To insist the holiday is cancelled

[Bella2021]

DH has a big birthday next year and has booked a one week holiday for just me and him abroad. He has arranged for MIL and FIL to look after our kids (DD-5, DD-3).

MIL and FIL visited this week and said they'd do the school run for oldest DD. At 2pm they decided to nip out taking the house keys with them (car seat was left in the house). At 2.50 still no sign of them coming back so tried phoning, no answer. Both had left their phones at home. They are terrible for losing track of time. DD needed collecting at 3.15.

I couldn't get out of the house to go and get DD as they'd locked the door with my key (they had their key too and DH had other set in work). So managed to get hold of a friend that could pick up DD for me, this was 3.05 still no sign of them. Phoned school and let them know arrangements.

At 3.15 FIL comes in and grabs the car seat....he'd dropped MIL at the school to pick up DD and was heading back to pick them up. I then had to phone my friend to apologise she didn't need to get DD and phone the school. I felt so panicked and upset.

No apology from MIL or FIL. MIL went as far to say she thought it was hilarious I'd phoned the school. I want to cancel the holiday and rebook somewhere where me DH and our two DD's go together. DH thinks I'm over reacting.

YABU- go on the holiday with just DH
YANBU- cancel the holiday and book elsewhere

I would not cancel in the basis of what you say.

BUT, I wouldn’t have booked a week away without them anyway. For me or DH. Add them on? Or reschedule, or send him with a friend.

It is ok to say, I don’t want to do that DH. Regardless of whether it’s is birthday. I suspect deep down, that’s the reality, and even if it was identical care you would still worry, that’s ok as well. We are all different. Some love holidays like this, some don’t.

The husband booked it and arranged without telling/ discussing with OP first. She’s clearly uncomfortable with the whole idea.

Someone met your DD from school at the right time? I can see why you’re worried but I can also see it from their perspective.

I didn't book the holiday without them my DH booked it and only told me after.

YANBU to not want to holiday without your children at that age

YABU and unfair to try and pin that (perfectly legitimate)preference on your PIL’s competency

I think yanbu op.
Your reason for worrying was unnecessary as it turned out but I think it’s telling that your mil laughed at you for being upset.
I wouldn’t want to leave my kids with them when so young.

They shouldn't have took the key but they did pick dd up.
You should have trusted them to sort it when they said they would

I might do an overnight nearby. Couldn't do a week. How old are they @Bella2021

It sounds like you’re looking for a reason to cancel and you don’t sound like the type that could enjoy the break anyway.

I wouldn't trust them to look after your children at all. From a responsible grandparent.

This is your biggest problem. No way would DH or I book a holiday for both of us without checking. We can surprise each other with tickets to a show or something (well not often because babysitters are scarce) but an actual holiday, no way.
I wouldn’t want to leave DC that age more than a night or two and only with someone I really trusted. No such person is currently available to us so we don’t.

It seems like he booked the holiday to get his own way because you wouldn’t have agreed to this plan.

Tell your DH to deal with them. Regarding the holiday, I would not go without trusting them to properly look after your DC.

But your issue isn’t going it is with the people who are looking after your dc?
I don’t understand being locked in your own home - your in laws left your house and locked you in and you had no way of contacting them?

Can you discuss it with them if it's not until next year.
Give them a chance at least .

Did you DH survive childhood? Oh, hang on…

Regardless of my view that big birthdays are a nonsense, if you were to leave your DC with them, you would not be able to relax. Some people are unable to be good or even adequate timekeepers, and you have to recognise it.

I think you should cancel.

I didn't know they'd taken my key out of the bowl. I assumed they had their key which they'd been using all week. It was only when I realised the car seat was in the hallway that I thought I'd better walk to get her that the keys were gone (before anyone says anything about being lazy and not walking I have not been well and find it a massive struggle at the moment). When I phoned them they'd both left their phones in the house. So I had no way of contacting them at all. Going off past experiences with them I assumed they hadn't realised the time. Last thing I wanted was my little girl coming out of school and no one there to get her. She's only 4 at the moment so wouldn't understand why no one was there.

@Bella2021 do you want to go on the holiday

Yes he did and that's why I'm currently having to decide if I'm being unreasonable wanting to rearrange a holiday so my DDs are included rather than leaving them with two extremely forgetful people who admit themselves that they're memory isn't what it used to be 40 years ago raising their own kids...

I think they sound a bit unorganised but ultimately they did what they said they would do.

Am I understanding this correctly? They locked you in your house and you couldn't get out? If it's possible to do that in your house that is so unbelievably unsafe! I must have misunderstood.

So from what you’ve said, they were supposed to pick up your dd and they …. did. Jp
Just not the way you expected it to happen (then having the car seat with them and arriving at school with it)

But you got extremely worried because your experience is that theyre always late so you expect them to be late picking your dd up too.

Im not sure why you agreed to them looking after your dd whilst you’re away because you dint trust them. And you didn’t trust them before either.

Your situation is completely understandable; your fear is natural because you weren't able to go out or communicate with them. However, what happened was a miscommunication, not intentional neglect.

First, try a clear session with them: keep your phone charged, keep all your keys out of the way, and agree on appointments in advance.
If, after talking, you feel they aren't committed or reassuring, then you might consider canceling or changing your travel arrangements.

Not going to lie on one hand a week child free sounds amazing. Apart from a brief spell in hospital I've never had a night away from the kids.

Me and DH are lucky to get the opportunity to go on a date night once a year. On the other hand after this happening on the only time they've done the school run I feel, understandably, very anxious about it as well as other concerns. So don't think I would enjoy.

I didn't agree to it DH booked the holiday as a surprise and arranged them to do the childcare. I only found out this weekend when they came to visit.