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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist the holiday is cancelled

212 replies

Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 17:50

DH has a big birthday next year and has booked a one week holiday for just me and him abroad. He has arranged for MIL and FIL to look after our kids (DD-5, DD-3).

MIL and FIL visited this week and said they'd do the school run for oldest DD. At 2pm they decided to nip out taking the house keys with them (car seat was left in the house). At 2.50 still no sign of them coming back so tried phoning, no answer. Both had left their phones at home. They are terrible for losing track of time. DD needed collecting at 3.15.

I couldn't get out of the house to go and get DD as they'd locked the door with my key (they had their key too and DH had other set in work). So managed to get hold of a friend that could pick up DD for me, this was 3.05 still no sign of them. Phoned school and let them know arrangements.

At 3.15 FIL comes in and grabs the car seat....he'd dropped MIL at the school to pick up DD and was heading back to pick them up. I then had to phone my friend to apologise she didn't need to get DD and phone the school. I felt so panicked and upset.

No apology from MIL or FIL. MIL went as far to say she thought it was hilarious I'd phoned the school. I want to cancel the holiday and rebook somewhere where me DH and our two DD's go together. DH thinks I'm over reacting.

YABU- go on the holiday with just DH
YANBU- cancel the holiday and book elsewhere

OP posts:
madaboutpurple · 02/10/2025 18:14

I would think getting a spare set of keys in essential. If you had needed to leave urgently you would not have been able to. Do you know why your relative locked you in the house. That was dangerous.

canchewcashew · 02/10/2025 18:16

Forgetting to give a child anything to drink for a day seems like a bigger problem than the mix up with the keys and car seat. How long ago did this happen? If your youngest is old enough now to speak up for herself, maybe it's less of a concern.

Most likely, there would be no problem with letting them watch your children, but if you won't enjoy the holiday, then it's pointless to go away.

cheeseismydownfall · 02/10/2025 18:17

I thought you were going to say that they drove DD home without the car seat, in which case YWNBU.

As it stands... it sounds like their planning and comms left something to be desired, but at the end of the day the most important things did happen - DD had someone to meet her at the correct time, and she was driven home safely in her car seat.

The key thing is crap but sounds like a mistake - unless you have repeatedly told them that this is something they need to be very careful not to do.

Unless there is more to this I think YABabitU

steff13 · 02/10/2025 18:17

You physically could not get out of the house? So you need the key to unlock the door from the inside, or have I misunderstood?

ButSheSaid · 02/10/2025 18:19

Another time they forgot to give my youngest DD a drink all day.

Why does your husband think it's a great idea to leave your kids with these people?
They've proven they're incapable of the barest of minimums, very basic level of care, a holiday doesn't seem like it'd be enjoyable.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 02/10/2025 18:21

A week with people who fluster at a school pick up?.
No way. Do they really know dc well enough for a week anyway?

Original poster
Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 18:22

steff13 · 02/10/2025 18:17

You physically could not get out of the house? So you need the key to unlock the door from the inside, or have I misunderstood?

Yes, they locked the door when they went out and had 2 sets of keys with them. My DH was in work and had the other set of keys. I had a back door key so could get into the garden but couldn't leave the house.

OP posts:
Cooksmart · 02/10/2025 18:23

This issue aside, what’s your relationship like with them?

Cooksmart · 02/10/2025 18:23

When are you due to go?

Original poster
Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 18:23

canchewcashew · 02/10/2025 18:16

Forgetting to give a child anything to drink for a day seems like a bigger problem than the mix up with the keys and car seat. How long ago did this happen? If your youngest is old enough now to speak up for herself, maybe it's less of a concern.

Most likely, there would be no problem with letting them watch your children, but if you won't enjoy the holiday, then it's pointless to go away.

She's currently 2, would be 3 when he's booked the holiday. It happened about 3 months ago

OP posts:
JustJani · 02/10/2025 18:24

I mean, your husband survived his childhood, and they didn't do anything unsafe here. They don't sound all that terrible to me, just very different to you. I think it's a bit dramatic to cancel a short holiday.

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 02/10/2025 18:24

They said they would get DD and they did! Why would they need to confirm again. Just leave them to it.
They were sensible enough to drop grandma off and grandad go home to get car seat.

you are overreacting.

Delatron · 02/10/2025 18:25

How did you find out about the drink? That is more of a concern to me than the school pick up.

Original poster
Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 18:28

Cooksmart · 02/10/2025 18:23

This issue aside, what’s your relationship like with them?

They think they are helpful. MIL has form for doing what she wants for example throwing out some things from the garage which we were keeping to upcycle without asking. Or starting to peel the wallpaper off the wall when we nipped out a couple of years ago when we mentioned we were thinking of redecorating. I think they find it difficult that it's our house and they're not really in control if that makes sense.

OP posts:
Tiswa · 02/10/2025 18:28

Do you think you would enjoy the holiday or would it cause more harm than good to your relationship with both DH and your in-laws?

this type of decision is a personal one and one that only you can decide if you want to go ahead or not. Usually it is about 50/50 to those who could go and those who can’t with a week probably being even lower and a night away even higher! It depends not only on personalities but whether there are caregivers that you trust

and you don’t trist them for a week and it is as simple as that - is that an overreaction possibly. Does it matter - no

JMSA · 02/10/2025 18:30

I think I’m more on the laidback end of the Mumsnet spectrum, as I don’t seem to be understanding the major issue.
Yeah, it was a bit chaotic, but it worked out in the end. And they’d step up more if you weren’t there.

Original poster
Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 18:31

Delatron · 02/10/2025 18:25

How did you find out about the drink? That is more of a concern to me than the school pick up.

Came home and her drink bottle was in the kitchen still full. Said to MIL had DD drunk out of a cup today and was told no she hadn't asked for a drink so assumed she wasn't thirsty, shes only 2. I'd been at the hospital all day so left at 8am and home at 6ish and no drink.

OP posts:
CatsorDogsrule · 02/10/2025 18:31

I might be mixing you up with another poster, but was your husband also there the day that your youngest wasn't given a drink all day? If so, as the father, he was the one in charge and not his parents. More detail would be needed though before I could judge that occasion. Eg. No water given, but several bottles of milk is different to no water, no milk and only solid, dry food that day.

They made a mistake on this occasion by taking your keys, but they were responsible enough to collect the child on time AND collect the car seat, so I wouldn't judge them badly on this alone.

Bearbookagainandagain · 02/10/2025 18:32

They said they would do pick up, and they did. They didn't organise it the way you wanted it, but ultimately they picked up on time and safely.
They probably didn't realise they had all the keys (locking when you leave the house does make sense to me).

Yes it's annoying they were not contactable, but that's something you can discuss ahead of the holiday.
Cancelling over this is overreacting IMO.

I don't get the "forgetting to give a drink". My 2 yo ask for a drink when she wants one, she has a own bottle available at all time in the living room and her bedroom that she can help herself to, and that's also how it works at nursery for children that age. I'm not after her constantly asking if she wants water...

Umbilicat · 02/10/2025 18:34

As others have said

Do you WANT to go on this holiday

Will it cause tension between you and dh if you don't go?

I'd be bloody furious if I booked a holiday and dh reneged on the grounds you're suggesting but if he's fine and understands then don't go because you sound like a worrier. You have to accept when you leave your dc with other people things won't run exactly as you'd like them to. They did the school run so I think you've overreacted on that score.

topcat2014 · 02/10/2025 18:35

They sound flakes to me, and I'm not a perfectionist by any means.

I've no time for ditsy disorganised people.

Clarabell77 · 02/10/2025 18:36

I couldn’t go on holiday for a week without my kids so YANBU.

Tiswa · 02/10/2025 18:37

Umbilicat · 02/10/2025 18:34

As others have said

Do you WANT to go on this holiday

Will it cause tension between you and dh if you don't go?

I'd be bloody furious if I booked a holiday and dh reneged on the grounds you're suggesting but if he's fine and understands then don't go because you sound like a worrier. You have to accept when you leave your dc with other people things won't run exactly as you'd like them to. They did the school run so I think you've overreacted on that score.

I also think there is the question will it cause tension if they do go

and was she persuaded into it in the first place

i think this will cause damage it it just controlling it as to where the minimal damage can be done

nowadays there are quite a few places that offer decent childcare including the evenings that could be a compromise

ExtraOnions · 02/10/2025 18:37

They did, successfully, bring thier own children up … you need to unclench.

Cooksmart · 02/10/2025 18:37

Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 18:28

They think they are helpful. MIL has form for doing what she wants for example throwing out some things from the garage which we were keeping to upcycle without asking. Or starting to peel the wallpaper off the wall when we nipped out a couple of years ago when we mentioned we were thinking of redecorating. I think they find it difficult that it's our house and they're not really in control if that makes sense.

Show quote history

So the answer to my question is…

my relationship with them is not positive even putting this latest issue aside