To insist the holiday is cancelled

[Bella2021]

DH has a big birthday next year and has booked a one week holiday for just me and him abroad. He has arranged for MIL and FIL to look after our kids (DD-5, DD-3).

MIL and FIL visited this week and said they'd do the school run for oldest DD. At 2pm they decided to nip out taking the house keys with them (car seat was left in the house). At 2.50 still no sign of them coming back so tried phoning, no answer. Both had left their phones at home. They are terrible for losing track of time. DD needed collecting at 3.15.

I couldn't get out of the house to go and get DD as they'd locked the door with my key (they had their key too and DH had other set in work). So managed to get hold of a friend that could pick up DD for me, this was 3.05 still no sign of them. Phoned school and let them know arrangements.

At 3.15 FIL comes in and grabs the car seat....he'd dropped MIL at the school to pick up DD and was heading back to pick them up. I then had to phone my friend to apologise she didn't need to get DD and phone the school. I felt so panicked and upset.

No apology from MIL or FIL. MIL went as far to say she thought it was hilarious I'd phoned the school. I want to cancel the holiday and rebook somewhere where me DH and our two DD's go together. DH thinks I'm over reacting.

YABU- go on the holiday with just DH
YANBU- cancel the holiday and book elsewhere

Nobody used to have a mobile phone, and everyone coped.
Why didn't you put down your computer and write this with a quill then?

It is a fire risk but it is also not an uncommon set up. We are really strict about leaving keys right beside the doors and before bed I check that the key is where it should be.

Come on. It’s still not that unusual that you can’t contact people. Phones get flat. No connexion. It happens.
The fa to the PIL left their phones at home just means that mobiles aren’t part kf their life. It’s ok. You just know to adapt your expectations and behaviours to the fa t you can’t contact them.

Yes it will make you feel less in control. That’s ok too.

Er, not the same argument at all

Yes it is. It's reductio ad absurdum.

People no longer using quill pens has nothing to do with people leaving their phones at home when they go out because they have a situation under control and don't need to be pestered by their anxious dil wrongly assuming they won't make school pick up

They did not have the situation under control as they could not be contacted if circumstances changed or in an emergency.

They turned up at school on time and with a car seat. They fulfilled their part of the brief. OP just THOUGHT they wouldn't and panicked

Trust me you would have been panicking too if they were your PIL's with their track record.

@Umbilicat Have you ever seen a child? 'If circumstances changed' eg a traffic accident closes the road and they cannot get there etc; 'in an emergency' eg DC is taken ill or has an accident etc. All that's in the brief when responsible for a child. And don't forget they'd locked OP in the house, even though they weren't the sole adults around on this occasion.

I would be taking “their”key off them to your house too!! Why did they even lock the door when you are inside the house????!?!?!

Amazingly, yes, I've "seen" many, many children. I've brought up 3 of them. Sometimes I even went out without a mobile phone on me (and I certainly let my parents and ILs do that because their generation don't automatically carry phones). Massive overreacting and whataboutery here. But I'm glad OP isn't going on her holiday because she wouldn't enjoy it.

Age bracket of IL’s?

That's shocking to me! I'm not in the UK, and where I live I have never seen this set up and pretty sure it wouldn't be allowed because it is such a risk. My front door locks with a key, but you don't need a key to open it from the inside.

I think you’re overreacting. They did what they said they were going to do. Grandparents dont always follow the easiest route to accomplish tasks with grandchildren as they don’t do it enough. Your child was safe and was always going to be, you didn’t need to make alternative arrangements.

Change your plans and take the children with you somewhere fun together. When dh had a special birthday we took same age kids to a Centre Parcs place type place in france and all loved it.

DH has deliberately chosen a holiday without the kids because he wants to celebrate his birthday just with you. I suspect he is also doing it because he thinks you have attachment issues (as evidenced by your totally OTT response to this episode). Your cancelling the holiday would prove him right.

I think you really need this holiday :-)

Your overreacting. Maybe have a conversation with them about communication but other than that they did what they said they were going to do. You do realise they are doing you the favour here 🤣🤣

But they didn’t forget and for the duration you are away they can have the car seat in their car. It’s worrying leaving your dc but I’m sure it will be fine

Good solution.
A week is far too long and you'd just be worrying about it constantly.

They did what they said but in their own way.
Your husband deserves his holiday with just the 2 of you and you have loads of time to get kid arrangements in place! It will be lovely!
Just wondering on reflection if you dont actually want it to be just the 2 of you?......

Ok, I hadn't seen the update - glad you have agreed on this and have a lovely birthday trip!

Previous marriage we agreed his dps were never to drive our dc anywhere... Mil wore her specs to help fil with the driving..
And mil never got out of second gear.
And mil had a cushion under her when she drove..

It was a close shave though!