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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist the holiday is cancelled

212 replies

Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 17:50

DH has a big birthday next year and has booked a one week holiday for just me and him abroad. He has arranged for MIL and FIL to look after our kids (DD-5, DD-3).

MIL and FIL visited this week and said they'd do the school run for oldest DD. At 2pm they decided to nip out taking the house keys with them (car seat was left in the house). At 2.50 still no sign of them coming back so tried phoning, no answer. Both had left their phones at home. They are terrible for losing track of time. DD needed collecting at 3.15.

I couldn't get out of the house to go and get DD as they'd locked the door with my key (they had their key too and DH had other set in work). So managed to get hold of a friend that could pick up DD for me, this was 3.05 still no sign of them. Phoned school and let them know arrangements.

At 3.15 FIL comes in and grabs the car seat....he'd dropped MIL at the school to pick up DD and was heading back to pick them up. I then had to phone my friend to apologise she didn't need to get DD and phone the school. I felt so panicked and upset.

No apology from MIL or FIL. MIL went as far to say she thought it was hilarious I'd phoned the school. I want to cancel the holiday and rebook somewhere where me DH and our two DD's go together. DH thinks I'm over reacting.

YABU- go on the holiday with just DH
YANBU- cancel the holiday and book elsewhere

OP posts:
BlueMum16 · 02/10/2025 20:20

unsurewhattodoaboutit · 02/10/2025 20:15

I think you were panicking. It wasn’t how you would have done it but they picked your dd up. You are being over dramatic.

Agree.

They did exactly what you asked them to do.

YABU

snemrose · 02/10/2025 20:22

Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 20:13

I could get into the back garden but terraced house surrounded by other houses and fences so couldn't go anywhere. No side gates or anything unfortunately.

Show quote history

Bloody hell that’s a fire risk surely?
How do you go from only having a babysitter once a year to go out to then be able to go abroad for a week? Surely a weekend away just a few hours away would be a good start?

snoopyfanaccountant · 02/10/2025 20:23

My only issue would be that they locked you in.
They had promised to pick your DD up from school and on realising that they had forgotten the car seat made provision for her to be picked up by one grandparent on time while the other one returned for the car seat. Many grandparents would have taken the attitude that their children didn't need a car seat so why would their grandchild. Mobile phones are a relatively recent thing and we all survived without being able to contact people 24/7 in the past so going out without their phones wouldn't be an issue for me. At the end of the day, they picked up your DD and did so safely. I wouldn't cancel the holiday.

Original poster
Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 20:25

snemrose · 02/10/2025 20:22

Bloody hell that’s a fire risk surely?
How do you go from only having a babysitter once a year to go out to then be able to go abroad for a week? Surely a weekend away just a few hours away would be a good start?

Show quote history

It's never been an issue before. I think my DH just got a bit carried away in enthusiasm and wanted to surprise me by organising something. Just hadn't thought it completly through.

OP posts:
setcolorthemeGoth · 02/10/2025 20:29

I voted YANBU but not because of what happened today or the water, but just because a week is a long time and I don't think you'll be able to relax. Also, it's a long time for grandparents to have to look after two young children they don't regularly have for overnights or for a smaller number of days.

The school pick-up thing was a non-event apart from the locking in. They did pick her up on time, you just didn't believe they were going to and that's where all your stress came from.

A couple of weekends where the grandparents have them 24/7, then a 3-4 day break where they're in sole charge, would be a good lead-up to them having them for a whole week and I think would also make you feel more relaxed about the whole thing.

pictoosh · 02/10/2025 20:32

Yabu. I've read your posts and I think you're OTT to want to cancel the holiday.

SleepyLemur · 02/10/2025 20:35

I would get some more keys cut and have one near your front door that no one ever moves, just for escaping in an emergency.

The key thing sounds like a mix up. They did pick up your child from school on time.

However, regardless of reliability of grandparents, personally I wouldn't want to leave my children of that age for so long. Absolutely nothing wrong with doing it if you don't mind, but I would hate it. Sounds like you might too and that is fine. If you feel that way I would change your plans, but don't blame it on your in laws, who are only trying to help.

snemrose · 02/10/2025 20:37

I’m all for going away for a break even when dc are young - but mine were used to time with grandparents/family/friends so it was no big deal and we worked up to how long I was away (max was 2 nights but that was ££ decision) I just don’t get going from 1 date night a year to a week away and I certainly don’t understand living in a house with dc where you can be locked in and unable to get out.

Overthebow · 02/10/2025 20:39

Are they used to being looked after by their grandparents for a week without you being there? At those ages they are still so young, and will probably struggle for that amount of time without you there if they're not used to it, and if they only see their grandparents a few times a year so aren't that familiar. There's nothing wrong with wanting some time away but does it have to be a whole week? We leave our DC with grandparents occasionally but my 5 year old really struggles after a few days so we do long weekends at most, we won't leave them longer until they're older and more able to cope.

Tiswa · 02/10/2025 20:43

It sounds as if a weekend away and then maybe a holiday with decent childcare would work for you.

and a talk with your DH

Nosleepforthismum · 02/10/2025 20:46

My kids are similar ages and there’s no way I’d go away for a week abroad leaving them with grandparents they rarely see. What was your DH thinking? Cancel the holiday and go for a short break relatively close by. You’ve never spent a night away from them and going away for a week where it’s difficult to get home if things go pear shaped? At the very least, you’ll be stressed and not enjoy the holiday.

ForFluentLimeFatball · 02/10/2025 20:52

Not responsible enough. To lock you in? Good job house did not catch alight
If u were home, they did not need keys anyway

KickHimInTheCrotch · 02/10/2025 20:56

Nosleepforthismum · 02/10/2025 20:46

My kids are similar ages and there’s no way I’d go away for a week abroad leaving them with grandparents they rarely see. What was your DH thinking? Cancel the holiday and go for a short break relatively close by. You’ve never spent a night away from them and going away for a week where it’s difficult to get home if things go pear shaped? At the very least, you’ll be stressed and not enjoy the holiday.

Mine are a lot older and I wouldnt leave them to go on holiday for a week. I can't understand why anyone would think this was a good idea or fair on the DC at all.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 02/10/2025 20:56

I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old, and i wouldn't go on holiday for an entire week without them. No chance. And someone who booked it without running it past me would be getting told the same.
And i wouldn't be leaving them for any length of time with people as scatter brained, disorganised and disrespectful as this. Op, you are NOT being unreasonable, despite what other posts are saying.
Also you dont have to rely on them for date night childcare. Just get a decent, dbs checked babysitter with a good background.

Schoolchoicesucks · 02/10/2025 20:58

They ensured that there was somebody there on time to pick up your DC from school and they made sure that they had the car seat to be able to safely drive your DC home.

Not having their mobiles switched on/answering them is irritating, so yes ask them to do this while you are away/have an agreed time that you will check in with them daily.

Have you ever been locked in the house before? I'd be looking to make sure that couldn't happen again.

Boxboom · 02/10/2025 21:00

No way would i leave my children with people like that.
I cannot imagine my husband booking a holiday without discussing it, surprise or not.
Not since we have had children for sure.
I cannot stand ditzy people.
They are not dependable.
Not worth the stress.

Xmasbaby11 · 02/10/2025 21:10

No way on so many counts. It's too long, they don't see the kids much, and they are not that reliable. A week is a really long time with young kids - both from the carers' perspectives and the kids themselves. The thought behind it was kind but as you say, your DH got carried away and it's not an idea I could get behind.

Nelly91 · 02/10/2025 21:14

My mother and father in law are exactly the same, it’s got a lot worse since they retired and now seem to have absolutely no concept of time management. I would 100% not be going on holiday with them, a three day trip to centre parcs nearly killed me. Never again!!!

CautiousLurker01 · 02/10/2025 21:15

Am admittedly a neurotic parent… but no, I wouldn’t be leaving my kids with PiL during termtime. When kids older - 4&7yo - we did send them to stay with their GPs in the holidays, though. All GPs had to do was eep them clean and fed and, ideally, get them to bed for 10-12hrs kip.

I’d insist the holiday was rescheduled so that Dcs can either stay with GPs at their home, on their terms, or so that they can be added to the booking.

Ablondiebutagoody · 02/10/2025 21:19

They had it all under control. You didn't need to get involved

ChaliceinWonderland · 02/10/2025 21:28

No way on gods earth. You must be bonkers to trust them, rearrange for uk based trip.

BrickBiscuit · 02/10/2025 21:31

Ablondiebutagoody · 02/10/2025 21:19

They had it all under control. You didn't need to get involved

They cocked up the keys. They cocked up the phones. They cocked up the car seat. All they needed was one little thing to go wrong and they would have inconvenienced others or worse. OP couldn't get involved if she wanted to (or worse needed to) - they'd locked her in. They sound irresponsible and chaotic. OP presumably does not take chances with picking DD up, and has keys, phone and car seat in place. Don't go away and leave them in charge.

Suchasonganddance · 02/10/2025 21:31

I can understand your worries, but on the other hand your husband survived.

AutumnyCrow · 02/10/2025 21:34

Suchasonganddance · 02/10/2025 21:31

I can understand your worries, but on the other hand your husband survived.

40 years ago.

olivehater · 02/10/2025 21:34

I don’t think the mistake is a big deal.

But no way would I leave and 3 and 5 year old for a week with grandparents. Certainly not out of the country.