What are your thoughts on this? Don’t know if I’m overthinking or being sensitive. 

[questioningthis1]

I’m not sure if I’m overthinking this. I’ve been seeing someone for over a year. Some of you might recognise previous posts. But I’m going to list a few things here.

I have a three-year-old child. I started seeing a woman over a year ago. It’s been around 15 months.

I recently introduced her to my child.
she doesn’t have kids so I do wonder if this is a factor. I’m also wondering if I’m overthinking things. I’ll shortcut her to ‘DP’ for ease of reading.

We do get on well and when we are together, we have a nice time. But recently she has met up with me when I’m with my daughter. So she’s only recently met her.

obviously, as a list of things, I don’t want it to look all black-and-white. But I’m just going to give a list of some things that have happened that I have been thinking about.

1. My daughter plays a lot of role-play games. She wanted to be the teacher and she wanted me and DP to be the babies. And she told us to go to the baby room which I imagine she hears a nursery.

DP Then said under her breath “No one is telling me what to do” And walked out of the room and went to the toilet. When she returned, she didn’t play the role-play game.

1. My daughter said something quite innocent to me the other day, which was To say “ Mummy, I’m going to call you miss ‘x’” (x being her last name which is the surname of my ex-wife)

DP said “ How did she know that was going to piss you off? How did she know to say something like that to piss you off?”

I replied that it didn’t piss me off. I said she gets called ‘’Miss X’ sometimes and it’s her last name and it didn’t piss me off at all.
Also, my daughter doesn’t know anything about our last names as such because she’s only three so she doesn’t really know that that’s my exes name and not mine etc.

1. My daughter was very excited, not wanting to go to bed one night, running around etc, so I said to DP That I’m just going to see to my daughter and I’ll be downstairs in a bit.

To which DP Replied as she walked out of the bedroom door “ I’ll go downstairs, but she knows what she’s doing”. Which I felt was insinuating my daughter was being manipulative or something like that.

1. I had a workman come round the other day to give me a quote and I asked DP if she would mind keeping my daughter in the living room playing while I spoke to the work man in the kitchen. She said of course that is fine. Within two minutes, my daughter came into the kitchen asking for things. I asked her to go back into the living room. But she wouldn’t. I then heard DP whispering DC’s name a couple of times. Not coming in to get her but just whispering her name from the living room. It was very frustrating trying to talk to the work man. I popped my head into the living room and she was just sat there on her phone. So I kept my daughter in the kitchen while I spoke to the work man.

I will just leave these examples for now.
there are a couple of other things, but I have posted about them separately over the last few weeks.

I don’t know if I’m overthinking. She doesn’t have children. I have enjoyed spending time with her, but since I have introduced her to my daughter, I’m having doubts. I wasn’t having any doubts before this

I was assuming this was a same sex relationship and OP was female.

Others seem to be sure this is a dad posting, did I miss this?

No assuming necessary

My daughter said something quite innocent to me the other day, which was To say “ Mummy, I’m going to call you miss ‘x’

several other comments too.

She wouldn't be near my child again.

A year feels like a long time, at the time. But it's not in the greater scheme of things. Time to cut loose with this fish! Your DD will grow up so quickly, try to enjoy being with her as much as you can.

It's the "she knows what she's doing" thing that really is a red flag for me. I wouldn't let someone like that be around my child. A 3 year old is not manipulative for wanting to be with their parent, it is developmentally appropriate.

To be frank this woman shouldn't be left alone with your sweet DC. She is mean and your DC will pick up on it soon enough. It could get a lot worse and end up being bullying or abusive.

Please put your child first and get rid of the DP. You know this stuff isn't right, that is why you're here.

You need to get rid of this one.

She sounds jealous and insecure. Not a great person to bring into your young daughters life. She'll get underhand and sly with your DD behind your back.

@PaddingtonBlah
i hadn’t really thought of it like that. Her coming in. That’s happened a couple of times. I was trying to concentrate on what the Workman was saying so I was just saying to my daughter “ Go back in the living room”
I won’t do that again in case she does feel uncomfortable.

I know the comments that I’ve said so far and what I’ve said in my initial post probably paints a different picture.

Obviously, I haven’t said all of the lovely things that she does. I’ve just said the things that make me feel uncomfortable and that have got me thinking.

Do not leave her alone with your DD
red flags

She sounds horrible. I’d be concerned how her behaviour will continue towards your DD as she gets older as well.

I wouldn't want her anywhere near my daughter.

This.
She isn't just unsuited to being around children, from what OP has described, but disturbingly paranoid or resentful and trying to cause friction.

I’m wondering if what I’ve posted in my initial post seems very black-and-white. I haven’t given Information about other aspects of her or her personality. She is thoughtful in lots of ways. And she has shown a lot of kindness and patience. She does seem quite passive at times which can be frustrating, but she is also very gentle in lots of ways. Which is why I’ve enjoyed getting to know her so much initially and for that first year

So she's wonderful with you, but not your child?

If you stay with this woman, she’ll eventually have you questioning your daughter’s behaviour and motives, and wondering if maybe she is now old enough to be manipulative and needing to be disciplined, just like your ‘dp’ has been suggesting all along…

She sounds quite clingy and intense and sees your daughter as competition. This isn’t going to work.

She’s shown you who she is. It’s up to you now.

Your little daughter is wanting to wind you up on purpose.
Your little daughter speaks to you like you're shit.
Your little daughter won't tell me what to do!
Your little daughter is being purposely devious, 'she knows what she's doing.'
Your little daughter doesn't listen to me when I whisper to her to let you talk to the workman. She should just do the right thing and leave you alone while I'm on my phone but she just does her own thing.

At what point do you stand by your daughter? At what point will all the digs be too much? At what point will your daughter realise how she's viewed by that woman? At what point will you look back and think 'she shouldn't be treating my daughter that way nor should she be trying to get me to see my daughter in a bad light.' The good times may be amazing! But the bad ones are ones that are quite twisted if you think about it. Which do you think will have the biggest impact on your daughter?

She doesn't sound great with kids at atall. Have you tried talking to her about it? If you can have an honest talk to her about your concerns it might help you to work out whether the issue is more that she is inexperienced with children and could improve over time or whether she actively doesn't like children which is pretty insurmountable.

Another one saying I don’t think it’s going to work.

She’s made some unpleasant comments and not much effort. You’ve been second guessing “is she annoyed”, “does she not like DD” etc and then when you ask DP she basically gaslights you “I was nervous and wanted to make a good impression”. It’s so easy to make a good impression on a 3year old, but muttering under your breath and accusing them of deliberately manipulating adults isn’t the way, and nor is it a sign of nervousness.

It’s a shame if you get on in all other ways but as others have said you need to end this. She might be jealous, might not like children much, it could be anything but her actions so far don’t bode at all well for the future. 3 year olds are very trusting and don’t even realise people might not like them, but DD will pick up on unkind and unfriendly behaviour or treatment and become very confused (and might even act up because of that confusion. which will cause even more issues).

People would end a platonic friendship, or at least cool it, if the friend was unkind to your DD, so this should be the same. There’ll be someone out there who understands you’re a team and will want to love DD as her own. They’re who you need to be with.

She's awful, completely covered in red flags. In fact she's so bad I would never allow her to spend time with your daughter on her own.

im shocked you can't see how bad she is.

I think the same. Accusing a 3 year old of being manipulative when you are just putting her to bed and your daughter talking to you like shit are the two things that stand out for me. She clearly has no understanding of toddlers and development but it is laying the ground for massive problems in the future for your daughter. The first comment would have had me end the relationship to be honest.

Hope you listen to the resounding reaction to her on here OP!!
And see the red flags 🚩

My fear is that you’re too emotionally invested & if she’s manipulative about a 3 year old, worry that you’re being taken in by her too.
That’s why PP’s have commented on how you’ve looked for explanations for her horrible treatment & reactions to your DD instead of feeling angry & rightly turned off her. Please see sense!

This really gives me bad vibes op. How can she be that cold to a 3 year old. Your DD is the most important thing in the world. Bin this one off so she doesn’t impact your DD.

Sorry OP, but this relationship is never going to work.

She doesn't like your daughter and she's not even trying to hide it. The relationship is over if you love your child.

Throw this nasty woman back into the dump where she belongs. No way would i inflict such a horrible person on my innocent child. She will drive a wedge between you and your child and will see your dd as competition for your affection.