was 3.05 still no sign of them. Phoned school and let them know arrangements.

At 3.15 FIL comes in and grabs the car seat....he'd dropped MIL at the school to pick up DD and was heading back to pick them up. I then had to phone my friend to apologise she didn't need to get DD and phone the school. I felt so panicked and upset.

No apology from MIL or FIL. MIL went as far to say she thought it was hilarious I'd phoned the school. I want to cancel the holiday and rebook somewhere where me DH and our two DD's go together. DH thinks I'm over reacting.

YABU- go on the holiday with just DH
YANBU- cancel the holiday and book elsewhere

The holiday is next year?

when?

My husband was in work at the time we'd made food for her so she would have had some milk on cereal and yoghurt with lunch nothing else. They have only had her by themselves for a couple of hours since and I've made sure she's got hold of her water bottle (I had another hospital appointment)

Arrange a different live in nanny for the week
Go on holiday

To be honest they came through and used the car seat, which I thought was going to be what happened. The drink thing is a worry but maybe you need to give them good instructions and accept it might be a slightly chaotic week but they and the kids might enjoy the time together and you get to have a child free holiday. If the holiday is a way off then you have time to prep them.

The key thing is a problem but you should change the system so nobody can be locked in as obviously it is a fire hazard.

I wouldn't go as they're too young to understand disorganised people looking after them. When they're older around 8-10 it'll be fine as they'll understand their GPs are forgetful and disorganised and they'll expect them to be late picking them up, will make sure themselves that they've eaten and had a drink. No doubt they'll help each other.
You shouldn't leave very young DCs with adults who won't be able to meet their needs.

Half the mums on MN fluster at the school pick up. Hardly a great benchmark.

I wouldn't go on holiday and leave my DC for a week. Think it is perfectly fine that other people do but I wouldn't want to. And I especially wouldn't want to with young DC and people I didn't trust. They were clearly fairly late (surely would have been at least 15 mins) for the school run (sure, that happens to me sometimes so not judging particularly) but it isn't funny - it's really annoying for the teachers. I would also be annoyed if my DP booked a holiday without asking (I might not be able to get the time off work). I would cancel if I were you

In their favour, they had the wherewithal to sort out a way to pick up your DD, but they do sound very absent minded, and this was probably the easiest thing that they might have to do for a 3 and 5 year old.

If you don't feel happy leaving your children in their care, there isn't much point in going on holiday.

It's obvious you dislike your in-laws, but your reaction to them not actively actively offering your 2.5 year-old her drinks bottle that was sitting out in the kitchen through the day is unreasonable. Unless there are significant developmental delays you haven't mentioned your 2.5 year old is more than capable of asking her her water bottle or another drink if she's thirsty. And she won't suffer any harm going 10 hours at home without drinking if she's not thirsty.

How did they get your key?

They were clearly fairly late (surely would have been at least 15 mins) for the school run (sure, that happens to me sometimes so not judging particularly) but it isn't funny - it's really annoying for the teachers.

It doesn't sound like they were late. By school dismissal grandpa had already dropped grandmum at the school gates and had time to drive home and get the car seat, so grandmum would have been waiting to receive the child when they came out of schol.

The child needing collecting at 3.15pm. At 3.15pm FIL arrived at the house having dropped MIL already at the school to collect the child. So presumably they were EARLY to collect. Not late. So no need to worry about the teachers ...

Sounds so much like my in laws, utterly useless. I would absolutely cancel the holiday. You won’t enjoy it. Not offering a drink to your dc is awful. Exactly what my in laws did and also didn’t change the nappy. They no longer have row their of my DC alone

They did what they said they would do. You sound like you are looking for problems.

I can't see the issue. Presumably your DH doesn't have dreadful tales of near-death experiences from his own childhood? If there are things you're worried about, leave them a list of reminders.

How is it obvious that the op dislikes her in laws?? Op is rightly worried about leaving her child in the care of her in laws.

your reaction to them not actively actively offering your 2.5 year-old her drinks bottle that was sitting out in the kitchen through the day is unreasonable
The op didn't react to this at all. she only knew by seeing the bottle untouched and by asking her inlaws whether she'd had had a drink in her cup, that child hadn't drank anything.

And she won't suffer any harm going 10 hours at home without drinking if she's not thirsty
She might not suffer long term harm however this is a very concerning attitude. of course a child should be offered drinks regularly, this is the very minimum I would expect of someone who is supposed to be looking after a child.

@Bella2021 no way would I be going on holiday. They are very absent minded, I wouldn't be able to relax at all.

But they didn’t forget and did exactly what they said they would do. You just wanted to micromanage and when it didn’t go how you wanted, made unnecessary alternative arrangements.

Your house is a fire hazard. You need to remedy that asap.

It is not obvious that I dislike them. I think it is obvious that I find them frustrating at times, as I'm sure a lot of people find family members sometimes. They are both incredibly disorganised and forgetful (forgetful appointments, forgot driving license for a driving holiday abroad). Yes I find them frustrating but also know they love my DD's and they mean well and hearts are in the right place. My apologies if I haven't managed to articulate every aspect of my relationship with them.

If they picked up at the time they said they would why does it matter if you didn't know where they were? I guess you don't trust them but have not given a clear reason why. You just don't like them. Do your children enjoy being with them? If so, your children would probably have a lovely time that they will remember. Even if its different to the time they'd have with you.

They collected on time, as promised, so the only issue is that you didn't trust them to do it.

Are you having reservations about being away from a 3 year old for a week? I'd find that hard too.

Leaving your young children with these two would be too stressful.

I can't understand people who would go on holiday for a whole week leaving their small children behind. A night or a weekend, yes. But a week is ages and it feels really mean to leave them with people they dont know well while you live it up on holiday. Don't you like spending time with your kids?

Aside from this you clearly dont trust your PIL so why on earth would you let them look after your DC at all?

Do you not have a back door or a spare key in the house?

I wouldn’t be comfortable leaving my kids with them either.

• they lack common sense (not offering a 2 yr old water all day; taking someone else’s house keys without asking (provided they have their own))
• they are comfortable not being reachable (which is fine if they’re on their own but I wouldn’t be able to leave my child in this example)

and this is only from 2 examples of their behaviour you have given.

They didn’t forget to pick her up-you just thought they had and everything was fine. I can see why you panicked, but if you hadn’t been there you wouldn't have known anything about it.