What are your thoughts on this? Don’t know if I’m overthinking or being sensitive. 

[questioningthis1]

I’m not sure if I’m overthinking this. I’ve been seeing someone for over a year. Some of you might recognise previous posts. But I’m going to list a few things here.

I have a three-year-old child. I started seeing a woman over a year ago. It’s been around 15 months.

I recently introduced her to my child.
she doesn’t have kids so I do wonder if this is a factor. I’m also wondering if I’m overthinking things. I’ll shortcut her to ‘DP’ for ease of reading.

We do get on well and when we are together, we have a nice time. But recently she has met up with me when I’m with my daughter. So she’s only recently met her.

obviously, as a list of things, I don’t want it to look all black-and-white. But I’m just going to give a list of some things that have happened that I have been thinking about.

1. My daughter plays a lot of role-play games. She wanted to be the teacher and she wanted me and DP to be the babies. And she told us to go to the baby room which I imagine she hears a nursery.

DP Then said under her breath “No one is telling me what to do” And walked out of the room and went to the toilet. When she returned, she didn’t play the role-play game.

1. My daughter said something quite innocent to me the other day, which was To say “ Mummy, I’m going to call you miss ‘x’” (x being her last name which is the surname of my ex-wife)

DP said “ How did she know that was going to piss you off? How did she know to say something like that to piss you off?”

I replied that it didn’t piss me off. I said she gets called ‘’Miss X’ sometimes and it’s her last name and it didn’t piss me off at all.
Also, my daughter doesn’t know anything about our last names as such because she’s only three so she doesn’t really know that that’s my exes name and not mine etc.

1. My daughter was very excited, not wanting to go to bed one night, running around etc, so I said to DP That I’m just going to see to my daughter and I’ll be downstairs in a bit.

To which DP Replied as she walked out of the bedroom door “ I’ll go downstairs, but she knows what she’s doing”. Which I felt was insinuating my daughter was being manipulative or something like that.

1. I had a workman come round the other day to give me a quote and I asked DP if she would mind keeping my daughter in the living room playing while I spoke to the work man in the kitchen. She said of course that is fine. Within two minutes, my daughter came into the kitchen asking for things. I asked her to go back into the living room. But she wouldn’t. I then heard DP whispering DC’s name a couple of times. Not coming in to get her but just whispering her name from the living room. It was very frustrating trying to talk to the work man. I popped my head into the living room and she was just sat there on her phone. So I kept my daughter in the kitchen while I spoke to the work man.

I will just leave these examples for now.
there are a couple of other things, but I have posted about them separately over the last few weeks.

I don’t know if I’m overthinking. She doesn’t have children. I have enjoyed spending time with her, but since I have introduced her to my daughter, I’m having doubts. I wasn’t having any doubts before this

nah your not over thinking it, she's not the one, her behavior towards your daughter sounds unkind, jealous and cause for concern in the future. as single parents as much as we want to find the right person for us, they also have to be the right person for our children. do you want someone who acts like this or enjoys having fun,role playing and making your daughters world magical.

Don't make excuses for her because you're enjoying having sex with her. She does not like your child.

Do you love your child? If so, the relationship should be over.

'Being nervous', and saying things like, 'she knows what's she's doing' /creepy whispering... Doesn't add up for me.

It suggests to me, on the face of it, agression and underhandedness...

I want to say get rid. But have you been with this women for a year and then recently introduced a toddler? It’s not an easy situation no one’s going to be perfect at all. Takes time to create relationships

This would give me the massive ick.

@questioningthis1 i think the key point is what seems like resentful comments and how shes beginning to act around your daughter and how she is speaking about her.

My previous ex didnt have kids. He was excellent at times around them when I was there but began to make comments later when we were alone as our relationship progressed like 'your kids rule your world'. I suspect he just didn't understand how to navigate children (hes autistic) so couldn't see how he fit into our lives. I understand that its really hard when you have feelings for someone and they show you this, as you realise they aren't who you hoped. I would get rid of this one as she already seems to resent her and is acting on it.

OP, their relationship is still very early on (DP's and DD's) and DP has already clearly got an issue with your daughter - a three year old! - and doesn't appear to be shy in making that obvious to you both. Her issues seem to be more about you than her ignorance of a young child's development IMO. This situation is not going to get better but may get a lot worse. Sorry, I agree with the overwhelming majority on here and it would be a deal breaker for me. To me this would be a massive red flag and my child would come first.

I wouldn’t be with anyone that acted like that with my
children. They will always come first.
She obviously doesn’t like that so you should end things.
But it sounds like you won’t and unfortunately your daughter will suffer for it.

At some point if you stay with this person, your child will ask you why dearstepmum doesn't like them. It's clear from your posts that your DP can be nice about an out of sight out of mind child. The reality is different when she is in your child's company.
Most of what you've described about your child is typically toddler tantrum stuff, or just wanting to play. It's not worthy of the snide comments and quasi judgemental attitude your partner is giving off.
Your relationship won't work in the end because your partner will eventually make it a choice between her or your child. You've got enough doubts to call it a day now. Don't stay with your partner because she's okay when your child isn't there.

I would not have her around my child. Definitely would not trust them alone together.
Its very weird to be mean about a 3 year old. It really shows what type of person she is.
Dont put her above your child .

I don’t think this is the right person for your circumstances.

OP - I am sure she is nice in other ways as you have been together a year however that is not enough your gut instinct is warning you this is not right.

Please listen to your unease on this - her behaviour will start to negatively impact your daughter if it has not already - she resents DD's presence as it takes time away from her being just with you and if you continue against your gut instinct, your daughter will be damaged by this.

Walk away, listen to your gut instinct it is there for a reason and what prompted you to post.

I wish you all the best your DD sounds so lovely.

Dump. How can anyone be so mean to a three year old?

She sounds horrible, and a bit unhinged.

”No-one tells me what to do”? Bloody weirdo.

We don’t need to know how kind she is to you. You’re telling us how unkind she is to your daughter. There doesn’t have to be nuance when you’re describing that - it IS black and white.

It isn’t going to work for your daughters sake I’d end the relationship

Just because you fancy someone and get on well with them doesn't mean they're partner material, and that's OK. You had a nice relationship for a year, turns out she can't deal with the reality of you having a 3yo. You don't have to stop sleeping with her if you don't want to, but you do need to let go of any idea of progressing the relationship further and she does not get to spend any more time with your child. Ever. Which would probably be a relief to all concerned.

Think how you would feel if your ex tried to introduce a new partner into your daughter's life who behaved like this. You wouldn't give a shit about how lovely they were in other ways. You'd just want them away from your kid.

Your DP doesn't like or understand children and particularly does not like or understand yours. She will do everything she can to come between you and your child.

I would be worried she would be unkind to your little dd, she clearly doesn’t like her. Or the time you spend with her.

I would end it now, and put the well being of my toddler first. You can sense something isn’t right op, your list proves you are right.

🚩🚩🚩

Put your child first, this won’t get better.

I don't think your DP not having children is a justification for her poor behaviour with your child. Many of my friends and my own sister are childfree and would never behave like this with any of my kids or my other friends' kids. Your DP sounds jealous 🙄and narcissistic.

This made me wonder too…

I voted YABU because you are being unreasonable for having this woman around your child.

I dated when my children were older than yours but I very rarely introduced them to anyone whilst dating. And on the very rare occasions that I did, I was on high alert for them saying or doing anything I wasn't happy with.

No, this woman doesn't like your child but YABU for continuing to expose your daughter to her.

Some women don’t have a natural mothering instinct and it can take longer to develop. But I don’t think that’s the case with your DP.

The whole she’s referring to you as your ex’s last name to piss you off, is such a bizarre thing to say about a 3 year old.
It’s like she thinks your child is 3 going on 20.

Listen to your instincts Op. You can definitely consider a lack of experience and nerves to play apart in some behaviours but the comments, they are inappropriate.

I don’t think I could trust a partner if I asked them to watch my child in another room for 5- 10 minutes and they couldn’t even manage that.

If she’s like this with an innocent 3 year old imagine what she’ll be like when she’s a hormonal teenager. Your DP sounds very immature it would be a nope from me.