To insist the holiday is cancelled

[Bella2021]

DH has a big birthday next year and has booked a one week holiday for just me and him abroad. He has arranged for MIL and FIL to look after our kids (DD-5, DD-3).

MIL and FIL visited this week and said they'd do the school run for oldest DD. At 2pm they decided to nip out taking the house keys with them (car seat was left in the house). At 2.50 still no sign of them coming back so tried phoning, no answer. Both had left their phones at home. They are terrible for losing track of time. DD needed collecting at 3.15.

I couldn't get out of the house to go and get DD as they'd locked the door with my key (they had their key too and DH had other set in work). So managed to get hold of a friend that could pick up DD for me, this was 3.05 still no sign of them. Phoned school and let them know arrangements.

At 3.15 FIL comes in and grabs the car seat....he'd dropped MIL at the school to pick up DD and was heading back to pick them up. I then had to phone my friend to apologise she didn't need to get DD and phone the school. I felt so panicked and upset.

No apology from MIL or FIL. MIL went as far to say she thought it was hilarious I'd phoned the school. I want to cancel the holiday and rebook somewhere where me DH and our two DD's go together. DH thinks I'm over reacting.

YABU- go on the holiday with just DH
YANBU- cancel the holiday and book elsewhere

It sounds like they picked her up at 3:15 as agreed and the only problem was that you panicked unnecessarily. I don't see what any of it has to do with a holiday next year.

Ok so they got to school late, it’s really not that big

They locked her in.

They locked you in your own home.
They didn't take the car seat.
They didn't take their mobile phone(s).
They were going to be late.

Yeah, I wouldn't let them care for a goldfish.

Tell DH to cancel this holiday and rebook something with the kids included.

Yeah. I wouldn’t go ‘on holiday’ because I’d just worry every day.

If you think they will be happy and alive when you are back go.

Most children, even the ones with the most shitty and neglectful parents, survive childhood. OP's DH surviving to adulthood is hardly a testimonial to their parents skills.

Well that's easily done, I've done it to my husband before. If she's on holiday, they can't lock her in.

I totally agree. They sound really flakey and OP wouldn't be able to relax on holiday for worrying about her children.

They’re unreliable and chaotic. Your kids are too young to be cared for by people like this

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all OP.

If they want you to trust them implicitly to be where they say they will be, on time, they have to earn your trust by not doing things like this! And not leaving your child without a drink all day, that could be really dangerous.

I don’t blame you at all!

Edit - my children are 17 and 11, and I’ve always been pretty easy going about leaving them with family, so I’m not neurotic about it. Because my eldest was in cardiac PICU and therefore away from us at 8/9 weeks old I’ve never been someone who can’t be parted from my kids overnight, even when they were little!

There’s no way I could enjoy myself if I worried my children weren’t looked after properly. Then again I have a 7 year old and wouldn’t want a holiday without him anyway! Even when he was younger, maybe a long weekend but definitely not longer! I’ve only ever been away for a night without him and my husband a couple of nights. He’s included as I’d feel weird leaving him if we were both going away!

I would change the holiday and take them too!

I think a week is a long time in this situation. My parents are pretty competent but I wouldn’t trust with them with mine for a week.

I’d change it to a weekend instead

I’m going to just put a pin in the whole incident of them locking you in/ forgetting the seat/ being uncontactable and just point out that seven nights with two very young children who you haven’t looked after for more than a few hours who haven’t ever been apart from both parents at the same time is A LOT.

On that basis alone I think it was foolish of your DH to book that long a break assuming they’d be fine to do childcare. They at least need to attempt a night or weekend between now and then, if you do go. They sound very… chaotic, and I think it might just generally be too much with kids that little. Can they physically look after them for that long, would the kids be ok for a week all of a sudden (if they’ve never even had a night away then a week is a big leap).

I agree with all of this - and If your DH thought this was a good idea, perhaps he isn't the best person to judge.

I wouldn’t want them looking after my kids. They clearly forgot school pick up.
they took two sets of keys with them and zero phones. I wouldn’t feel comfortable

Even though it sounds tempting, I’d never go away for a week without my kids. I’d also not be happy if my DP booked something this big without discussing it with me first.

My current house is like this, and the previous one. You need a key to get in or out of the door is locked. You also need a key to lock the door on your way out.

Absolutely no, rebook the holiday & include the children. Maybe if the kids were a lot older it would be fine but they are too young to be left with relatives that they do not spend a lot of time with. Especially a week that is not a good idea at all for either the children or the grandparents

I would still go. They did the most important things - they weren't late to school, even if MIL had to wait for the car seat to arrive, and they didn't try to drive without the car seat. That's enough really. You were worried because you couldn't get hold of them, but they didn't do anything to put your children at risk.
I'm surprised you couldn't get out of the house - don't you have access to a back door?

I would never go on holiday without my kids nor would DP, we are family and we all go together. Your oldest will understand that Mummy and Daddy have gone on holiday and left them behind. My DC would be devastated that they weren’t going. I’d cancel and book a family holiday.

I agree with @cheddercherry the kids will probably struggle with a week away from you at those ages if they are not used to you both being away.

I don’t think your PIL did anything wrong today, they did what they said they would do, but I still think a week long holiday is too much in these circumstances.

Missing the point of the thread but as an aside I really would think about getting your locks changed on your front door so you can escape quickly without a key if needed. My parents have a door like this and it's really dangerous if you ever find yourself in a situation where you need to get out but can't find your key.

I could get into the back garden but terraced house surrounded by other houses and fences so couldn't go anywhere. No side gates or anything unfortunately.

I think you were panicking. It wasn’t how you would have done it but they picked your dd up. You are being over dramatic.