What are your thoughts on this? Don’t know if I’m overthinking or being sensitive. 

[questioningthis1]

I’m not sure if I’m overthinking this. I’ve been seeing someone for over a year. Some of you might recognise previous posts. But I’m going to list a few things here.

I have a three-year-old child. I started seeing a woman over a year ago. It’s been around 15 months.

I recently introduced her to my child.
she doesn’t have kids so I do wonder if this is a factor. I’m also wondering if I’m overthinking things. I’ll shortcut her to ‘DP’ for ease of reading.

We do get on well and when we are together, we have a nice time. But recently she has met up with me when I’m with my daughter. So she’s only recently met her.

obviously, as a list of things, I don’t want it to look all black-and-white. But I’m just going to give a list of some things that have happened that I have been thinking about.

1. My daughter plays a lot of role-play games. She wanted to be the teacher and she wanted me and DP to be the babies. And she told us to go to the baby room which I imagine she hears a nursery.

DP Then said under her breath “No one is telling me what to do” And walked out of the room and went to the toilet. When she returned, she didn’t play the role-play game.

1. My daughter said something quite innocent to me the other day, which was To say “ Mummy, I’m going to call you miss ‘x’” (x being her last name which is the surname of my ex-wife)

DP said “ How did she know that was going to piss you off? How did she know to say something like that to piss you off?”

I replied that it didn’t piss me off. I said she gets called ‘’Miss X’ sometimes and it’s her last name and it didn’t piss me off at all.
Also, my daughter doesn’t know anything about our last names as such because she’s only three so she doesn’t really know that that’s my exes name and not mine etc.

1. My daughter was very excited, not wanting to go to bed one night, running around etc, so I said to DP That I’m just going to see to my daughter and I’ll be downstairs in a bit.

To which DP Replied as she walked out of the bedroom door “ I’ll go downstairs, but she knows what she’s doing”. Which I felt was insinuating my daughter was being manipulative or something like that.

1. I had a workman come round the other day to give me a quote and I asked DP if she would mind keeping my daughter in the living room playing while I spoke to the work man in the kitchen. She said of course that is fine. Within two minutes, my daughter came into the kitchen asking for things. I asked her to go back into the living room. But she wouldn’t. I then heard DP whispering DC’s name a couple of times. Not coming in to get her but just whispering her name from the living room. It was very frustrating trying to talk to the work man. I popped my head into the living room and she was just sat there on her phone. So I kept my daughter in the kitchen while I spoke to the work man.

I will just leave these examples for now.
there are a couple of other things, but I have posted about them separately over the last few weeks.

I don’t know if I’m overthinking. She doesn’t have children. I have enjoyed spending time with her, but since I have introduced her to my daughter, I’m having doubts. I wasn’t having any doubts before this

She may not like children but she definitely doesn't seem keen on your daughter and appears jealous of your relationship with her.

your daughter is way more important than her and I'd honestly get rid of her. You can meet someone who wants to be your daughters friend and will find her a positive addition.

This isn't going to work OP. You don't need much convincing that your partner is totally out of sink with the required insight of the needs of children. Irrespective of whether she is a parent or not, she should be able to understand the basics

I think she doesn’t like children. Which is fine, but she shouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who does. This has no future.

Sorry I don't think this relationship is going anywhere. Your child is quite young and is going to be needy, as an only child they will want you involved in games as they don't have another playmate. If your partner isn't willing to get involved in this then I don't think they are right for you.

She is not good with children, has unrealistic expectations and isn't prepared to try and bond with your dd to impress you in any way. She is making it clear she wants no part in a relationship which involves your child. I assume you envisage a slightly different scenario because you and your dd come as a package deal. I think this relationship is doomed.

she doesn't understand children or like them enough to try to understand
I don't think you can have a serious relationship with a person like that while you have a small child

She clearly dislikes kids and is useless with yours. She also sounds kinda mean. I would be concerned too

I'm afraid I agree with other posters OP, your DP isn't keen on having a relationship with a child, or even learning how to play with her. This is going to cause too many problems to make the relationship worthwhile, get rid of her before she makes your child become clingy, as if your child feels unwanted by her, she won't understand, and will start to cling as a result of this.

Your partner wants you, but not your daughter. Your partner seems jealous and resentful of your daughter too. Your daughter is your priority, not a woman you've been seeing for a year. Your partner isn't really even trying to engage with your daughter, she's treating her as an irritating inconvenience. The relationship isn't going to work.

I understand what you are all saying and I’m taking it on board. I did wonder if she is possibly jealous of the relationship I have with my daughter. My daughter will always be my priority.

She does have nieces who she sees often. She sent me a video of her playing with them which felt a little bit performative. I feel bad saying that but it did seem like she wanted to show the kind of message like “look how good I am with children” kind of thing

sometimes she will play with my daughter, but again there is something about it That doesn’t always feel so authentic really.
this is why I’m wondering if I’m overthinking it. I Was wondering, is she just uncomfortable because it’s new to her.

after the second time she met my daughter, I did tell her that I felt a little bit uncomfortable because I wasn’t sure if she liked my daughter or seemed a little bit annoyed with her at times. She said that wasn’t the case at all and that she’s sorry it came across that way, but she’s just nervous and wants to make a good impression because she knows how important my daughter is to me.

Some people just don’t like kids but actually she does sound really quite mean and tbh it’s a bit unhinged to be so apparently threatened and jealous of a three year olds relationship with her mum.

She just doesn’t like children. Or your daughter. It’s not something that will change for her as she is clearly treating her as a nuisance. I’m usually all for working through relationship problems and putting in the work but this is a big no no. You’ll never be compatible and if you maintain this, as your daughter gets older it’ll be at her expense.

If my partner didn't get along with and make an effort with my child, and realize that my child would always come first, he would not be in my life. Your DP doesn't sound like she has what it takes to play second fiddle to your child. I would think twice about the future of your relationship. You don't want to feel torn between your child and your DP. It will only cause resentment all around.

It Isn’t going to work! But on the other hand I wouldn’t want to play ‘babies’ either.

She should be falling over herself to bond with your daughter, to leave you both to have space together and to help you where needed (workmen etc).

What she is doing is almost the opposite of this. It’s a shame if it works in every other way, but the right thing to do is to walk away from this one. As you said, your daughter comes first.

I don’t like the line that she was nervous & wanted you to have a good impression of her with your DD. How does muttering “she knows what she’s doing’ suggest being nervous or concerned with getting it right?
She isn’t as PP’s have said good with or understanding of child /parent relationships & is already being critical of yours with your DD. Implying criticism of both your parenting style & your daughter’s behaviour. The whispering sounds plain creepy to me! I think seeing her with your DD may have turned you off her so you’d be right to trust your instincts on this one surely?

Trust your instincts and bin off the new GF. She sounds odd and unpleasant.

Well done OP. You have seen how she is and you know it’s not good enough.

@Fendibag
yes when she muttered that I felt my heart sink. Which is why I asked her the day after if she was annoyed with DC or something. Because it just seemed very odd to me.
It has sort of turned me off her and it’s only since her meeting my daughter. I’m spending time with her with my daughter there.

This relationship would not work for me, she doesn't care about the most important thing in your life, this will impact on your DD's self esteem as she grows up.

She’s not used to three year olds, resents the amount of time and energy your DD takes up, has no interest in playing role-play games, and has no particular interest in rectifying the situation. I don’t think it’s a goer, especially as you don’t sound terribly keen on your girlfriend yourself, OP.

What feels frustrating is The first year we were getting to know each other, it was really really good and I felt like we got on really well.
we Could talk about absolutely all sorts. I’ve spoken to her a lot about my daughter and how important she is.

I was looking forward to them meeting, and DP said she was nervous about it because she knew how important it was to meet her.

And I just feel surprised by how it was after a couple of times of meeting.

she will ask about my daughter, how she is and how nursery was and things like that in text messages.
But it’s just when we are all together. So lately, I’ve been trying to just meet her by myself and not with my daughter there but a few days ago we were all together when a couple of the things I’ve listed happened.

She doesn’t seem very well suited to kids (which is, of course, her prerogative) and doesn’t seem to like yours. I’d end it on that basis. DD comes first before anyone and anything.

That line " she knows what she's doing " made my blood run cold . Not saying she would hurt Ur kid but I've wondered how partners ended up abusing their partners kids. That kind of jealousy is something to think about but for me she'd have to go id always feel on edge and be on the lookout .

If that's what she said on first meetings imagine what she was thinking.